Dear Blog – Unhealthy Stupidity to Positivity

Unhealthy Stupidity to Positivity


So here we are on Tuesday, one day down on the 7 day week and how am l feeling currently?

Positive? Pessimistic? Negative? Optimistic? What? Out of ten mate, how are you feeling today?

Well l am feeling better than yesterday and if l had to number it probably a 70% positive optimism and 30% negative pessimism. But if l had to really detail it, l would more than likely answer with 60% positive optimism,  20% negative pessimism and 20% pragmatistic realism. I think that is about right, it may not be balanced, but it’s right. I am not feeling any % of idealism, but then l am not an idealist by nature, by a natural course of energy l think l am a cynical pessimist, l have learned to become an optimist over the years, but l naturally lean towards shadier areas rather than the bright shiny ones.

Yesterday wasn’t helped with what l coined a ‘rolling clusterfuck day’, l wasn’t feeling the love of the ‘Oh Goody, it’s Monday morning’ to begin with anyway.

I was sore and achy in all sorts of places, my own fault  by a good 95%, hindered further by 100% stupidity and over zealousness, of not being on the cursed Tramadol. Except the cursed Tramadol even on a much reduced dosage were still assisting in keeping the shoulder pain at bay.

The weekend was busy, physically busy with the start to moving a large open spaced entertainment room into a smaller more compact ‘optimistic business cubicle’, ha ha – yeah l know, fancy name for an office!

I exerted more on Saturday and Sunday than l have performed physically in the last three months and l did so, with no Tramadols, those having expired very late Friday night. Of course l should have reordered the tablets at the start of last week, and in my defence l did have a jotted note for it to do. You see, l have to email my doctor’s surgery to request a new prescription.


With Suze coming back, l forgot to. But then, with Suze coming back, my functioning week shifted slightly, and so one jotted note, simply fell by the wayside. That’s not blaming Suze, l am still at fault – my responsibility, my pain control – but let’s not beat around the bush. I had wanted to test the waters of no tablets since my personal introduction of reduction of dosage for a good month – it was more than likely me, rebelling against the authority of me, the responsible me and what happened? I paid the price. It’s my blunder.

When the pain started, it was agonising!! There is no need to bullshit out of this, the pain was bloody excruciating and l felt an absolute fuckwit! But l had tested it on a different level as well – could l get through the weekend with no tablets? Simple answer – no! I was struggling to cope with anything, once the arm started to move and be expected to move, so the problem is either still there and needs proper attention or the biggest problem, is the arm needs to be rebuilt professionally with physiotherapy and regulated exercise routines.

Okay, so the positive from that episode is a more valuable lesson learned – the tablets mask lots of different things in this case – the pain and the functionality of the arm itself, so that is what needs to be pressured now. I need to book an appointment with my doctors and request they stop fucking about with me and get this physiotherapy sorted out as it was supposed to be a priority back in April after the surgeon dismissing me from his files.

I have a pain clinic appointment in September, which arrived for me in April. The Margate physiotherapy office rang me, and were shocked that as a non driver, that NO l most assuredly did not wish to travel three times a week from where l am to Margate which as the car would travel is about 45 minutes away, but public transport would take nearly 2 hours to achieve.  Why so long? Because we don’t have any public transport that travels directly to Margate with any frequency, so it involves several connections to travel the 19 miles and with one of my biggest enemies even still now which is motion, l had no true wish to jolt my arm 6 times in back and forth in weekly travel on top of functional exercise.

I requested that my records be transferred to Deal hospital which is 2 miles down the road, or ten minutes away and has a perfectly capable ‘Advanced physiotherapy’ department, which l attended in September of last year for two weeks. So why can l not have that?? They said they would sort it ….and here l am in July having heard nothing – that is the very state of the National Health Service in the UK today.

Okay, but it wasn’t just the shoulder pain that was causing me serious problems over the weekend. I had some co-cods from before the days of the Tramadol still in my cupboard and so l took some of those. They didn’t help with the pain, but they then screwed up my stomach and then l had to contend with some very serious gut problems from Saturday night onwards and by Sunday night – l just wanted to drop off the planet as the pain was that bad!

Lessons learned. I haven’t taken any co-cods since Sunday afternoon. I have taken 1 Ibuprofen every 6 hours since Monday morning. Is that helping? Yes and no. It is diluting the pain, but it’s not upsetting my stomach, the latter is still recovering from the weekend. However at least l don’t have chronic stomach cramps which is a bonus. I am also using Deep Heat, which l am refreshing every six hours. I am in pain with my shoulder and neck, but it’s manageable  – survivable.

The other thing l learned and it’s a negative positive is that the Tramadol don’t just dish out pain relief, they award you masking and stabilisation of an unwanted variety. Prior to my shoulder becoming a major problem in January 2018, l never took any tablets, because l do have confirmed and positive poor gut health and what do chemicals do? That’s right, they initialise poor gut health till the routine has stabilised your system for the tablets to routinely have a firm control on your body and manage your pain.

From June effectively or once the problem was under the guidance of the medical profession l underwent a series of terrible tablet crimes till l was awarded the Tramadols back in March of this year. I have only been on them since that time, so only five months really, long enough to create an artificial stomach and hide away any little sins you may have — like poor gut health.

Naturally and maybe unadvisedly lowering my daily intake with a view to coming off the Trams has started the decamping process of a regular routine, therefore my poor gut health is starting to return. I mean l can’t knock how they effectively calmed the stomach with 100% falsehood – during the height of taking the Trams  my toilet times were a darn sight less aggressive.

I have chronic candida yeast overgrowth – everyone has yeast in their bodies, but it was this that confused the medical profession for nearly thirty years and why, when the candida test is a simple one to perform? Because unless you are diagnosed with HIV, the medical profession ‘refuse to acknowledge’ its existence due to it being considered an unecessary alternative medical issue. Meaning in their conventional eyes you cannot suffer from it unless you are HIV positive, despite every single person having a form of yeast overgrowth in their guts. So the only tablets l was on prior to January for poor gut health were Candaway, a natural herbal remedy designed to deal effectively with my problem. I received my diagnosed only by attending a private alternative medicine practitioner.

The traditional and conventional medical profession misdiagnosed me with everything from IBS to Diverticulitis and all they had to do was perform one simple gut test!  Now, coming off the Tramadol protection, my gut which is now seriously screwed up by the sheer volume of chemicals l have had for 13 months had been starting to as said decamp since l started to down dose myself. Coming off them suddenly on Saturday threw the stomach into complete turmoil and then what did l do? Took co-cods which fucked me over officially!

My own fault! 100%

Now these things are bad enough, stomach pain is just terrible by itself, but what else started my bout of chronic candida yeast overgrowth to kick off  on the weekend? Well what triggers it in the first place if not diet? I am on a healthy diet, but what else does candida simply adore …. stress! Gut stress. What else triggers my shoulder? Stress. What did l have a truckload of on the weekend?


Suze and l both had stress over Scrappy, and it brought us both down in different arena and different results achieved. Suze was already unwell having brought another cold flu cough back from Australia, l was unwell with my shoulder, but the true catalyst of the main stress, was worry and anxiety over Scrappy.

So understandable. Acceptable. That’s life.

With yesterday’s disaster, l couldn’t understand how l made such a huge catastrophic and blundersome error with regards the oven and the cooking of the chicken. I said to Suze and l wrote it here, lack of concentration which also equals – brain fog. What can also trigger brain fog? Poor gut health! Many people with poor gut health struggle with a plethora of problems, stress, depression, lack of concentration, fogginess, fatigue and tiredness to name but a few.

So yeah, yesterday, was not one of my better days – admittedly, but things are improving. The positive out of the negatives or as l might call it, the smarts outa the stupid here – have proved highly beneficial to me, and that is something to be pleased with.  I was beating myself up terribly yesterday – then stopped and said ..

“Own it! You fucked up, accept it, now move on! Life isn’t supposed to be perfect and neither are you! Use the learning curve presented here!

I have.


Have a great day folks and thanks for reading!


ps; – l have to buy a new oven!!

15 thoughts on “Dear Blog – Unhealthy Stupidity to Positivity

  1. I definitely like the ‘rolling clusterfuck day’ description – had quite a few days like that

  2. You’re very good at bouncing back and grabbing into the positivity! It’s definitely a learned skill and damn hard to put into practice at times. I refer to myself as a “pragmatic eternal-optimist with a touch of cynicism”…pretty close to your self description. Great minds and all that…
    Stress is the WORST! I’m looking like a leopard these days with my spots of plaque psoriasis. Not much we can do about stress, life is life, just try to get as many laughs and hugs as you can. Here’s a couple hugs for you💌💌

  3. Hope today is better. Who hasn’t blundered occasionally! I know I have and you have a lot of things to battle.

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