Dear Blog – 16.08 – 04/07/19

The Bitterness of Disability Insult.

Sometimes, it is the smallest things that can make the biggest impact on you and change and ruin your entire day in one foul swoop. Now my day isn’t ruined, but l am not exactly Mr Happy Bunny anymore either, well l am and l am not. I am once more delayed by events in my life – we have to accept these things – life sucks and that’s the way it is….apparently. Or is it?

I think there are some things in life we DO NOT have to accept lying down, and these things are when they concern disabilities and inequality which leans towards discrimination. That’s the bitter of my day so far, it should be the only bitter l have to deal with, well l hope.

Have l ever in my entire life been violent towards another person? No, never.

Have l ever in my entire life been violent to myself? Sadly yes l have and yet whilst l do not make a big song and dance about it, l also know that l am a survivor of my own violence towards myself, l am a survivor of violence from others – l am a survivor of physical, mental, personal and emotional abuse. I have scars on all parts of my body inside and outside where l have got back up again from violence meted to me by others or by me. But have l ever with intention been violent to another person?


Pre diagnosis of bipolar in 2004 and Asperger’s syndrome in 2008 made me a pretty unhappy person, it’s not been a total walk in the park since then, but l am by far a much happier person today than l ever was in my yesterdays.

When was my most violent time towards myself? Literally pre those two diagnosis’s and l suffered extreme stress up till around 2012. I don’t like it, but l walk hand in hand with depression which l do keep at bay with my own positivity – it’s hard some days at my own concession, but l refuse to slump back into a depression or anxiety or stress.

But of course, it’s all about control, and l can usually control them, but that doesn’t make me some kind of Mr Nothing Affects Me Personality, because l am still human!

I have been fighting a battle for about a year with my shoulder injury against the Benefits system here in the UK. For the injury l was signed off and in receipt of a basic unemployment benefit, which l completely signed off at the end of May 2019 when l received my inheritance.

But tribunals are still ongoing, even though l no longer receive the unemployment benefit l was receiving. The reason they are still going is because the Benefits people don’t talk to each other properly and they are not talking properly to the tribunal people, so the tribunal has no idea that l no longer receive this benefit and haven’t done for well over six weeks. Plus they are ONLY working on the information of my injury leading up to September of 2018 which is when l first appealed at a DWP decision that said l did not have an injury.

Before the injury, l was unemployed and looking for work, then the injury started and l had to sign into a different system and say that l had been medically signed off for a pinched nerve and upper shoulder problems.  So then began the battle. Was l seeking more benefit? No, l was not. But like all administrative systems you have to prove that you were not capable of work. It doesn’t matter that you have been signed off by numerous medical professionals. It matters not if you received a diagnosis for the injury. You still have to prove you cannot work due to that injury.

I attended an assessment back in July of last year for my neck injury and my shoulder. I did not attend because l have Bipolar or Asperger’s as they are just me anyway and had no bearing on my neck and shoulder. So why they insisted on asking me about both my Asperger’s and Biploar and my Candida [stomach problems] was quite beyond me. I raised that concern with them, and they answered with “”We are just updating our records.”

So for almost a year l have battled with  the DWP who basically said l could lift heavy objects with my right hand – which l couldn’t do and still can’t do, and for a year l have battled them and attended all their appointments, submitted the medical files required and done everything as they asked. I did not quibble it, l did not lie and give any false information to them. I submitted all my medical letters from the hospital.

So today l received a ‘copy’ of the governments response to my claim that was sent to the tribunal people with regards my shoulder and my neck injury. I also received a copy of the updated tribunal correspondence and they were in receipt of the benefit administration – still none the wiser that l have been signed off.

Now this is a lengthy battle, l have appealed against three of their previous decisions where thay have catagorically stated that l can lift heavy objects with my right hand and can reach above my head with the same hand when l have said l cannot do that – l have even  at their assessment displayed l could not do that. No one for many months had written off to the hospital or the surgery for their account.

Except today in looking at all submitted documents to the tribunal l can now read the governments response and in it, they not only insult me and try to discredit me, but they have tried to make me out to be mentally unstable and principally a wack job. They have brought up my responses to their questions asking about my disorders as ‘aggressive!”

What?? What aggressions? I asked what bearing bipolar and Asperger’s had on my neck injury and that is exactly how l answered for them to basically come back with “”We are just updating our records.” So why if they are updating only, do the disorders get brought into this equation concerning a neck injury?

More so l note an addition from the Chief Doctor [not my doctor] from my surgery who says that in 1996 l was coded as aggressive anxiety neurosis as signs of abnormal behaviour’. Years later that misdiagnosis was confirmed as bipolar, and after that Asperger’s syndrome and that my ‘abnormal behaviour’ was my autism.

Why is a misdiagnosis from 1996 in a case file for a neck injury that has not been updated since September of last year?

I am not happy about this, the whole handling of this from day one has been shambolic.  The reason l appealed against their first decision was that l couldn’t lift anything with my arm, my neck was in continued pain and l only now with exercises of my own am starting to rebuild my arm. I deliberately take less tablets and rely on positivity to rebuild the injury. I still have pain today as l now await an appointment from the Pain Management Clinic.

The Physiotherapy department never got hold of me and l have an appointment with the Pain Clinic in September who are supposedly going to redirect me to physiotherapy to commence rebuilding. Now the NHS are ONLY dealing with a neck and an arm injury, my two disorders have nothing what so ever to do with this and yet, l am l believe being discriminated against by my doctor’s surgery and the Department of Works and Pensions.

More over, l also believe l am being discriminated against over what they class as disabilities whilst l only class as disorders – so they are not focusing on my neck injury but attacking me on my disorders which as Asperger’s is classed by the NHS as a disability means they are with extreme prejudice discriminating against disability???

To say l am in a good mood is an overstatement, l am overwhelmed some what l don’t deny, because they are insulting me by attacking me on something that wasn’t a problem that was brought to their attention by me. I responded to their first ever request to see them with regards a neck injury. Here we are in July 2019 and l read they are attacking my Asperger’s syndrome and not the actual disability with my neck?

What the fuck is that all about? Is that the shape of this country now? When A doesn’t talk to B or C and basically doesn’t take into consideration the actual problems??

Dear Blog ……

45 thoughts on “Dear Blog – 16.08 – 04/07/19

    1. Well that’s probably quite true Sadje – the whole system is broken here and the biggest break is communication, no one department is talking to anyone anymore.

        1. It’s a nightmare at times, and as l have just written to JoAnn this is not going away as a problem. I think it’s official Britain is Broken.

              1. Well that’s the way the cookie crumbles, America is facing a lot of upheavals as well. It’s a global thing l think, the shape of our world.

  1. What an absolute nightmare! There’s nothing worse than dealing with nonsensical bureaucracy – you must feel as though you’re just going round and round in circles! Hope this gets sorted soon Rory but in the meantime, sending you a big virtual hug :O) x

    1. Hey Lisa thanks – what’s annoying is l had all this stress in the first place. You know we pay into our tax for years in this country which technically means we are entitled to the benefit, ok, they didn’t deny me that. But the moment there is a bigger problem on board then they all over you like a nasty case of impetigo and trying to do what? Humiliate me, as that is what it feels like. I don’t claim anymore. I didn’t want to sign on in the first place, l had to because we have bills and no job, we don’t live in a world of milk and honey.

      I was thrilled when l signed off

      Yet it still the case continues and in my documents the DWP sent me leaflets to attend the benefit office to look for work? I was thinking what?? I don’t need to do this – but this is the state of play in this country now – people are no longer really people, now we are literally just pieces of code.

      1. I’ve got a friend who has a brain tumor and she’s going through exactly this kind of shit storm – the whole system is broken imho! Don’t blame you at all for walking away from it and sorry that you have had so much stress because of it x

        1. Hey Lisa, that is the right term in the Uk at present everything has gone to the dogs which l have never understood that phrase, anyway it has – it’s a shit storm. They have been for so long concentrating on bloody brexit they have forgotten most other things on the agendas.

          Universal Credit rolled out in some of the poorest areas in the UK and increased poverty levels by an instant 25/30% and they are denying that, the NHS is broken, fat cats are getting fatter, the cost of living is going up, the government don’t care, wages stay low, and the list just goes on and on and bloody on.

          People with real health problems are battling these bastards because they are convinced if you have no arms and legs but you can sit, then you can work, so when you have that as your template …. well what more can be said?

          1. I agree, a lot of people who really need help seem to be slipping through the net! I’m glad I got out when I did to be honest x

            1. Well l know Suze and l are giving serious thought to staying in the UK – l have never felt at home here, but Suze has family here, but family in Oz, so who knows what the future holds.

  2. I went through very similar problems. It’s way beyond frustrating. There are no words to describe how it feels to be personally attacked by sheeple who don’t even have their facts straight. Yet these same bureaucratic sheeple get to make decisions about our lives. I learned that there wasn’t much I (or my attorney) could do against the monster that is the system. Vent the negative feelings and thoughts in healthy ways and try to hold on to your happies.

    Big hugs💌💌

    1. Hey Grandma, l know, in a Skype call with Suze when the envelopes had arrived in the post, she was saying we will get a solicitor and l am like that ‘s not going to work, going against the government never works, whether you are right or wrong, they have their comments known. This is still to go to tribunal which is the biggest joke! Worse than that both documents held 150 odd pages??? What poor tree had to cop that?

      1. It does help reduce the stress to have an attorney. Mine worked on percentage so I didn’t have any costs. They can’t always make things better but they can attend to the gathering of files reports etc and handle all the correspondence.
        Yes, the poor trees. My last hearing, where I was declared disabled, my file was in two boxes. Ridiculous!

          1. Yes, your situation is a bit different in that you’re done and all of this is a non-issue in the here and now. Hopefully they’ll realize it’s over and leave you alone.

            1. Hey Grandma, l hope but in the same breath, the more l read this document the more l am seeing disability discrimination – when you consider they are supposed to be assessing my neck, but suddenly my mental health and autism is under attack which are not relevant in one bit the more l see a real nasty battle coming up.

  3. I hope things get better for you. All the s**t a person has to deal with in life can drive a person insane. I’ve been having that problem myself the last few days 😕

    1. Hey JoAnn, all these systems really do is inhumanise society even more. I am not looking for preferrential treatment, but l am looking and in truth l expect the case officers to read my case file properly. I was not signed off for Asperger’s or bipolar but for a neck injury that the medical profession declared needed healing time and proper diagnosis. To identify, recognise, and repair.

      So why am l being persecuted for things that l have had diagnosed already and weren’t the reasons l was signed off? That isn’t an unfair request from me to the system any more than they are looking to declare themselves whether l am unfit ot fit for work. That’s fair – but this shit, well this isn’t fair because this isn’t dealing with the right problem, but making a problem for things that were not a problem to begin with – and that isn’t fair.

      1. Discrimination towards people with mental health disorders is a gigantic problem. At one point I decided to stop hiding my disorder because hiding it just made me feel worse, but that of course invited a lot of other problems. It can be frustrating. I had a bit of a meltdown early today actually. Feeling a bit better now. 🙂

        1. Glad you are feeling better now 🙂

          You are right, discrimination is a huge issue just here in the UK, but globally, it’s a major major problem that doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

          1. Sometimes it feels like the system is ran by narcissists and sociopaths. Having a heart doesn’t seem to help much in our society.

            1. Well l think you may be right JoAnn – perhaps it’s even a quality the civil service looks for? Wish l could laugh at that, but l am leaning more on the fact that might be true.

              1. I wish I could laugh at it too. Maybe tomorrow since today seems to be reserved exclusively for melting down 🙀

  4. I don’t think these systems are ever going to be changed, they’re too large and rely on computers instead of real people looking you in the eye and listening.

    1. hey Cheryl, you’re right they won’t be until they remember that we are all people. How some jackass can sit at their desk and decide the fate on another without actually talking to them or even speaking to them directly is quite beyond me.

      The more l go through this beefy document the more errors l see at one point they have said ‘l said’ My Asperger’s would go away????????????? What??! At that point l had to get some fresh air, damn doesn’t even cover this mess.

  5. Sounds like stigmatizing to me. I mean, really, wth does Asperger’s have to do with a neck injury. You have a lot of patience, Rory.

    1. I used to have the patience of a team of Oxen Barb, slowly however over the years, l am not sure l have the patience anymore of just one beast let alone a team.

      They’re are doing my nut in now, and now my anger has risen. I had to read through 100 pages of their dossier to the tribunal people who have not even passed a judgement yet. There is way too many faults with this, and sure l could let this go, why should l worry now. I am not taking anything from them …. and yet they have now crossed the one border which is my main grievment – anyone can say anything they want, but the moment they start insulting me when they don’t use facts, is when they have crossed the line – they have now crossed that line with me.

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