Open Shut Eyes Wide

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Open Shut Eyes Wide

I never seem to know why it is this way,
But it is, not always, but a lot,
Irrelevant to what l have done that day,
Sometimes the mind never stops!

Am unsure when it will strike,
No set pattern it just hits,
As such, l am unawares if you like,
When the mind decides to blitz!

I mean, when l start to drift,
The mind usually accepts the decision,
But for some reason, the mind shifts,
And treats sleep with a form of derision!

Lying there trying to relax with eyes shut,
Yet mentally alert, more so than before bed,
It’s like a lost leader somewhat,
For already imagination’s alight in my head!

Toss and turn l will trying to understand,
Why sleep deprives my choice,
And the mind is out of hand,
Not allowing me to quiet my mental voice!

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Reading before light is out,
Is supposed to tire ones’ subconscious state,
This usually works throughout,
A given week, yet at times it’s like an open gate,

Buttons depress somewhere deep inside,
Insisting on thoughts alien to me,
Keeping open shut eyes wide.
Making me look even deeper into the key,

Of the why, what and when,
Life presents to me every day,
Over and over and over again,
Which is why the mind does sway!

Of very recent times, l do indeed find,
That like now as l write,
It is because of trapped thoughts in mind,
Needing to be released before the night,

Is done, over and a brand new day,
Awakens before l allow my mind to darken,
Like a burden of some religious cult flaying,
Seeking justice through mental marking!

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Many thoughts and ideas worm their way,
Into my mind all the time,
Each and every day,
Not always do l understand truly why,

But know that l must write like easing a pain,
That sits deep within my head,
And writing eases the troubles for me again,
Better off out that in, and the mind is bled!

Admittedly l am used to insomnia,
Having been awake most of my slumbering times,
Like it is sleep that l fear,
And being awake never tires,
My mind, like it does others,
Who seemingly can sleep relatively well,
Owners of minds that are simply not adverse,
Closing down of the mental nerve cells!

Perhaps musicians and lyrists suffer like this,
When notes and rhythms pound within,
Their minds all hours, knowing no peaceful bliss,
But live like me in troubled skin,
Unknowing why l am here sometimes at all,
And not happy until the ultimate piece,
Is present and clearly visible,
And wanting to be written down finally released,

Is that the secret perhaps, to total sleep?
That maybe, we can finally rest our minds,
When we have allowed the deep,
To surface and express itself and we unwind?
And that once it is open and suspended,
For all to see and witness what we meant,
When we started, that this was intended,
And only now has the mind relented?

But until that time, must l lie awake,
With a racing mind and deepest thought,
Pounding and bouncing and shaking,
My brain, making me mentally overwrought,
Not knowing an inner peace,
Till l have been not at all asleep again,
And the final beautiful piece,
Eventually comes alive under my pen?

Β© Rory Matier 2012

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31 thoughts on “Open Shut Eyes Wide

    1. Thanks IP, yeah a lot of the early poetry has not been seen. It is also to motivate me to write some more, but l am currently in ‘tale’ mode and need to be in the right place for rhyme πŸ™‚

  1. Excellent poem. I know that feeling so very well. I always read before going to sleep for that very reason, to try to stop my brain whirring. It goes over and over something I said, something I saw on T.V or something I have written. Often I have to get up, put on an old movie or comedy and watch it for about an hour before my brain starts to wind down.

    I relate to your poem very much.

    1. Hey Kristian, l think many people can. I struggle to sleep a lot have done for many years. Of recent times with the pain levels continually increasing, l can go to bed early and just have a totally restless night and get up the next day still as tired as before.

      My brain is constantly over adrenalising with ideas at silly o’clock, and l have to over stimulate myself to the point of extinction before it finally stops – glad it struck a chord of resonation with you though πŸ™‚

  2. Very nice. When I first saw the title though I was reminded of “Eyes Wide Shut” – a very odd film with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman…definitely not a family film at all. o.O

  3. This is exactly how I feel. Why the mind starts racing when it should be slowing down to slumber! A great poem. Describing insomnia!

    1. Yes ironically, insomnia is a nightmare – it can be induced for the most silliest and serious of reasons. i started suffering when l was around ten, that was put down to my stress at home. it never really left me and here l am 40+ years on suffering from various forms of it and night owlhood again πŸ™‚

        1. yes that’s exactly, these days or rather when l was DX’d [diagnosed] with asperger’s they said that l needed a lot of stimulation mentally, and my mind moves too fast πŸ™‚

            1. She is currently as well as can be expected. She has her good and bad days. But she is old, and is currently feeling the heat a bit. Thanks for asking, she also waved her paw in hello πŸ™‚

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