08th July 2019
Zombie Shut Down
Ok well did l enjoy my ‘Box Call’ with mummy? Should be the first thing l address?
Yes, no, maybe, perhaps and possibly but in reality …… l am really not sure!
It happened according to dad, last Sunday .. yes you read that right, it ‘happened according to dad’. The reason l paw it that way, is that’s not how l happen to remember it, but dad says that is it how it happened anyway. According to dad, mummy rang through the box from down under? Now l have a problem with that already actually. You see l was down under anyway, where all the squigglings things that are from dad’s kompootah live. I know that because l was laying down under the desk where dad has his kompootah and all the boxes, and mummy was not there, noooooowayyyyy! Otherwise l would have seen her and l said this to dad and he looked at me like l was some furry critter! He said of course mummy was down under, she was way down under the down under l was on top of!
Mm, well yes exactly, how is one supposed to battle that with logic? I mean it’s not like l can be any more under than l aready am when l am down under the desk. But he said that is where mummy was? Which then l have to ask, if mummy is down under my down under, why is dad not down under with me, but way above me on top?
Anyway, dad then said that mummy called him through his boxes on the kompootah from down under but it just came through the above top! I never heard anything, but suddenly dad was talking to himself again, and when l looked at him above top from my down under, he looked down under at me and said mummy from down under my down under was talking to him in the above top and would l like to have a word with her?
Well of course l wanted a word with mummy l said, l wanted to know why she and the orange box were not here with me and dad? Dad said ok will do and then he went back to what he was doing on the above top and it took ages, and ages and ages and l went to sleep. But dad woke me and said mummy wants to talk to you now, so are your listening ears on?
Well l had just woken up, and here l am asked if my listening ears are on, when my listening ears are already on? I just looked at him, like he had completely lost the plot! Shook my head as if to say what a nutter, when he went to his up on top above position again and when he looked back down under to me he had some furry animal in his hands that was either very good at not moving or ………. dead!!
“You’ll need to put this on to your head so your listening ears are on, then you can hear mummy. Without them you’ll not hear a Dickie bird.”
What? Dad wanted me to put the dead furry animal on my head, and now l discover that this furry thing is called a Dickie bird? So, l thought nope, not happening and promptly got up and walked away and lay down again in the doorway. So dad then did something to his boxes and came over to me with the Dickie bird in his hands and put the Dickie bird down beside me and asked me to smell it?
Well you know, l don’t mind some things and l happen to like smelling things, but this just looked odd and made worse by the fact that dad then put this dead Dickie bird on his head and said it is how he puts on his listening ears??! Then to make matters worse he said if l want l can call them cans?
Why would l want to call some dead furry Dickie bird cans?
It’s creepy what these 2 leggeds get up to, let me tell you! So in the end l didn’t actually speak to mummy, although when dad had his furry dead Dickie bird cans on his own head, and l was passing him on the way back to my down under, he put them beside my head and said, listen you can hear mummy!
Oh right, let me tell you about that tinsy bit of excitment shall l?
Can you understand what l paw next ………….~., “^ ……**”_-,;~!
Which to give you all a sample of what that sounds like here we go, ‘It was really strange and sounded like a little bird sliding somewhere probably downwards and scared “minininininininininininie” but really quiet and small, oh so very small!?
Well l looked at dad with open eyes and l knew, yes gang, l knew then that dad wasn’t right! How he derives any kind of conversation out of speaking to something like that is quite beyond me, and he thinks … poor dad … that he is speaking to mummy! He’s delusional! But l am NOT in the slightest bit surprised, because of the next part of my story to you all – Zombie Shut Down!
Dad tells me that a Zombie is some kind of 2 legged creature that walks the earth when it’s dead and eats other things, mostly other 2 leggeds but would also eat 4 leggeds!! Which when l first heard him tell me, l was like “Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!?”
I looked up this zombie thing on dad’s kompootah the other night when he had fiiiiiiinallly gone to bed and found this!
Well l have never seen anything like that, apart from the times that dad wakes up sometimes before he rushes off to make water in the small room in that funny round thing on the floor. But that aside l have never seen anything like that around these parts! It’s not like you could miss it either, because according to dad they make noises like “Graah, and Rah and Rowarrh and Ooohwererer! Which strangely enough!! Sounds like dad before he rushes off to make water!!
But anyway, dad first told me this strange tale the last time mummy was away. He told me when l asked him why he was closing all the curtains in the house when it was still light outside?? He said “Zombie Shut Down Scrappy, we don’t want them seeing us do we??”
Well l thought, they will not see me anyway, unless they are outside in the garden! I am not like dad who is taller than me. Does make me giggle a bit, it means that if they see dad first, they eat dad first! Phew!! Then l can run away and , errr – yes look for help!!
But this time that mummy is away the light outside is on longer than the last time when the light outside was on for shorter! So l had to tell him off, and say “Dad, we are not supposed to be in complete darkness when the light outside is on longer surely? I am going to have to stamp my paws down and say NO to the Zombie Shut Down when it is still so light outside. If we can see them when it’s light, we can take action on the 2 legged zombies when it happens!”
Well l won that fight, he looked at me and said “Okay, have it your way … if we get attacked by 2 legged zombies at least l have you to protect me eh?”
Again l barked out loud “Bol Bol!” Little does he know eh gang?”
Anyway, l have gotten used to the fact that mummy is away but she is back next week sometime, l think dad said on the 15th which is a week today, whatever that is, but for now, dad and me have to take my walk and then do some gardening, so l’ll paw you all later!
Thanks for reading folks, catch you all soon! So …
Till then, Tootlepip from Doodlepip!