The Positive Brain …
… Clarifying My Direction
Do you know the two things that most people think about when you mention 1] positivity and 2] positive people? It’s quite easy as there are usually two main responses – one for the negative and one literally for the positive or in other words some people find both positivity and positive people bloody annoying and a waste of time whilst others are mostly inspired and want to learn more. Positivity is one of those emotions that can grate people the wrong way equally as much as become a contagion. The secret to positivity is finding a balance. The secret to harmony is finding balance, and one of the most difficult things to not only find and acquire but maintain and sustain is ‘balance’.
Angie of King Ben’s Grandma commented on the last episode “Life still happens and no one can stay positive all the time, but we can choose it as our “default”. What Angie says is actually true, it comes down to ourselves whether we wish to be all doom and gloom or the flipside to that.
But the real truth is that in order to remain upbeat you have to be balanced in the first place, so that when you slump you can pick youself back up and start forwards again and aim for the motivation. But that can be hard and for a lot of people, perhaps understandably given the state of play of our world today instead of going for gold again, they will then start to work on a more realistic level of positivity and especially more so if they have tried to remain focused but keep being knocked back.
Generally speaking most people tend to sit on the ‘minus fence of positivity’ rather than the ‘plus fence of positivity’. It is a safer seat for starters, people that sit here are neither 100% pessimistic or 100% optimistic …
Now l used to be a very upbeat highly motivated individual with oodles of positivity and people used to say that not only was that contagious but so too was my hyena laugh [yes l admit to laughing like a hyena when l find something seriously funny, failing that l oink like a pig! I know one extreme to the other, but then when something is really funny, l am crying, without breath and my sides need surgery to be sewn up again!]
Journal Entry -The Positive Brain as a series isn’t a 1 – 10, 20, 50 or whatever step by step guide to becoming positive, it’s more of a personal journey, that l am choosing to journalise for my blog. It is just another aspect to my blog’s genre which is ‘Storytelling my life for you’.
I started changing at the start of 2019 personally and professionally, l started to seek out my direction for my future last year and at the closure of 2018 and the commencement of 2019, l started to see the light of where l needed to be to be more complete as me as a person.
Simply put, l wasn’t happy with my life when l knew l could be more than l was currently being. This isn’t a reflection upon my relationship with Suze either as together we are happy, and we know that. We are both just not happy with our life the way it is, and we needed to change to make it more fun and worth living and try and remove the gloom and the drudgery of routine. Thankfully, as a couple we can both say firmly hand upon heart that we are solid, and true to each other.
2017 was a very hard year for both of us in so far as Suze’s emergence full time into post menopause and her negative physical and emotional reactions to HRT aka Hormone Replacement Therapy which turned her into a demon, her words … l just don’t disagree. She came off it within six months in that year and prefered to combat it naturally again, and whilst the road was still rocky at least l could sleep safely in my bed at night.
But 2017 was a very difficult year for me also, but l picked myself up with my positivity and l kicked a load of my own demons in their ass later on the year and stopped a thirty year burden l was carrying. With the start of 2018, then l had major problems with my shoulder as many of you may recall, and still know that l am slowly starting to rebuild from that.
So it is safe to say that from March 2017 – January 2019 the two of us as a loving couple faced some real trying times. A couple of years back l was preparing for the worst. Hell even last November with my post A Man on Pause l wasn’t totally sure where l was with us as a couple? But we stood by each other and we got through the darkened tunnel, so that where l sit today in July 2019, l can say that as a couple we are rock solid and still very much in love which is good for six and a half years.
However on the end of last year l felt the stirrings of change entering my mind again, l tend to look at these things as a kind of personality awakening mode. The last awakening l had was in 2011. Three years after receiving my diagnosis for Asperger’s and realising that l had accepted it into my life and l started to rework my identity using me as the core essence – to those who received a later diagnosis of Asperger’s/autism in their lives [30’s/40’s] this paragraph will resonate with them far more than perhaps those not directly upon the spectrum.
From 2009 to 2011 l wrote nearly 2000 rhyming poems on many subjects but mostly on discovery and rediscovery and finding myself and acceptance of myself and from my past. But by 2012, l knew that probably somewhere in the future was due another awakening. I have had them all the way through my life for one reason or another, but each time l experience them, l am like a snake shedding the previous skin. I think we all do this, as we age, mature, become wiser and add more points to this thing called ‘our life’.
So this series is focusing on me and my journey through the awakening of 2019 and the steps l plan to undertake to become a me, that l am totally happy with, that l can live with more easily, that l like, as well as trying to rekindle some of the very inner core of who l am and as well as who l used to be. We tend to lose some of our direction as we get older. Life has a way of making us more cynical, negative and cautious.
It is really me clarifying my direction – who do l want to be, who am l really, where do l want to be, where do l see myself going, am l worth who l am, am l really happy and if not, how do l improve my life to make me feel more fulfilled? These are all questions and many more, l started asking myself in January.
This searching began then. As to the duration of this particular series? I couldn’t really say, l will write a post when l have something to say, display, failed on, chanced upon realisations, achieved something. I would say, probably a good year, it is also running alongside to a certain degree The Changing Face – which may run for six months or so also.
What’s the point to getting old if we don’t learn anything about ourselves?
Time will tell l guess, it always has, it always will and it always does.
Remember it is always good to challenge yourself, to ask yourself questions that sometimes you might not like the answers to.
Thanks for reading.
Part 2 – Next Week