Salute To The Frozen Seat


For the very best in Toilet Taboo here’s my salute to the Frozen Loo!

Salute To The Frozen Seat

Have had this friend, and many like them for some time,
Albeit, not often are these dear friends addressed in rhyme,
Shame really, for they are oft there when needed the most,
However as said, hardly are they ever saluted in toast!
You have them also, but probably pay them no mind!
Strange really, for they are always not far from your behind!

You may, like me, see them several times a day,
Conversation is usually one sided, and they don’t like to play!
But, they are the foundation of our very inner core,
Not difficult seeing as they are anchored to the floor!
Meetings are usually sought not long after one has eaten,
Sometimes bless, they are the victims to some serious mistreating!

In warmer climes, we hardly know they are there,
Sitting with them as we do, and they are always open to share,
Come frostier times of the year, and we do feel their presence,
For it’s then that we feel their true humour with no pretence!
These are the times that we approach with dread and fear,
For now our friendship is tested to the fullest of frontiers!!

Yes indeed, they may be one of our closest associations,
Alas in winter time, their acquaintance is related to damnation!
For it’s not the friendship that l simply detest,
It’s the bloody frosted seat that makes me so stressed!
As needs must, and nature calls, l start to descend,
Suffering those frozen agonies from my cold seated friend!

Thinking as l am whilst seated upon the royal throne,
Hurry up, be done before this seats adheres to my bones!
Once the body gives the all clear, l am up and gone!
Bading farewell to my friend, and with that l am withdrawn,
I would be stuck without the presence of this companion,
Even if during winter it’s like sitting arse out in the Grand Canyon!

© Rory Matier 2012




17 thoughts on “Salute To The Frozen Seat

  1. Why but I have to say “hats off” to you for ever thinking of penning this lovely poem! Indeed, how ungrateful we are towards these unsung heroes. Imagine a life without this friend, could you? Thank you so much for calling our attention to this important matter. Next time I see it, I will bow before I use it. Lol!

      1. Our number one guy has gone #2
        I’m not sure that’s a good idea. My kids built a rockery in the toilet once, cracked the bowl and flooded the house. Imagine what a headstone will do to it.
        ‘Here lie the remains of a Guy Called Bloke
        Flushing him caused the crapper to choke
        The seat will our boys bottie miss
        So go elsewhere if you need to pi.. yeah you get the ice!!

  2. You have picked up a most unusual topic to write a poem about. True friend, definitely. Can’t live without them.

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