Never one to mangle nor mince,
His lyrics was good ol’ Prince,
Listening to his album the other day,
Was the single ‘Gett Off’ that got my sway!
23 positions in a one night stand,
That line got into my head as a command!
Wife is always so keen on adventure,
Perhaps l should be seen as more of a jester?
Albeit her passions stick to the kitchen,
Tonight maybe we should look to christen,
New scope within the bedroom,
Adding some sparkle to the normal gloom!
It’s fine always doing the missionary,
But lacks excitement in my eyes you see,
So currently l am doing some researching,
To spice up our normal merging!
Reading up am l on the Karma Sutra and Tantric,
Sexual oblivion can be achieved even for the maverick,
Romance, love and sex are all very well,
Marital life routines can be sometimes hell,
So a little excitement is always a good start,
When looking to endear ones heart!
Have to be honest and say,
Some of these positions are quite the display!
The tortoise looks easy enough,
Sitting down as we must, hardly rough,
Paravartita looks like one hell of a turn,
And at my age, it might burn!
Playing the monkey, with Markata,
Is more than crushing spices with Marditaka,
Kshudgaga looks awkward and somewhat paining,
And l am to strike her like its raining?
Mm, this is not what l thought it was going to be!
Now enter the yoke of Yugmapada, getting hard to see!
Exactly what position l am supposed to hold,
Without looking like falling over and rolled!
Perhaps l should stick to some simpler moves,
Which don’t involve animal malarkey and hooves?
Am not against taking her from behind,
She likes it too, so no mind,
But as l address the literature here,
I see elephants, cats, asses and deer!
Must say this is a very strange sexual practice!
This way and that, making me quite anxious!
Was thinking it might be fun!
Never realised l had to growl like a lion!
Play it rough like a bloody bear!
Just to make my other half,
Not appear so damned sexually square!
Good grief above, this sex is so complicated,
Karma Sutra, Tantric, Tao all calculated,
To make ones sexual pleasures and desires,
Burn fiercely and ignite like a hundred fires!
Sod this, missionary and a bit of other is fine for us,
None of all this intricate silliness and way less fuss!
© Rory Matier 2012
Guy or Bloke, Your Choice