Remains of the Day – The Complete Poem


Pixabay Images

This is a long poem, it took several days to write, and l often receive emails concerning the possibility of it being all present in one post – so here we are.

Viewer discretion is required, for this is a tale centering around the grisly and the macabre and is not a tale for everyone’s palete!

For those who use TLDR ‘s here’s the jist of the story – Reporter does interview for infamous European cafe and bites off more than she can chew!

Remains of the Day: The Back Story


Remains of the Day – The Complete Poem


You can imagine my surprise and of course my delight,
When l discover that myself and my restaurant,
Are to be interviewed by the famous Madame Janine Might,
Of the A – Z Exotic Cuisine magazine known as ‘Restaurateur Ranch’

It is considered to be a great honour to be included,
Within the pages of this illustrious and glossy spread,
Read worldwide by those who enjoy to be fed,
By meals of such incredible splendour and delicious palette,

I find it all rather exciting if l am honest,
That my little affair should be seen as one of ten,
Fancy restaurants, bistros and cafes that are blessed,
By such comments from my regular clients,

For them to say that they enjoy the ideals and concepts,
Of my complex here in the Carpathian village of Magura,
Is of course beyond my wildest dreams and l did not expect,
To find myself and my themed restaurant in such an respected aura,

But who am l to complain by such fine complements,
When l have striven all of my working life,
To create, design and finally own such a beautiful restaurant,
And to have incredible dishes carved beneath the knife?

Le Café Cannibal, is not just a fancy cafeteria,
It is of course a mountain resort of ultimate pleasure,
By those who do seek an holiday in the box of Pandora,
And love to revel in the delicacies of leisure,

For here we do have not just some where to eat,
But we also have an Inn, health spa, barbers,
And clothiers to make the holiday complete,
Which is an all in one complex for valued shoppers!

Now at my grand age of seventy-six l can say,
That l have lived a full life and one which has seen much,
Excitement, adventure and l have lived each day,
One at a time, for that is of course the best way as such,

To enjoy life to the very fullest that only a simple man can,
Ensuring that everything undertaken in always done right,
Meaning that, if you do it, then you must understand,
How it is to be done, when and why and to always be polite,

For to be so, always means that more can be done,
By those who are looking to help you along your way,
And they will do so, genuinely, sincerely and that is more fun,
Than by upsetting more and more people every single day,

And throughout my extraordinary life, l have needed people,
To be there for me, when sometimes they did not want to be,
But once they understood my desires, they were soon peaceful,
And as a result, because of those people, l am just me,

The morning is still young, and the interview is tonight,
I must ensure that all my teams of specialists,
Are busy preparing the days’ events just right,
So that this evenings meals are all cooked without risk!


The Meeting

“It is such a genuine pleasure to meet with you.”
I said upon meeting Madame Janine Might,
“I have read all your articles, and l knew,
That with your writing up about us it would be ‘Just right’”
She had chosen to come here by her own means of transport,
Rather than the helicopter, or by trekker,
On the premise that she was on holiday the following day so denied the escort,
Offered her office by the restaurants’ chauffeurs,

Larger a woman, than l expected her to be,
Beautifully proportioned though it had to be said,
One who enjoyed her food l could easily see,
And if she was a horse, she would be a thoroughbred!
Her bosoms were enormous and flesh filled,
And l was in awe of her generous frame,
So much so, l stood for a moment totally thrilled,
Trying to think of a dish of  a new name!
You could tell by looking at her shapely figure,
Her rounded bottom, her curves were ‘Nice’,
Instantly l was taken by her over all demure,
And could see her with braised vegetables, sauce and brown rice!

But that is just me, l see all people like dishes of cuisine,
In my profession and experience as a chef,
One learns tricks of our trade if you see what l mean,
And it this in which l plan to share,
With her during my interview for her magazine,
In which l will explain to her about my life and lessons,
And she will then come to understand this evening,
What made my restaurant into the famous delicatessen!
That it is has become known as worldwide,
And is frequented by many established connoisseurs,
Who visit on regular basis and of course who did so decide,
To write off to her in the first place about whom we were!

Now we are both sitting at a small table overlooking it all,
The entire complexes of my wildest dream come true,
And if l say so myself l am impressed with the sprawl,
That resides below me, and is a remarkable view!
She is impressed with our in-house red wine,
That is manufactured here in Magura,
A rather stronger bodied red than some might find,
Elsewhere in Europe’s plethora’s,
Yes, say l, it is prepared by our own sommeliers,
Lizzie Batzhory and Fronken Steiner,
They took to the practice like skilled buccaneers,
And now craft their own wines like designers,

What they do with both red and white liquid,
Is incredible if l say so myself,
That they should be able to prepare it all so quick,
And need it not to stand for long upon the shelf!
Ah yes those two have been in my service for many a year,
It is safe to say without their talented skills,
That our little fancy restaurant l fear,
Would have to simply stand still,
For to not have fine wines of both red and white,
Present with our exotic dishes here,
Would make for the most dreadful fright,
To our client base who is simply adverse beer!

She is comfortable and looks to start her article,
Complementing the small hor d’oeuvres,
That she is munching through and classes as tropical,
Saying that they are indeed delightful small serves,
A small selection from our sous chef Lecter,
Specialising in the inner workings,
Of small animals brains and stem nectars,
Cooked especially with sauces whilst braising,

Janine informed me, that l was to be her last interview,
As she was to be going on her holiday,
Which was to be for a month or two,
And that she would be grateful if she may,
Use my fax machine to send the story to her editor,
By doing so ensuring that the article would be,
In the next months’ issue of ‘Restaurateur’,
Which would make me, she could tell most happy!

I can see by her explanation,
That the interview is to be fairly comprehensive,
And she wants to cover everything about the cafes’ characterisation,
Which pleases me more as l see the article is to be extensive,
She wants to know more about my history, and me,
How the idea originally was created,
What made me think of using the particular theme?
And how the a la carte menu was formulated,
How l picked my chefs,
And why they are named Fine Young Cannibals,
Not forgetting the actual complex,
Which she considers being completely radical!

The specialist experience at the tables,
And why we have so many residential regulars,
And how this enables,
Us to remain as popular as we are,
And l assure her, that she will not forget us in a hurry,
For l will award her with an interview of gold,
That will have her editor in a spellbound flurry,
For our methods here in Magura are somewhat bold,
In comparison to other restaurants around,
Europe and indeed the rest of the world,
Le Café Cannibal is one of a kind, and is renowned,
And its methods of cooking are old,
She requests more from the bottle of in house red,
Which l joyfully supply,
As l can see the contents are within her head,
But our reds are notorious for making the innocent awry …


The Interview

“My name is Jacques Montana Pettifers,
I am by birth an American, but lived in France,
For many of my younger years,
Whilst my parents lived away by some distance,
I have always enjoyed cooking and creating new recipes,
But was becoming bored with everything,
Way back in my mid-twenties,
So l took a journey of south sea exploring,
Where l had hoped l might discover some new inspiration,
And this would lead to me creating some hidden secrets,
To cooking in a specific way and making new sensations,
For the tongues of my awaiting palettes,

“However, my crew and l became beached,
Marooned in reality off the coast of Papua New Guinea,
Which was ironic really as we were trying to reach,
The Asmat tribe who were known for their own specialities,
In the cooking of rare game meats and other such trifles,
And l believed if l found them, they might introduce,
Me to their secrets of creating within the tribal,
Way of cooking meats and using the juices!
Chance it was that we were quite literally in their neck,
Of the woods, for my crew and l were rescued,
By some of their longboats and soon were upon their decks,
Alongside some of their recently captured foods!

“Once ashore we were taken to their gathering,
A mixture of somewhat quaint little huts,
Quite a commotion we caused and the whole tribe was chattering,
And l realised then that we had in fact found the Asmat!
Sadly my crew did not survive this expedition,
All of them fell for one reason or another,
But l did well, for l followed the tribe’s tradition,
And soon the chief was calling upon me like a brother,
As l had been a chef back in France,
It was easy for me to intermingle with their own cooks,
And by doing so, we were able to enhance,
Their own recipes with my knowledge from books,

“Soon we were creating some very fine faire game,
From their choicest of meats, fruits and vegetables,
And concocting dishes of no name,
For the tribes population at the dinner tables!
It was here in fact that l adopted the idea for my own hunters,
A term we use here in Magura,
Where upon my own team adopt the Asmat culture,
And locate the finest game meats using sharp arrows,
We are adverse using lead from the gun as it can stain the flesh,
But a razor sharp arrow head in the right spot,
Is much less damaging and the meat still remains fresh,
Allowing our cooks here to receive the meat before the blood clots!

“My main hunter here is Herr Worr Wulvf,
A fine German of much hardened experience,
Excellent procurer of game meats if l say so myself,
He can bring down these beasts on the edge of the sixpence!
I left the Asmat tribe a year or so after my arrival,
And continued along my merry way,
Of discovery to the secrets of fresh meats revival,
Known only by these small tribal buffets,
And over the next five years l became acquainted with many more,
From the Papua, to Africa and even Australia,
All of these small tribes and communities swore,
Me to secrecy of their cooking and of course their paraphernalia!

“And this l have upheld throughout all of my years of comprehension,
Of understanding, of knowledge gleaned,
And it is here in Le Café Cannibal and the invention,
Of the supporting complex that all my learning’s are screened!
Armed with all these fine secrets and mysterious skills,
Soon l started to create my own dishes for those, whom l worked,
Finding myself in some very fine eating houses in Brazil,
Indeed it is here that l met Lecter, which has always proved a major perk!
He and l decided seeing as we had similar tastes,
That perhaps we should open up our own little bistro,
Of which and where upon we could baste,
Meats of our choice and choosing to the paying gringos!

“Indeed this is where l was for many a year to come,
And it was where he and l, seriously started to flourish,
Starting to develop our general codes and rules of thumb,
To how we could further explore the wide possibilities of how to nourish!
Soon he and l were to part ways for a while,
Allowing us to further expand our worldly ways in delicacy,
We were wealthy men at this time and lived in style,
And were able to continue along most gentlemanly,
We did agree that we would both travel the far reaches,
To find others like us who shared the likeness of fine meats,
Or those whom were not adverse to our teachings,
And would like to come together in an idea that would make us complete,

“It was over the years in fact that both he and l,
Did so find our small merry crew of cooking specialists,
Who are all here today enjoying the splendours of our stir fry,
Found amongst many other styles within this restaurant,
All of us present in the here and now of the café,
Are chefs within our own rights,
Each specialising in specific dishes and bouquet,
Constantly still in the search of acquiring new heights,
My Fine Young Cannibals as they have come to be known,
Are named in memory of the lost tribes finest cooks,
Who themselves specialised in the developing of home-grown,
Ideas and concepts in the cooking of rare meat and what made it good!

“Introducing them to you by name,
We have myself of course chef de cuisine, Lecter, Herr Worr Wulvf,
You recall is in charge of procuring game,
Lizzie Bathzory and Fronken Steiner from the gulf,
Martinia de Sade, Vladr Acula, Shania Bean,
Swonny Todd also doubling as the barber here,
Ginio from the Leopard Society, and Edward Gene,
The latter is also our clothier!
We are a fully fitted and kitted out kitchen,
French in style with all of our titles,
Sous, chef de partie, sauciers, poissoniers and grillardins,
All of which are essentially vital,

Rôtisseurs, frituriers, entremetiers, garde manger, pâtissiers,
Everyone has their role within the kitchens here,
Not forgetting the sommeliers, game manager and Boucher,
Nor of course not forgetting the commis and the head Expediter!
In order for our fine young cannibals to create their sensations,
It was called for to have the finest selection,
Of cooks and chefs present and not to ration,
The staffing and not to stifle our collection!
With additional cannibals present such as Geoffrey Dammer
Richard Mindlessly, Toole Gocht,
Plus the Royal Countess herself Duchess Bombassa
Who have l forgot?

To add in this ticking off of some of the world’s finest,
Masters in culinary delights,
Known to many as simply the best,
In slicing, dicing, chopping and butchering with the knife!
No, l think l have now listed them all,
Fifteen including myself,
We all pitch in to help where it is needed so as not to fall,
Behind and leave paying clients upon the shelf,
Awaiting our specialised services,
So that they can order from our extensive a la carte,
A menu l must say filled with sumptuous purchases,
Indeed truly a sincere work of loving art!”

Now Janine Might is really getting into the story,
And again requests a refreshing of her wine,
She looks woozy as she listens to the cafes’ history,
I on the other hand, dribble as l think of her rounded behind!
I see she is indeed listening for she raises,
The subject of the Leopard Society and what it means,
Which l answer her with praises,
And blessings that she is so, so keen,
To learn about the ways of the café and all its secrets,
Of which that all our clients, and our regulars too,
Are paid up members to this zealot,
Styled society of diners true,
For it sits within the themed environment as well,
Of Le Cafe Cannibal and its quaint yet uncanny ways,
Where upon all members enjoy the wearing of the clientele,
Hides and skins of fallen animals that have seen better days!
That our in house clothier Edward Gene,
Is quite the seamster at heart,
And can ‘knock up’ some very fine themes,
From the skins of the departed!

First before the delightful menu is discussed,
She wishes to know about the decoration that adorns the restaurant,
What inspired me to dress it up as such,
So tribal and native and so full of decadence?

“Well if you consider that the restaurants’ name itself is based,
Upon the eating of flesh, rather apt l believe,
We had to make the clients understand the actual taste,
And in so doing it could only be achieved,
By displaying such ornaments from the tribes in which,
I earned so much of my valuable experience from,
By elaborating upon this style we enrich,
The overall ambience from their eyes to their ears with bongo drums!
Yes indeed, we have many original artefacts,
From longboats, to hunting weapons to skulls,
To statues, carvings and heavy war axes,
Animals hide and skins and even voodoo dolls!
Everything had to be just right and perfect
In order for those involved with us here at the café,
To thoroughly enjoy the eating experience and concept,
When participating and contributing towards the buffet”

Janine Might is indeed feeling the weight of our wine,
For she missed that little slip of the tongue,
But no problem, l will explain it again to her in time,
Quite possibly the moment before l slice off her bum!
She does however comment upon the presence of the cooking pot,
The huge ceramic shaped bowl that takes central position,
Within the actual restaurant,
Remarking that she finds this a realistic edition,
To the overall environment of the tribal inclination,
And is truly captivated by the fact,
That at this current time the logs beneath are under ignition,
Admitting also that she finds this arousing and attractive!

And now she wishes for me to discuss the dishes that we serve,
From the menu that is one of the best in all Europe,
As such winning the respect from our diners that it justly deserves,
Quite possibly the most specialised from anywhere around the globe!

“Our a la carte is split into three main sections,
Each titled with its own name,
Under each is an extremely wide selection,
Of meats and dishes that fall under ‘game’
There are as you can see, three styles of this title,
‘Big Game, Local Game and In House Game’
We specialise in ensuring that all the dishes served are delightful,
And that each of our clients or customers are excited and become inflamed,
“By the way in which it is cooked and as such served,
At the table in which they are residing,
We can of course cook the meats to the way it is preferred,
Always mindful of course that we are abiding,
By health standards as laid down by our own codes,
Of conduct, which were established so long ago,
By Lecter and myself on the road,
To where we are now and this splendid tableau,
I can see that you are curious to the term ‘Game’
Well l shall describe it to you further,
And in so doing it will explain,
Exactly what we do here so you can describe it well in the Restaurateur,

Because we offer so many exciting dishes, we had to display,
Them in an easier to understand language,
So that the average customer was not in the grey,
And made them look foolish or assuage!
Big game is or are the meat dishes of our large exotic range,
Of animals that we cook here,
Local game, the animals that are hunted on our own grange,
Whilst In House are the rare dishes that we adhere,
To in true Le Cafe Cannibal tradition,
Not often are we able to enjoy this truest of gourmet ‘Specials’
But every now and again, we do get to enjoy the richest of nutrition,
Provided by this sumptuous healthful,

“Only clients of the leopard society itself are allowed,
To order from the Local and in House selections,
Whilst the average cover are well endowed,
In their choices from the other section,
The In House is a bidder’s market,
And as such is usually the time of great excitement,
From the Leopards who spend huge amounts to get,
Their chosen cut, joint or other segment,
Of the rare meat that is offered from the pot,
Yes, the cooking pot in the centre there,
Is indeed one of the restaurants top cooking spots,
And only our Sous chef serves the shares!”

Janine Might l see in her slowly intoxicating position,
Is baffled by this latest bit of information,
And wishes to understand more of my last omission,
The wine affects her so, and leads to a confused frustration,
“I tell you what Janine” Says l,
“When the Interview is complete and you have written it up and sent it away,
You need to come by,
And sit down for a meal here, and relax from your working day,
We as it happens do have tonight an In House Auction,
You will be able to see for yourself what it involves,
And your confusion will disappear from my concoction,
You will see the bid from start to finish and then know how it evolves?”

She is happy at this, and we again start to discuss the menu,
Asking what meats we have in the Big Game selection,
“It is a rare choice indeed that l offer my customers from my venue,
Of which we have always striven to offer nothing but perfection,
So here you will see, if you cast your eyes,
Tiger, Lion, Wolf, Elephant, Camel and even Kangaroo,
Not forgetting Alligator, Crocodile and Chamois,
But we also have Lynx, Gazelle, Ostrich and Emu too,
Our Hunters for the Big Game are always busy,
Herr Worr Wulvf and his team are all over the place,
In so many exotic locations around the world, it makes me dizzy!
But always they return with the biggest of exotic braces!

“They keep our cold rooms and freezers stocked for months,
So we never fall short of choice,
And whatever the weather we are always able to function,
And our client base is constantly overjoyed,
Local game you now refer to l see,
Are quite simply small mammals here from our home grange,
That is available constantly,
From the Carpathian mountain range,
Again Herr Wulvf and his team of highly skilled ranchers,
Scour the countryside to procure suitable delicacies,
And never fail do they, to capture,
Fine examples for Le Cafe Cannibal festivities!

“Like many other eating establishments,
We too offer fine vegetables and fruits,
Again from all over the world’s environment,
From Timbuktu to Beirut,
Vegetables that you have obviously heard about,
The usual as they are seen and sold,
To rarer shoots, beans and sprouts,
And others that live in jungles untold!
Fruit forms an healthy part of our diet here and we do endeavour,
To ensure that we have the largest selection possible,
So that our chefs here can create some very clever,
Desserts and pies for our gourmet carnival!”

Janine requests a small leave of absence to clear her head,
She feels somewhat tired and tipsy,
No doubt incurred by our in house best full bloodied red!
But soon she is back, albeit slightly giddy, but just as cheery!
The night is still young, and l have ordered her some crackers,
To absorb the wine and dry her out somewhat,
Which will enable her to hear my answers,
To her interview questions no doubt,
She wants to know how many we can seat,
“We have eighty covers here l tell her so,
Although Leopard society members make up for roughly 85 percent,
But the rest of the tables are here for those who come and go.”
And what time do they start to arrive for it does seem a little empty?
“Most of the client diners arrive around eleven,
Although our passing trade starts to come in around now, see.”
I point to a small group of travellers numbering seven.
“The night is still early here Janine.” l add.
Most of the regulars come from afar,
But soon we will fill up and you will be glad,
For real parties begin and it will start to resemble an eastern bazaar!

Why did l think to add all the additional retail outlets?
She asks with her slurred voice,
“To make it a complete venue, and not to just have my eggs in one basket,
After all here at Le Café Cannibal it’s about choice,
So to have a 14 roomed Inn made for perfect sense,
We here in Magura are out of the way,
So to provide a night rest,
Means that travellers can start fresh the next day,
To have a barber was just a request from Swonny Todd,
He is quite adept with a knife,
And with the Inn it did not seem so very odd,
So we all agreed we should try,
The health spar is a regular feature for our clients,
Using it daily to keep fit,
Lowering their Cholesterol levels for science,
Rather than suffering from it becoming too thick,
The clothiers was an idea from Edward Gene,
One which has become very popular,
For as l have previously said he is quite a mean,
Seamster all said and done, and is loved by our regulars!
Plus we have all the other features as seen by those similar,
Fishing, shooting, hunting and of course trekking,
Indeed we offer most all that they would so require,
From a complex such as we have here in the Carpathian.”

She is very impressed she states,
At everything she has already seen and now hears,
And believes it would be a colossal mistake,
If those who read the article did not ever eat here!
With this, she informs me that she needs to write it all out,
And she will now retire to her room,
Once she is done she will give me a shout,
So that l may fax it to her office in Rome,
She excuses herself, and saunters off towards the Inn,
Whilst l simply sit back,
Enjoying the rear view with a sly grin,
Knowing it will not be long before l too..
…can partake in a bidder’ snack!


The Restaurant A La Carte

Janine returned to me, some three hours later,
She was attired for an evening’s dining,
Handing me the completed copy of the article now tailored,
In her own specific style of writing,
That she had become renowned for throughout the gourmet community,
Informing me, that she had done her absolute best,
For Le Café Cannibal gratuity,
Believing that this restaurant was a treasure chest,

And needed to be discovered and explored by those who looked for delights,
Created by chefs, who knew how to really cook,
And who experimented with no set limits,
Nor were they the run of the mill that did recipes only learned from books!

By this time, the restaurant was indeed starting to fill,
She noticed that the party of seven were no longer present,
l informed her that they had long ago paid their bill,
And were now on their way to diners’ heaven!

She was simply gorgeous it has to be said,
In her long dazzling and sparkling gown of red and black,
And the mere sight of her started to trigger images in my head,
Watching, as l was when she turned to me, presenting her voluptuous rack!
I cannot believe said l, that your husband allows you to travel,
Oh l am not married answered she and her history started to unravel,
After a few drinks of more of the fabulous in house red,
She was becoming quite blushed and looked ready for bed!
So, l ventured “Is it not time for you to think of eating,
You can peruse the a la carte here at your leisure,
For the meal tonight is on me for our meeting,
And l assures you Madame it is to be a real pleasure!”
The ambience of the café is starting to mesmerise,
Combined with the strong smells from the kitchens,
Exotic musical tones and distant drumming comes to her as a surprise,
With its intoxicating rhythm!

She remarks that she is starting to feel quite warm,
And the wine once again is making her feel unusual,
I tell her not to worry, it is just the restaurant beginning to transform,
And if she lets herself go, she will find it all rather beautiful,
The diner clients are all now taking to the seats,
Dressed in their Leopard skins and hides,
Watching to see what she chooses to eat,
Already like me, mentally their hands, tongues and eyes, caress this delicate bride,
I cannot wait to be able to freely run my fingers,
Over her generous body and her fine folds of flesh,
And my memory already drifts and lingers,
To other such bounties we have had here at the café!
“My!” She exclaims, there are just so many dishes to choose from,
I am not quite sure where to start,
Don’t worry l said again, give in to it, and just succumb,
And so she begins to look through Le Café Cannibal’s a la carte

The Big Game menu itself is infamous for its incredible selection of cuisine,
With over thirty Hors D’oeuvres alone,
Twenty different soups, Egg and omelette dishes it is supreme,
Forty fish recipes, and of course the Entrees and specials, we cannot be out done,
Dishes from the grill, cold meats always on tap,
Not forgetting the vegetables, fruits or potatoes,
And especially not the salads!
We have everything here for everyone’s palette and nose!
Admittedly she chose relatively well,
Five courses, starting with a simple hors d’oeuvre,
Of wild mushroom pate with marinated mussels out of shell,
With a huge smile upon her face conceding that it was fish that she truly loved,

This was to be followed by hot sour soup with king prawns, flavoured with herbs,
Poached duck egg and Jerusalem artichoke would be next,
Which judging by the photo looked superb!
And still she was overjoyed at the menus’ complex,
Structure, which she complimented us further by stating,
That never before had she seen such a marvellous and gratifying,
Selection of fascinating,
Dishes from so far reaching as this, was in so far as satisfying,

Finally, she ordered her last two dishes for the night,
Our mixed seafood salad was not to be missed,
And the exotic grill was indeed a recipe for her, Madame Janine Might,
She now truly was delighted at her talent for selecting such a beautiful mix!
The exotic grill, is one of the cafes’ real marvels,
And is ordered quite often it has to be said,
Considering that it consists of five special meats, hardly surprising of its appeal,
Slices of tiger, lynx, wolf, kangaroo and crocodile red,
With a generous fruit and vegetable side serving,
Of potatoes, pear, pineapple, mango, cabbage and green bean,
Apple, aubergine, papaya, leek and spinach curling,
Marinated in our own in house special sauce, ‘Clotting ‘

With this out of the way, she asked about the article,
I assured her it would be faxed the very next day,
And not to be worried or fearful,
That it would make its final destiny!
It was at this time, that she noticed finally,
The clients who surrounded our table,
Sitting in their own groups and parties silently,
Attired in their leopard society regalia,

She was at first a little startled and gasped in shock,
Commenting to me, that she was taken by surprise,
That all of the cafes’ regulars took,
It all so very seriously and sat to eat in their disguises!
And l told her again, that it was down to tradition,
Society members had to be dressed as such,
In order to participate in the cafes’ bidding auction,
For to not be attired as leopards then they could miss out much,
Of the nights’ special in house game meal,
Because of the rareness of such a gourmets’ delight,
It was truly considered to be a huge deal,
For it would mean that some real fine meat would be available tonight!

She wanted to know more about the wine,
Of which she had been drinking quite heavily all the time whilst ordering,
Saying that it was so unusual and yet remarkably divine,
But it did something to her senses, making her faltering,
With her words, and stumble and slur her speech,
It made her feel oddly aroused, which she found rather odd,
As a regular wine drinker had never encountered such claret that made her want to reach,
Again and again for the bottle like it was a God!

She started to flirt and smile and lean forwards,
Her dress open at the front as it was showed me ample cleavage,
Which in turn offered me just rewards,
Her interpreting this as an advantage,
And let it be l thought, who am l to say no,
With breasts such as these, and no bra visible,
All l can do is urge her onwards with a huge ‘go’
My real thoughts and desires to her are invisible!

The cooking pot in the centre floor has all this time been bubbling away,
She laughs gaily, and adds that she is still so very impressed,
At the way that we encourage the theme this way,
With the drums beating the way they are, she is feeling slightly overdressed,
When she notices cut vegetables being added to the pot,
Again she finds it all very amusing,
Wondering why we are adding ingredients to the imaginary broth,
Is a little confusing!

But she gets up now, and says she would like to dance,
By all means l say, dance yourself away,
She cannot help herself, the wine, music, atmosphere all adds to the enhancing,
Of the café’s romantic alluring bouquet,
So she sways in the centre floor, rhythmically,
Her long brown hair falling in tresses down over her shoulders,
Her eyes shut, and she moves so hypnotically,
Watching as l am, feel a stirring and l begin to smoulder
Strange noises from the other side of the room catch her attention,
Casting her eyes into that direction,

She sees a pair of leopards in strange sexual convulsions,
And realises that an orgy of the strongest arousing affection,
Is taking place between not just two but most of the diners,
Startled she stops dancing and stumbles over the ceramic pot,
Holding the rim to steady her, and burning her hand on the pyre,
Looking in to the bubbling ingredients that makeup the broth,

And screams in genuine terror, for a head is looking back at her,
Suddenly by her side, l soothe her trembling frame,
Her soft shivering moaning and whimpering, with my cat like purr,
And introduce the dish of the day by name,

“Janine, my little love, surely by now you must understand,
Le Café Cannibal is a restaurant that specialises in the fresh,
This dish you see here before you now is not yet truly stained,
Until we add the final ingredients of the night, which is your proud flesh!
The travellers of before were stripped down and cut up and have been brewing quite nicely,
But they are mere supplements in comparison to you,
And in order for the auction to actually commence we need to be precisely,
Correct in our timing, so that we add the delicacy true,
With this she swoons in feint and promptly hits the floor,
All the Leopards at once laugh and cheer,
Starting to applaud!

For they too know only too well that auction time is truly here!
Calling over Swonny, l ask him to tend to Madam Janine Might,
‘Prepare her properly my friend’
For l feel the restaurant will do very well this night,
With the amount of body this woman has to share out, it seems a rather fitting end,
And off he sauntered dragging the limp carcass behind,
Whilst l harried to the floor and calmed down the other leopards,
Assuring them all that it was nearly indeed time,
To start the bidding and possibly set and establish new records!


Serving at Le Café Cannibal

Swonny is truly an expert in his chosen field be this chef or barber,
For when our dish returned so beautifully prepared,
I was indeed taken by a genuine surprise, seeing her naked form l was enamoured,
So pink from the scrubbing, cleanly shaven and no longer haired,
To not spoil any of her flesh, we hoisted her above with rope,
There she dangled for all to see,
Until slowly she again awoke,
With her lips sewn tight, she was unable to scream like a banshee!

‘Here ladies and gentlemen, we have a fine specimen of human’
As you can no doubt see, she is truly well fleshed all over,
Well-proportioned finely shaped woman,
Tonight we intend to sell her all, and not award any to our clothier!
Sorry Gene, but this is too beautiful to merely waste,
Allowing the body to lose this shape,
Only to attire someone else’s fashion taste,
In a coat, shawl or even curtain drapes!

In true society tradition, there can only be two chefs that perform the cutting task,
Ginio and Lecter, l request your presence here please,
For one of you is to slice whilst the other can baste,
Perhaps even to first release some fat, in order to shine the body with grease?
Janine Might alas, cannot do much but attempt to writhe and stare,
As two leopard chefs arrive by her dangling form smiling,
Looking at her in absolute admiration, and pondering whether to start here or there,
Perhaps even to carve with some inventive styling!

It was Lecter, who first spoke to her, ‘Good evening Madam Janine Might’
‘I am to be your chef here, your personal fine young cannibal’,
‘Ensuring that l share your portions right’,
‘My name is Lecter, but my friends call me Hannibal!’
‘Perhaps you have heard of me, l am quite well known’
‘There is quite a bit of history to me’
‘And my ability to dine with others when alone’
‘But tonight l am yours, yours only!’

Her eyes opened completely wide at this terrifying bit of news,
But what can she do, except allow the proceedings to take place,
Whilst we all share in Hannibal’s’ creative abuse,
He places a mask upon her face!
‘Not good to have such terrifying images present to scare the clients’ he remarks,
‘And so Ginio, now we must begin the process of bidding slices’
‘Stop this Tomfoolery and get on with our task!’

Ginio has already brought forwards to the altar the bizarre devices,
That is to tear and rend flesh from our lucky victim,
Cutting into her body like it was butter,
And doing so in perfect timing to the music’s rhythm!
The body was lowered to a trolley so that the show could begin,
Ginio with expert flicks of his wrist, and armed with a small meat pounder,
Started to tease the flesh, with a constant flow of hammering,
Which tenderises the meat and makes the flesh more rounder,

The snap of bones under his skilled hands is a real pleasure to my ears,
Although the rib cage is left intact,
Everything else is smashed and awarded by cheers,
From the bidders who also like to hear the cracks,
We like to make each auction a magical performance of its very own,
As it is indeed such a rare event,
All we could hear from Janine was an inward agonising moan,
With the acceptance that her life was now spent!

Now that this tenderising is complete, we can at last start to cut,
But first we must start the auction,
Almost at once we had a high bid for the heart,
Which is always quite common,
We knew that this would have to be taken last,
For to take it now, would surely spoil the nights’ fun,
And the bidder accepted this courteously when asked,
Joyously stating that this was fair as of yet, the cutting had not even begun!

Huge trays were now placed underneath the trolley to capture some of the blood,
For our sommeliers were now in attendance,
And were already making suggestions upon the approaching flood,
Of special clarets, Bordeaux and burgundy’s that the liquid would grant!
The body was again hoisted upwards but this time with the feet apart,
For this is to make the selection of fillets, rare cuts and steak,
And the release of fats, and offal an easier task,
Years of experience in butchering, and one has to learn by mistakes,

So now we have the carnivorous pleasures of eating,
At its extreme best,
Knowing that if one is to be splitting,
A carcass into many pieces, then it is to be achieved with no stress!
Each ankle at this time has been cut so as to allow the hook entry,
This now makes the hanging of her body much easier,
And to make everything else much less messier,
Not forgetting the chef’s job at hand of retrieval!

I am at this time, ironically eating Janine’s meal, which arrived a little while back,
Seems a shame to waste it, and it makes for suitable intermission,
Whilst awaiting the cleansing of the body and the removal of the tack,
That is not needed to be purchased and can be easily hidden!
At this time, l hear a friendly ‘Hello there Jacques!’
Looking behind me, l sees my good old friend ‘The Editor’ Marguerite,
‘Oh hello, welcome back!’
‘Obviously you are here to eat?’

‘Perhaps you could do me a small favour afterwards on your way back home?’
Of course says she, anything to help out!
‘Could you drop something into an office mail box in Rome?’
‘Of course, that is not a problem, as it happens it is on my route!’
Looking now, at what was once Madame Janine Might,
I can see that she has been properly slaughtered,
And that now the truth of this event is visible tonight,
Still she be beautiful despite being seriously altered,

But my cravings for the flesh nowadays,
Are completely different to what they were when l was a young man,
Desires and sin of sexual nature are always outweighed,
When it comes to the eating of human flesh l now understand!
For now she has been beheaded, skinned also to a certain degree,
Bled dry, gutted, and cut through from the pubic bone,
Allowing the clients to see the richness of this night’s delicacy,
The carcass slowly coming to two halves from once just being one,

The buttocks, breasts and other valuable slices plus organs,
Have each been placed onto silver platters,
Hands and feet off and looking like long lost orphans,
Most of which will end up in our kitchens for soups and stock making later,
Her rib cage especially desired, has also now been extracted,
Shoulders, neck and muscles, even the brisket,
Thigh fillets, upper arm steaks, upper leg also subtracted,
Everything has been stripped away and sold to the buying market,

For now all that is left of this once ‘great’ writer,
Has been carted off to our heated kitchens and is being cooked,
To be caressed by our loving cannibals and turned into mouth size biters,
Not one scrap of flesh is left unattended or overlooked!
And we find a use for everything from the body,
So there is no waste, absolutely none at all,
Bones will be ground down and made into our specialised coffee,
And an added bonus from her will be soon her article upon our wall!


There are many benefits to having a society such as ours,
When important people, writers in this instance,
Go missing; these benefits are turned into alluring powers,
For to have members who come from all professions and distance,
Means that never are you finding yourself under suspicion,
From authorities who are looking into strange disappearances,
As such the police never once came to see us,
Why should they in fact, it would make no sense,

For even Madame Might’s editor made no fuss,
When one considers that the local police chief and a few other high pointers,
Are leopards of Le Café Cannibal’s society,
Have been since the tradition was first anointed,
All posing questions were never aimed at me,
The article in the ‘Restaurateur Ranch’ was a great success,
And received many highly structured reviews and raves,
All thanks to Marguerite Pontess,

Another leopard for many a day,
Some of our leopards, have been with me from day one,
Whether they wanted to be or not,
But however, the fact remains the same, craving of human flesh is still an addiction,
And not something a politician as an example would need to be in the news spot!
So we live a very contented lifestyle,
Partaking in the finer art of cannibalism,
A much under written delicacy yet vital,
And still very much a daily act of the flesh eating animal kingdom!

I bid you farewell, and bon appétit!

© Rory Matier 2012

15 thoughts on “Remains of the Day – The Complete Poem

  1. When I’ve started to read I felt like home, Magura into Carpathian…and then slowly, slowly I’ve started to feel uneasy: Fine Young Cannibals, Le Café Cannibal, Lecter…OMG…I knew it!
    Let’s say, I would never go to eat at Le Café Cannibal 😱😓
    However awesome job Rory!

    1. Ha ha – oh yes, there are some eateries, l might avoid also.

      Mind, l found one place many years ago in Romania, when l was there on a holiday and this is way back in the 80’s. That was made up to look like a spooky dungeon that was very similiar, l mean it wasn’t at all, but it was all mock ups 🙂

        1. Oh it was you ha ha 🙂

          I was like who on earth is someone?

          I had just created your The Eurythimics – set for 5.55am UK time which l guess is 1pmish your time?

        2. Yes 😊🤪 Don’t know why sometimes is not loading my profile! 🤔 thank you Rory! I’ll enjoy my lunch time with Eurythmics 🧸😊

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