Open Shut Eyes Wide
I never seem to know why it is this way,
But it is, not always, but a lot,
Irrelevant to what l have done that day,
Sometimes the mind never stops!
Am unsure when it will strike,
No set pattern it just hits,
As such, l am unawares if you like,
When the mind decides to blitz!
I mean, when l start to drift,
The mind usually accepts the decision,
But for some reason, the mind shifts,
And treats sleep with a form of derision!
Lying there trying to relax with eyes shut,
Yet mentally alert, more so than before bed,
It’s like a lost leader somewhat,
For already imagination’s alight in my head!
Toss and turn l will trying to understand,
Why sleep deprives my choice,
And the mind is out of hand,
Not allowing me to quiet my mental voice!
Reading before light is out,
Is supposed to tire ones’ subconscious state,
This usually works throughout,
A given week, yet at times it’s like an open gate,
Buttons depress somewhere deep inside,
Insisting on thoughts alien to me,
Keeping open shut eyes wide.
Making me look even deeper into the key,
Of the why, what and when,
Life presents to me every day,
Over and over and over again,
Which is why the mind does sway!
Of very recent times, l do indeed find,
That like now as l write,
It is because of trapped thoughts in mind,
Needing to be released before the night,
Is done, over and a brand new day,
Awakens before l allow my mind to darken,
Like a burden of some religious cult flaying,
Seeking justice through mental marking!
Many thoughts and ideas worm their way,
Into my mind all the time,
Each and every day,
Not always do l understand truly why,
But know that l must write like easing a pain,
That sits deep within my head,
And writing eases the troubles for me again,
Better off out that in, and the mind is bled!
Admittedly l am used to insomnia,
Having been awake most of my slumbering times,
Like it is sleep that l fear,
And being awake never tires,
My mind, like it does others,
Who seemingly can sleep relatively well,
Owners of minds that are simply not adverse,
Closing down of the mental nerve cells!
Perhaps musicians and lyrists suffer like this,
When notes and rhythms pound within,
Their minds all hours, knowing no peaceful bliss,
But live like me in troubled skin,
Unknowing why l am here sometimes at all,
And not happy until the ultimate piece,
Is present and clearly visible,
And wanting to be written down finally released,
Is that the secret perhaps, to total sleep?
That maybe, we can finally rest our minds,
When we have allowed the deep,
To surface and express itself and we unwind?
And that once it is open and suspended,
For all to see and witness what we meant,
When we started, that this was intended,
And only now has the mind relented?
But until that time, must l lie awake,
With a racing mind and deepest thought,
Pounding and bouncing and shaking,
My brain, making me mentally overwrought,
Not knowing an inner peace,
Till l have been not at all asleep again,
And the final beautiful piece,
Eventually comes alive under my pen?
© Rory Matier 2012