The Bitterness of Disability Insult.
Sometimes, it is the smallest things that can make the biggest impact on you and change and ruin your entire day in one foul swoop. Now my day isn’t ruined, but l am not exactly Mr Happy Bunny anymore either, well l am and l am not. I am once more delayed by events in my life – we have to accept these things – life sucks and that’s the way it is….apparently. Or is it?
I think there are some things in life we DO NOT have to accept lying down, and these things are when they concern disabilities and inequality which leans towards discrimination. That’s the bitter of my day so far, it should be the only bitter l have to deal with, well l hope.
Have l ever in my entire life been violent towards another person? No, never.
Have l ever in my entire life been violent to myself? Sadly yes l have and yet whilst l do not make a big song and dance about it, l also know that l am a survivor of my own violence towards myself, l am a survivor of violence from others – l am a survivor of physical, mental, personal and emotional abuse. I have scars on all parts of my body inside and outside where l have got back up again from violence meted to me by others or by me. But have l ever with intention been violent to another person?
Pre diagnosis of bipolar in 2004 and Asperger’s syndrome in 2008 made me a pretty unhappy person, it’s not been a total walk in the park since then, but l am by far a much happier person today than l ever was in my yesterdays.
When was my most violent time towards myself? Literally pre those two diagnosis’s and l suffered extreme stress up till around 2012. I don’t like it, but l walk hand in hand with depression which l do keep at bay with my own positivity – it’s hard some days at my own concession, but l refuse to slump back into a depression or anxiety or stress.
But of course, it’s all about control, and l can usually control them, but that doesn’t make me some kind of Mr Nothing Affects Me Personality, because l am still human!
I have been fighting a battle for about a year with my shoulder injury against the Benefits system here in the UK. For the injury l was signed off and in receipt of a basic unemployment benefit, which l completely signed off at the end of May 2019 when l received my inheritance.
But tribunals are still ongoing, even though l no longer receive the unemployment benefit l was receiving. The reason they are still going is because the Benefits people don’t talk to each other properly and they are not talking properly to the tribunal people, so the tribunal has no idea that l no longer receive this benefit and haven’t done for well over six weeks. Plus they are ONLY working on the information of my injury leading up to September of 2018 which is when l first appealed at a DWP decision that said l did not have an injury.
Before the injury, l was unemployed and looking for work, then the injury started and l had to sign into a different system and say that l had been medically signed off for a pinched nerve and upper shoulder problems. So then began the battle. Was l seeking more benefit? No, l was not. But like all administrative systems you have to prove that you were not capable of work. It doesn’t matter that you have been signed off by numerous medical professionals. It matters not if you received a diagnosis for the injury. You still have to prove you cannot work due to that injury.
I attended an assessment back in July of last year for my neck injury and my shoulder. I did not attend because l have Bipolar or Asperger’s as they are just me anyway and had no bearing on my neck and shoulder. So why they insisted on asking me about both my Asperger’s and Biploar and my Candida [stomach problems] was quite beyond me. I raised that concern with them, and they answered with “”We are just updating our records.”
So for almost a year l have battled with the DWP who basically said l could lift heavy objects with my right hand – which l couldn’t do and still can’t do, and for a year l have battled them and attended all their appointments, submitted the medical files required and done everything as they asked. I did not quibble it, l did not lie and give any false information to them. I submitted all my medical letters from the hospital.
So today l received a ‘copy’ of the governments response to my claim that was sent to the tribunal people with regards my shoulder and my neck injury. I also received a copy of the updated tribunal correspondence and they were in receipt of the benefit administration – still none the wiser that l have been signed off.
Now this is a lengthy battle, l have appealed against three of their previous decisions where thay have catagorically stated that l can lift heavy objects with my right hand and can reach above my head with the same hand when l have said l cannot do that – l have even at their assessment displayed l could not do that. No one for many months had written off to the hospital or the surgery for their account.
Except today in looking at all submitted documents to the tribunal l can now read the governments response and in it, they not only insult me and try to discredit me, but they have tried to make me out to be mentally unstable and principally a wack job. They have brought up my responses to their questions asking about my disorders as ‘aggressive!”
What?? What aggressions? I asked what bearing bipolar and Asperger’s had on my neck injury and that is exactly how l answered for them to basically come back with “”We are just updating our records.” So why if they are updating only, do the disorders get brought into this equation concerning a neck injury?
More so l note an addition from the Chief Doctor [not my doctor] from my surgery who says that in 1996 l was coded as aggressive anxiety neurosis as signs of abnormal behaviour’. Years later that misdiagnosis was confirmed as bipolar, and after that Asperger’s syndrome and that my ‘abnormal behaviour’ was my autism.
Why is a misdiagnosis from 1996 in a case file for a neck injury that has not been updated since September of last year?
I am not happy about this, the whole handling of this from day one has been shambolic. The reason l appealed against their first decision was that l couldn’t lift anything with my arm, my neck was in continued pain and l only now with exercises of my own am starting to rebuild my arm. I deliberately take less tablets and rely on positivity to rebuild the injury. I still have pain today as l now await an appointment from the Pain Management Clinic.
The Physiotherapy department never got hold of me and l have an appointment with the Pain Clinic in September who are supposedly going to redirect me to physiotherapy to commence rebuilding. Now the NHS are ONLY dealing with a neck and an arm injury, my two disorders have nothing what so ever to do with this and yet, l am l believe being discriminated against by my doctor’s surgery and the Department of Works and Pensions.
More over, l also believe l am being discriminated against over what they class as disabilities whilst l only class as disorders – so they are not focusing on my neck injury but attacking me on my disorders which as Asperger’s is classed by the NHS as a disability means they are with extreme prejudice discriminating against disability???
To say l am in a good mood is an overstatement, l am overwhelmed some what l don’t deny, because they are insulting me by attacking me on something that wasn’t a problem that was brought to their attention by me. I responded to their first ever request to see them with regards a neck injury. Here we are in July 2019 and l read they are attacking my Asperger’s syndrome and not the actual disability with my neck?
What the fuck is that all about? Is that the shape of this country now? When A doesn’t talk to B or C and basically doesn’t take into consideration the actual problems??