Dear Blog – 01.19 – 25/07/19

The Ethics of Morality.

It had been a very stressful evening in the household last night, and it’s not that unusual for me to see why Fandango’s Provocative Qestion #33 of yesterday morning about morality had me talking to myself whilst showering that morning. For the last week or so, l have been struggling with a morality issue of my own concerning Scrappy and her health.

You all, or those who have been following closely the story on Scrappy and her decline in health, should know all too well she is struggling, and Suze, myself and the vets worked together to find a solution to ease her discomfort with her chronically crippling arthritis. The cancerous anal gland by itself would eventually become a serious problem if she didn’t have the seriousness of her mobility. The lump which is slowly growing could present itself to the world at large potentially in the future [most assuredly before the end of this year] as an external visible growth [manageable] to an internal lump and pressing against valuable organs and unmanageable.

For the current time that lump is not a prime concern as it is not hindering her ability to function.

But her chronic arthritis and her overall determination to be a hardy and stubborn dog [in so far as point blank refusal of allowing medication to assist her] is hindering her. The vets came up with a temporary solution with the introduction of Calpol Plus 6, which is administered orally and is liquid, so ensuring she doesn’t have to tackle solid tablets.

In addition to all her ailments, cancerous lump, chronic arthritis, spinal malformation, recovered IVDD, lung nodules, weakened legs, she also sadly has to endure Canine Dysfunction Syndrome and Ageing Seperation Anxiety  which mostly attack and attach to her during the night time hours.

The results of this are seen and presented to us in stress filled moments of disorientation, excessive panting, sleeping problems, restlessness and overly clingy.  Being a pack member can be seriously hard work especially when you are her age and you are trying to deal with seperation anxiety.  One of her pack members is working and typing whilst the other is in bed trying to sleep, meaning she cannot be in two places at once.

The Calpol has been in use now for a few days and awards Scrappy a temporary fix, a form of adrenaline which as good as that is, also works on a detrimental level which is now starting to take a toll on Suze and l emotionally as we are doing everything we can, but in many ways are helpless to assist her physically in her enjoying her remaining life.  I ordered a Pet Remedy Spray and wipes to ‘try’ and assist Scrappy’s anxiety levels, but she may be too far advanced in Canine Dysfunction Syndrome for this style to work with her, although early days maybe.

But whilst l write early days, am l being honest, or an unrealistic idealist? My beautiful dog is poorly, not as happy as she was, and Suze and l are now really are starting to reel from the impact of where we truly are – realistic – these things we do are ONLY temporary fixes. Scrappy’s days are short lived, she will l feel truly only be with us for a few weeks if that.

We are at the time now due to recent events when we must start taking responsibility for our furchild, and seriously start to question whether what we are doing is actually right? Are we performing these tasks of assistance for Scrappy for her health or for our emotional attachment and not wanting to see her go?

This adrenaline fix on a determined dog awards her a new energy boost which as delighted that she is at not having to worry for a short while and be and experience pain free moments, burns out quickly and causes Scrappy to not understand how much damage she can do to herself when in an adrenalised state. This evening, two things happened, first she spat out the Calpol first dose, so that had to be readministered, displaying to us that her stubborness is returning and secondly she sped down the garden at 90 miles an hour sped back up and tripped over the step due to balance and slammed into the door frame with her one good leg, and hurt herself and her evening walk had to be cancelled to not cause her any further hurt.

She was extremely miffed at this injustice 🙁

Suze and l always maintained that as Scrappy was a true walker, that when she could no longer derive enjoyment from her greatest hobby we would have to question the end of days decision with serious deliberation, and we are sadly having these discussions, bringing forth the topic of ‘one’s morality and ethics’ .. are we really helping Scrappy, or are we being selfish?

You hardly ever see articles from owners on the stress an ageing dog awards her family, perhaps they feel guilty for thinking that a beloved pet can award you stress. But dogs are not humans, and oh how many a time l wish they were, they could say, l am tired, l have had enough, l am ready to go. or l am still good, l am old, but my heart is still here, and l don’t want to leave just yet.

It breaks my fucking heart to write like this and l do feel guilty for writing like this. Suze ‘s stress levels are at peak points now, she is crying like l am frequently, and my optimism and positivity with everything else going on are pushed to the limits at times and l feel l just wish to scream and punch something like a wall. I have had dogs in my life since l was thirty and my canine pack over the years has dwindled down to just Scrappy and myself left of the original 8 strong pack.

I have had many reasons for my best friends to leave my side, but never one like Scrappy that has reached the beautiful age she has, which is why it’s just so damning that she is fading before my eyes in the way she is. It’s simply a case of a hardy dog experiencing like many ageing humans do, the problem of things not functioning as they once did despite the brain still young at heart at many ways.

But the stress of this is crippling me, causing Suze serious angst and my lovely dog confusion, bewilderment and pain at not being able to be the dog she once was. I hate this time in my life with this,  l hate the fact that the time is nearing that l am going to have to say goodbye to one of my longest standing friends.

Scrappy will continue to paw her diary episodes until she can no longer do so. She will as she has always done, be honest with everyone in her own way and l will always help her to achieve this. We have talked long and hard about her ‘memoirs’ and her legacy will live on here. But that’s not today, not right now, for now she is still very much a huge part of our family and she always will be.

She tells me that she will be writing the chicken story later on today.

Dear Blog ……

18 thoughts on “Dear Blog – 01.19 – 25/07/19

  1. The worst time from having a dog 🙁 and so so difficult to deal with 🙁
    I’m so sorry! If only they could talk! At least they could tell us what to do even in this sad situations 🙁

    1. I know. I rang the vets this morning, and we have a course of action. I have been told the practice is very aware of the situation, but also as we are experiencing serious seriously hot heat, that we must watch her performance when the heatwave has abated, which will be tomorrow l think. Then to try the Calpol and the pet rememedies. I bought some wipes this time which can be administered directly to her body. They arrived today and they might be easier.

      I am not convinced, not being negative. Suze and l sadly know our time is short with Scrappy. It’s damning because Scrappy has perked up, she is very alert, she eats well, all functions are supreme, except her walking.

      I have told the vets, that l will be restricting scrappy to one walk a day. In this heat she gets walked when the sun has dropped from the skies and the roads are safe to walk upon furpad bare.

      I am all too aware of what needs to be done and have been taking time out to think more clearly which is hard considering sudden problems arising with me this week. But, the right people have now been rung.

      Hope you are keeping well 🙂

      1. It’s good to have a plan. Hope she stays calm and comfortable as long as possible. I wish you and Suze strength.

        I’m doing alright. 🙂

    1. Hey Ashley, l know it’s got to be made for the right decisions though. I have spoken to the vets today and we do have a contingency plan in action, but l have been told to hold fire due to the insae heatwave we are having, it’s 35 today.

  2. I’m so sorry, Rory. I know this is hard on you, Suze, and Scrappy. I’ve had to make the decision before, so I know how difficult this situation is. Rudy, Angelo, and I are sending you all the strength to get through this period of time.

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