Dear Blog – 13.25 – 12/08/19

Thank goodness for memories…

Although l am not an active user of Facebook, l have had an account since 2009, l have below 50 people on my proverbial ‘Wall’, and of those 50 in a round about way, l know them all. Some are clients from the time of my exotic livestock business which closed down in 2010, a few are from my gaming days, some are really old college friends, one is from my comprehensive school from the 80’s, a couple from Twitter days of 2016 – 2018, and a couple from here in WordPress with the few bringing up the rear of friends l have acquired simply being on Facebook itself.

I hardly ever use the application itself for socialising attending to it purely for  the ‘memories’ episodes and to use the chat system. I had thought of doing a cull, but l don’t even see the point to doing that, with less than 50 readers – 47 to be exact, where’s harm in them being where they are? it’s not them that doesn’t speak to me, it’s a mutuality issue, l don’t really speak to them. I am social without being social, not fully asocial, just selectively social. I am more social here than anywhere else in my world.

My life is written about, expressed, questioned and opinionated upon by me here in WordPress, this is my sociality and community – everyday l speak to you all, and everyday, many of you speak back.

One of the features l paid mention to just now was the ‘memories section’ of Facebook, and l find it at times spooky how certain memories pop up and the implications and complications they present however many years you find yourself in advance of that particular memory – like this morning’s….

12th August 2016 – Friday

“Our favourite little girl – hardy as ever and for 13 this year not looking half bad. She has to undergo slight surgery next Wednesday to remove a benign lump on her back left leg [just visible in one of these photos]. But she is still travelling well and looking good! Car photos from the weekend.

And enjoying today’s sun!”

Three years ago today, doesn’t seem like it …

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Scrappy has had a lot to get through since then, she had the lump removed successfully, but then it was benign, but later that year 2016/7 on New Year’s Eve in fact she had the first of several crippling spasms that heralded the arrival of IVDD, following the smallest of falls in the garden just a week previously. But Scrappy the hardy walker, was not a dog to be told what to do, she made what the vets described as a miraculous recovery and was walking again full time within 16 weeks. Successful lazer surgery and managed walking by us with a dinky stomach holster.

If the IVDD wasn’t scare enough and all it left on her was a limp on the back left leg, she was diagnosed with a nodule on her lungs in 2015 which reared its head in 2018 and caused us another scare thinking we would lose her, some of you may even recall the Dear Blog entry from last year. I thought l lost her then, but she bounced back.

But of course here we are in 2019 some 18 months later facing no longer just a scare but the eventuality of losing her sometime this year- yes of course, it is all to do with that malignant anal gland tumour, the inoperable one due to her age plus our saying that when she turned 15 we would not subject her to anymore surgeries.

Such a hardy hardy dog is our Scrappy, a real fighter! We reduced her walks to one, and that has helped enormously. Like many older dogs she has good days and great days and then awesome days – that if you didn’t know her just to look at her, to hear of her age, you would think wow she is looking fantastic and of course externally she looks great.

Doesn’t walk the same amount as she did as little as a month ago, doesn’t eat quite as much as she once did, become very fussy with her food, but she still gets her chicken, loves ‘lurves’ her chicken, as long as dad isn’t burning it, which l have not done since that day! She has lost some more weight and has the most dreadful farts, which considering the position of the malignancy is perhaps hardly surprising. She sleeps more, and is hardly far from our sides daily. I am thankful l work from home.

I have a call booked with our vet this week as the update and to discuss things such as ‘what exactly are we to be looking for in this stage of the game, symptom wise? We know our furchild anyway as in personality and we would know, when something was most assuredly not right, but physically?

Scrappy no longer takes the medication of Calpol, so we had to stop that, as she was point blank refusing it with gritted teeth and spitting it back out. however, extracting one of her walks daily did wonders for her health, so l think although she is still arthritic, this was a wise move as we have extended her life span marginally, not being pessimistic, just realistic – she doesn’t have the same pain as before and seems to enjoy her life more. We even occasionally see a waggy tail, which despite the joyous moment brings tears to your eyes, because the IVDD caused that to stop and it can be painful, but she does so voluntarily.

But she is a hardy breed, a very solid dog and she is still with us.

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I am very worried about how Suze is going to cope with the loss of Scrappy, l have niggling sensations in my gut about this. I know l will miss Scrapps like crazy, but l have been preparing myself mentally as seemingly a lot of those of the spectrum can do, by detaching parts of our emotions. I am still 100% in attendance with my emotions, but l think l am going to have to be seriously strong for Suze. Suze is still unwell from this viral thing in her chest, which is now almost a month, in fact l think it’s a month today. It hasn’t shifted and she is still unwell. She went for bloods last week and has an x-ray later this week. The doctors seemingly are unconcerned that a women in her later fifties keeps on becoming ill with the same virus and has had it now for nearly three years, something’s not right.

I am pretty sure her immune system is desperately weak and we need to rebuild that. But, with Suze and her grandkids not within easy reach without immense journeys, as a family orientated person, this makes a huge strain on her physical mentality, and so she attached her emotions to our furchild, so l am very worried , very worried indeed.

Because of Scrappy and the related stress factor of living with your furry companion in this dire position, Suze and l both have been experiencing nightmares almost nightly about a ‘yelp’ that has not been heard. Some very disturbing dreams that make no sense … but that’s the emotional journey into the subconscious and slumbering mind isn’t it.

***

Finally got my physio for the shoulder and neck this week, only four months overdue because of miscommunications between both the hospital and my own surgery and then my surgery failing to inform me the hospital letter had been sitting on their systems since April, and the hospital not bothering to inform me!? Fucked off? Yes of course.

I have been managing my own pain levels without the use of any medication for all told about a month/five weeks now and it’s been tough. Both are still painful, and over the weekend, l did something to the shoulder whilst helping Suze. I don’t know how, but l heard a nasty click in the area of the acromion and have had serious pain ever since. I am dealing with it with the use of sprays and gels, but l am looking forwards to Wednesday. The chap l am going to see is a top quality physio, ex military. If he can inform me that this pain is recovery pain l will feel a lot happier … and not deterioration pain, meaning the £1000 injective surgery in March was more of the useless scam that we already think it is! I don’t think the steroids took hold properly, but what can you do, when the surgeon closes the case on you?

Oh well, l’ll find out soon enough, l don’t have the time to be ill again with this damn injury, it’s already taken twenty months of my physical life as is.

Anyway, l ‘ll leave you with a couple of shots taken a few minutes ago of our sleeping beauty. I am not stressed when she is beside me, relaxed and sleeping.

Dear Blog ……

A Guy Called Bloke Feature Dear Blog JPEG

 

 

 

 

10 thoughts on “Dear Blog – 13.25 – 12/08/19

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  1. YAY! Wednesday, it’s about freakin time. You may have to schedule “slow” days for the days after your appointments. I usually felt great after PT appointment and woke up the next morning with a “stiffy”hahaha.

    Ya know, maybe when Scrappy is ready to go that will be the thing that opens Suze up to everything she’s pushing aside. You may have to hold her up for a while, but it might be better in the long run to get all of it out at once. A complete dumping of the sadness and feeling lost and confused about what to do next. There’s probably some anger and resentment in there too.

    Then she can start with a clean slate and build the life she wants.

    Hugs!! 💌💌💌

  2. So happy you are getting into see the physio guy and he can help you feel better. Scrappy looks so peaceful in her bed. I hope Suze can find peace in everything that is happening with Scrappy. Take care dear Rory.

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