Just Cluelessly Baaaad!


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Just Cluelessly Baaaad!

I’ve always stumbled with the opposite sex,
And as for deciphering the chatting up saga,
It was easier reading the ‘Lord of the Rings’ triplex!
Than trying to comprehend all the drama,
Of flirting and being overly social and jovially nice,
Complimenting, flowers, a meal out for two,
When in reality most of the times … ‘Blimey,
‘All l wanted was some of the old slow and comfortable taboo!


It’s easier by far to be single these days,
There are no floundering complications for starters,
Such as trying to untangle all the ‘dating game’ phases,
Which if handled incorrectly can make one a martyr!
To say the wrong thing makes you look like a bit of a Berk,
Resulting in you being stoned to death!
Perhaps it’s just safer to carry on single and jerk..
Yourself off till you are out of breath!!


Always been clueless when it comes to girls,
And if, big if…
…. They are attracted to me…
Their lines of poetical sweetness and glittering pearls,
Fall upon deaf ears, l just think they are being overly friendly!
For me to actually grasp the reality of the situation,
They would have to make it incredibly obvious,
Like baring their all or openly displaying ovulation,
For me to see their gratuitous flirtiness!


No, seriously that’s true,
Not just for the sake of my writing to you,


Struggle l do,
To know how to actually say the simplest of hellos,
Instead l grin inanely like the hunchback of Notre Dame,
Which if one thinks on this, usually ends up a right fiasco,
Considering that the smile is the opening frame
To any sequence of actually speaking with the opposite sex,
And is the first step to quite possibly having any fun,
Be this, a night out or in bed success!
Yet when it goes horribly wrong, that’s it, matey you’re done!


Is it perhaps because l am an Aspergian …
… To blame for my social awkwardness and cluelessness?
It must be something like that, what else could it be?
Am l really this simple, shyly retiring and this useless,
With the women of this world, surely that’s not me?
No, that can’t be true,
… Seriously l am telling you!
I have had relationships in the past, some good others not,
Was not that bad when l was younger, m’sure of it,
So what has transpired now for me to have completely forgotten?
What makes for a startling conversation…?
… And not some boring chat less chit?


Honestly …
Know not do l, the answers to my confusing aches!
Have dated some pretty faces over the years in my past,
From glamour queens and starlets to mmm … Miss’stakes!
Yet here l am, a single bachelor man set to last!

Oh perhaps l should not really worry that much in all honesty,
Chatting up, flirtatious behaviour not for the geek,
All way too much unnecessary and pointless sociality,
When in reality maybe l might be better off with an inflatable shee …

No perhaps just single!!!

Just Cluelessly Baaaad!

© Rory Matier 2015

14 thoughts on “Just Cluelessly Baaaad!

    1. Yes l know it does, l heard a funny tale about it quite recently after some one read this poem and went “Well you ‘ll never guess what, but … 🙂

  1. I am so glad I don’t have to “date” anymore. I would be terrible at it. I am too blunt and impatient. Loved the poem. Made me spit out my coffee! 😀

  2. The saying goes, dating is just finding someone that matches our kind of weird.
    Seriously, you’re more self aware than most who consider him/herself “normal”…in the dating world.

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