The Positive Brain …
…The Baggage We Carry
Between the years 1989 – 1993 exclusively and age wise 26 – 30 l lived in London, l worked for a couple of large organisations at that time both involved in retail management, high calibred recruitment profiling and training. One was a full time salaried position whilst the other was a contract position. In addition to that l was writing for the adult industry as a hobby as well as working as a part time male escort for fun. I was always busy. When l wasn’t working or escorting l was out clubbing. I hardly ever slept and could survive literally on about three hours every two – three days. I was obsessed with making every hour count in the day, and so in order to achieve that l worked all the hours l could.
Due to the hours l was keeping l earned an exceedingly good income, ironically l both lived to that income as well as couldn’t spend all my income – life was good – l was doing everything l wanted to do. I covered all my professional desires equally as much as my personal desires and fancies.
I found that if l didn’t specifically think about being down, or tired or anything negative, it didn’t matter and it never hit me because l was too busy to allow it to drag me down. I was thoroughly enjoying my roles in business, and got an absolute kick out of everything on the personal side.
My colleagues and my bosses alike were inspired by my enthusiasm for life, my motivation and zest for the pursuit of not only excellence but overall achievement – my credo back then was ‘You can be all you wish to be if you differently think. I didn’t just ‘think differently, l was a different thinker.
I was confident, naturally, not the confidence of the over cock sure, the confidence of a man who knew what he wanted and how to achieve it. I ‘ll not say the world was at my feet, but it was my oyster. The world of motivation had become my plaything and l played hard and fast in that world.
I had expectations of what l could achieve with my confident positivity and my unique outlook with regards ‘differently thinking’. I was a calculated risk taker as well as somewhat of a risque element to many others. People didn’t know what to make of me.
Employers knew exactly how to treat me and what situations l not only dealt with smoothly but thrived under. Professionally l could take everything everyone threw at me, and because l didn’t stop long enough to think of the impact, l was able to continue like this for long periods of time. I wore many masks long before l knew that is what l was doing. I did that back then to both cope and show different personas.
1989 – 1993 l was 100% in total confidence of all of my abilities … in many respects l didn’t have a care in the world. I wasn’t married or in a full relationship, l was young and carefree, l didn’t own my own home, l rented an excellent London apartment and was hardly ever there, l ate out every night, l partied hard, l clubbed and l danced harder from dusk to dawn when not working.
The phrase ‘oozing confidence’ was not my middle name, it was my main name – alongside other names that people referred to me as – motivated, positive, energetic, inspired, celebrated, accomplished, unique and above everything, strangely different!
When you possess those attributes you can set targets, think on the spur of the moment and achieve great things …… l was classed as both a forward and progressive think tank. Where l excelled effortlessly was being able to train high management including directorship and retail floor staff as if they were no different when it came to status. For me, they were not CEO’s or shop staff, they were people. They were people, that’s all.
When holding my training sessions l sat everyone down together and spoke to them as one body – no one was allowed any rank privilages because they were all in my eyes – trainees. They had come to the organisation that l worked for to receive a quality training package, and one of my guidelines was that everyone regardless of their position within their specific company was treated in the same way.
They were the days indeed!
From late 1993 – mid 1997 l was working as a Manager/Trainer in a couple of positions and by that time, especially l should imagine from very early 1997 l had started to slow down. I had acquired more baggage. I married at 30  and from that point onwards my life started to change some might even suggest it started to spiral downwards. Although l began my brokerage business in late 1995 – the days of working with lots of people requiring motivational training had gone.
Now l have always been a fairly optimistic chap, apart from the down times of depression l paid mention to last week but everyone has those episodes in their lives, perhaps not to the same degree, but they still occur.
Some twenty plus years on from 1997 and whilst l am today and have been for the last year or so quite motivated, l am nowhere near the man l was when l was 30. Not entiredly due to marriage as a fault, but life stepping into your way and placing very deliberate obstacles in your path. They say as you age, you mature and become more experienced and wiser, but you also slow down and become somewhat cynical to this thing called life and you acquire a load more baggage! Soon it isn’t long before you are overburdened with it all!
From the start of this year l made a decision to change my life, l was going to offload all the unnecessary paraphernalia l had acquired along my journey and start to concentrate upon a big tidy up of my life. I had lost my way for a while during 2017, which was decidely rough for all areas of my life. 2018 was tough, but survivable and from the start of this year l started to feel my old positivity levels start to resurface which was quite an exciting thrill l have to say.
As l have said, l was never really without positivity and optimism, but sometimes l lacked enthusiasm and motivation which supports the first two. But this year l decided to stop buggering about and put stop to what l call ‘positive procrastination’ better known as ‘getting ready to get ready’.; I had fallen into that pit in 2017 of devaluing my worth! It’s something we all do, we lose our confidence to believe in ourselves, and in so doing we lose our self esteem which has the knock on effect of taking away our inner steam!
I have had a lot on the go this year, and l have very deliberately attempted with some excellent success of making myself very busy again, to inwardly boost my confidence and motivation levels. I have done a lot of work in the blog, most of it goes unseen, that matters not, l wanted to tidy house and throw away the clutter. I then extended that into my life and commenced the big declutter – getting rid of stuff that no longer needs to be carted about. Not just physical material things, but emotional vaults. But more importantly, offloading things that are simply no longer part of my identity and personality.
In the last six weeks especially l have made some very serious leaps and bounds and a lot of postive progression forwards and have given myself a hefty pat on the back. I think we forget to congratulate ourselves – we seemingly have this belief that to do so is perhaps a little pompous and that we don’t need to do that! Well l think we do actually – l think we all get into the routine of not acknowledging good work that we achieve.
I am terrible at receiving compliments from others, but these days l hardly ever compliment and congratulate myself for a job well done! Well no more.
“I am very pleased with myself for the achievements l have found success with this year alone!”
Sometimes l feel that as much as it is nice to receive a compliment from another – that at times when we compliment ourselves it is worth more. When we can understand that there is no sin nor shame to accepting gratitude from ourselves for an accomplishment that we feel pride in. I had forgotten to award myself over the years a clap for good work. We become so very accustomed to NOT congratulating ourselves with open arms, that we become even more cynical to our self worth.
This year l set myself a lot of targets, it’s the first time l have actually set myself physical targets for roughly five years. But l set them all the same, that by the end of 2019 l would have achieved 75% of my overall 100% target figure with the remaining percentage to be achieved by this time next year. In literal terms l am currently around 50% so l am very pleased with myself at achieving a half way mark already!
I ‘ll not list all ten of my targets here just yet, but l will display four.
1] To rekindle the positivity that l had in my mid to late twenties, but allowing for my ageing process, so that l would develop a new positive me and get busy again!
Well with everything that l have been working on this year, that has started to rematerialise – obviously l am no longer a young 26 or a dazzling 30 year old, l no longer work directly with hundreds of people, but l do indirectly have contact with hundreds of people weekly through and via the blog. My readership have become one of the best sounding boards l have ever had and l am extremely grateful for their presence in my life. My readership has improved my confidence and my self esteem which has in turn allowed me to once more understand my worth. Something which had eluded me for quite some time.
But it wasn’t just my positivity that needed boosting – l knew that l had to undergo a major declutter to get back what l had when l was 30 and whilst l will get into that as this series develops that alongside the initial inspiration was the main target – to bring back differently thinking.
To bring back –
Focus – Energy – 100% Creativity – Adrenalin Surges – Brain Optimization – Time Management – Happiness – Motivation – Life Passion – Optimistic Positivity – healthy Body – Healthy Mind – Power Thinking = Focus
Well that is paying off – those attributes have started to reignite and that happens with a strong confidence. Once you start to understand that your confidence, self esteem, belief in yourself and self worth is back, then everything else starts to fall into place, so you need to test youself – albeit with baby steps to begin with …
2] To completely tidy up my internal blog, listing and linking and develop a new branded image for it.
After a lot of different writing in 2018, l knew by the start of this year how l wanted to progress my blog forwards – what my direction was going to be, what l was going to do with my blog and how the blog was going to change shape during 2019 to achieve the complete picture by 2020.
Well l have been experimenting with lots of different ideas some of which you will have seen. I had wanted to ensure that l maintained and sustained a diverse range of genres in the blog, l am still working on that concept, but so far it is working.
I had wanted to change the face of the blog also, and quite recently you have seen changes with regards new banners and a new logo as well as started to read from the series The Changing Face. Well that is ongoing thanks to Lisa of Lismore Paper who is still working on the many images that are required to complete the branding which will be completed in the next couple of months.
This is an achievement – the vision l had is starting to materialise, and l am very pleased that l managed to get this into motion.
3] To stop smoking and mean it, because ‘I’ wanted to give up.
Well in all l was a smoker for 37 years, considering l turned 56 this year, you don’t need to be Einstein to work that out. I had packed up reluctantly in 2015 for my health but missed smoking everyday and went through all sorts of concoctions to asist me to NOT smoke, but l lacked the actual motivation to stay a non-smoker and when stress hit hard in 2017 l went for the first crutch and started smoking again – yes it was stress, but l missed smoking so much at that point so as bad as the stress was, l used it as a viable excuse to commence again. Not good enough mate!
So this year l was determined to give up smoking because l wanted to. I tried it once briefly but failed, and then became very angry with myself. I knew that l was going to start vaping, and that l would stop vaping in March 2020 if not before. So l started to use my positivity to ‘hate’ cigarettes – it worked. I had stopped smoking before my vape kit had arrived by three days. The very last cigarette l actually smoked was six weeks Friday just gone.
That’s an achievement to be recognised and congratulated by myself for myself.
I now do not even smoke a high nicotine liquid, but am happily on a low mg liquid, very low indeed with a view to ceasing nicotine based liquids in October.
4] To stop taking tablets, improve my shoulder and improve my health using positivity.
Well, l now only take 4 tablets a day whereas l was four weeks taking 15, l am slowly but surely rebuilding my arm with a few exercises that l have learned. Not pushing the boat out too far at once, lest l end up in the same place again. Suze being in Australia for two weeks and having to attend the garden and especially the watering has been painful, but as corny as it is – the credo “No pain, no gain” holds true here as it has allowed me in addition to the exercises to recover the strength in my arm lost for nearly 18 months.
The other motivator was of course Scrappy, my dog with all her own health issues she still has the determination to make the best of her lot. So l was able to study her and utilise K9 thinking which is about as far as one can go into differently thinking in regards to being human – Want to get better? Think like your dog!
Okay, well so far, that’s working. I still have pain but not as severe as it once was , l am no hero and l have no wish for intense and extreme pain, but l know that using my mind as well as my focus l can defeat this and so far, l am achieving this.
Very recently as in Friday and Saturday just gone – l performed a weeks worth of Redbubble layout work with regards my Classic Eggshell Moments designs and achieved that in 2 days.
This time however, l was more the old me with the regarding of ‘what designs needed to be ousted’. I did have 200 designs in situ and 11 collections, not now. Using the Redbubble statistics dashboard l was able to easily identify what warranted staying on board and what needed to be got rid of? I was really realistically brutal with the slimming operation! Now l only display 70 designs total held in four collections.
In addition to that l was able to correct and redesign the display page in blog to be more efficient. I performed this task because next week l am starting up a new shop in Teemill which only sells tee shirts and tote bags but is 100% environmental with its organic and bamboo cotton ranges and l have plans to display 25 of my designs there. The week following that l have plans to open up a Spreadshirt shop and show a selection of assorted fashion merchandise with 15% of my overall design collection.
The designs are merely a hobby, but instead of just continually putting it off, ‘again positive procrastination – l am going to get them done.
So where am l now?
So far – this new me, this new strain of powered positivity is working and it is becoming easier to maintain and sustain and is already achieving success. I can’t complain.
If you would like to take something away from this episode for you – take this:
Remember that it is okay to acknowledge yourself, that it is more than okay to celebrate achievements in your life, why wait for someone else to compliment you, when you can do so yourself. It’s not wrong to award yourself praise for your own good work.
Thanks for reading
Part 1 – Next Week