The 1% Blooper!

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Post Revisited, Reedited, Reworded, Reblogged From Apr 11th 2018

These posts are my views on my autism/Asperger’s, they may not be everyone else’s who is on the spectrum.

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The 1% Blooper!

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Suze and l have been in a relationship for officially six years on the 22nd june, literally now just a few days away. We knew each other prior to our first ‘date’. So we have been friends for longer than lovers if you wish.

For the majority of that time together we have faced, challenges, obstacles and hurdles and we have overcome all of them. On a scale of 1-10 in reference to happiness, l would say that mostly it has resided in the 9 bracket, but obviously at times of great confusion it sits in the 6 -7. This is still great for a relationship though!

In the world of the ‘label’, Suze is in the eyes of many ‘non-Aspie’ or what many more simple class as ‘neuro’, whilst l am as l am sure you know, very much all Aspie [Asperger’s syndrome]. I joke about it and created the term ‘NeuroAspie’ which describes us. This combination works fine for the majority of time, however there are on occasions …. blimps, or bloopers, blips or even glitches. We don’t always see or think the same way which is understandable, and let’s be brutally honest our ‘NeuroAspie’ is not specifically unique or different to that of a full Neuro/Neuro or Aspie/Aspie relationship – Every relationship on the planet can at one point or another experience the Curveball Glitch!

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But normally we are pretty harmonious and can communicate and interact extremely well despite a difference occasionally in the way we see or interpret things.

I was born an Aspie, but was only recognised at 43 and privately diagnosed when l hit late 44. I am  now 56, so officially an Aspie for 12 years this year. It was a blessing as much as it was an opened can of worms for l was suddenly astutely aware that my ‘differences’ to mainstream society was not because l was ‘ill’ as the medical professionals deigned me to be for more years than l care to remember, but more significantly because l had this strange social ‘thang’ going on – with the correct diagnosis correctly labelled this meant that my occasional and sometimes frequently quirky and inappropriate behaviour had a reason for being present!

So, there we have it ‘l am an Aspie and proud!” I have no shame or guilt at saying this, and in truth why the fuck should l? Because all of us, irrelevant to who we are, whatever label we may or may not hold, can only be ourselves, we are after all ‘All Different’ anyway!

Suze is not on the spectrum in the same way as l am, although indirectly, she certainly shows some very clear indications that she might lean that way, although this might be the result of having me as her partner for six years! However despite much controversy – science does verify that many people ‘are’ on the spectrum anyway, it just comes down to %’s and balance! However for the sake of the ‘Harmony’ design and this post, her thinking of A – B is as typical to her as is my own B – A thought patterning!

Which means that whilst as two planets can evolve around each other harmoniously, there does come a time when on occasion, these two planets can ‘Bump into each other!’ Not so harmonious then! The design was based upon that theory, those two planets – in our case ‘Aspergers’ & Neurotypical can live happily together in one universe for 99% of their 100% existence!

It’s that 1% bump that can feel like an almighty 99% tsunami and meteor shower all rolled up into one major disaster

My partner tells me that ‘Living with an Aspie’ is a real challenge and that l must feel the same? I have to remind myself to not be typically literal with that, and that she means living with her and not living with me, but living with me from my point of view is also hard work, so l can see where she is coming from with her statement!

Well of sorts, but if l listen to her, then l guess she must have a harder time of it than l do. I mean of course there are things that she does that completely baffle me, but that’s perfectly natural, in fact it is almost a ‘given’ in any relationship, that there will always be times when two partners are confused by the other!

Admittedly, ‘Neurotypically speaking as an Aspie’, l am not often that worried , we agreed to be ourselves and not wear masks, so l don’t wear masks with her , l am just me – ok, l know at my own concession that l am at times ‘different to normal appropriate behavioural patterns!’ I make noises, and stim, and swing, and say strange things and act crazily – l do, l like being me, l lived for too long not being me, but being a version of expected and acceptable society me. But l burned out frequently as it is really hard being someone else!

In the main however, we are great as a couple and nearly five years down the line we have only bumped a couple of times in the universe we live in, but sadly those bumps have been enormous, and l am none too sure if we could survive a third or fourth major collision. If we parted we wouldn’t part as enemies we would part as friends, or as a sort of distance relationship couple. We could probably survive much more efficiently if we had our own places instead of always being under the same roof, because we equally need time out from each other at times.

We also love each other and that is a really good thing – they say that love makes the world go around – maybe that is the case – or maybe we are all just planets spinning harmoniously in the same universe till the 1% …………………

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5 thoughts on “The 1% Blooper!

  1. Great post.
    I think in all relationships you have upset and downs, the key to staying together is to be committed to the relationship and to work hard on making it work. Hopefully you will both find a way through these blips x

    1. Hey Karen – life isn’t meant to be perfect – it requires as you say commitment as do our relationships 🙂

      Thanks for commenting – stay happy 🙂

  2. My ex-husband and my son both have Asperger’s. Not that big of deal, except very difficult to be married to. They seemed to take emotional independece to a whole new level! I love my son, though.

    1. I can relate. I was married for 16 years. My ex-wife and l never knew of my Asperger’s – she initially thought me ‘cute’ with my quirky ways, however that lovable naivety soon evaporates as l feel sure you know all too well.

      I am not berating myself here, just being honest. When my ex- and l divorced l would still not be any the wiser of the spectrum until a couple of years later.

      Would an earlier DX have saved our marriage? No, we were never meant to be, it was that simple. However what it did outline to me was just how hard it must have been for her at times.

      My Father is on the spectrum, he just categorically denies it. But my Mother is not, and that woman was a saint with the crap she had to put up with him over thirty years before they too divorced. To boot he is /was/still is terribly vain and narcisstic which made both being married to him hard from her view, and hard growing up with him from mine.

      I can relate to how you must have felt having remembered my Mother and my ex [although the latter was not always a saint]. I vowed with my current partner that before we lived together she had to know me. We dated for two years before we took the plunge in 2015 to start living together and despite knowing me, she still finds me a challenge.

      Thanks for commenting here today 🙂

  3. Love overcomes a lot of hardships. Stay happy and stay together. I would say you’re good for each other.

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