In Search Of?


In Search of?

It is not that l don’t try to understand you,
Seriously l am not lying its true,
But there are just so many things l don’t fully get,
Filling me with some confusion and regret,

You see, it’s hard for me to regulate,
Emotions and l cannot demonstrate,
Properly how it is l truly feel,
Either nothing, not enough or with too much zeal!

I am happy, yet not and always in search,
Of the answers l seek to find solace in the purge,
Can be bored and not bored in the same breath,
And not lonely, but so lonely, no doubt with me till death,

Content l can be on my own,
Yet miserable too because at times l am alone,
Hard to explain this to you, you see,
It’s just not easy being comfortable as me,

Don’t like to grumble and complain aloud,
Being Aspergic and apparently l am endowed,
Higher intelligence and all things logical,
Gifted to me from birth, quite comical!

Yet l can laugh, and not enjoy the fullest of mirth,
Because of this supposedly blessed dearth,
Disorderly and yet functioning is strange,
For there is no denying the mental strain,

It places upon ones logical frame,
Configuring the pathway and not passing blame,
For technically there is none to award,
Upon accidental genetical fraud,

Sadly just one of those things,
I am just the resulting offspring,
But you asked how you could help me,
And l am trying to answer you see,

Friendship is something l desperately seek,
Yet know not how to keep,
If they are not there, within my sight,
Just don’t worry do l, it’s alright,

For l simply move on, as if they never were,
Which is probably not the best answer,
But truth is all that is being told,
Which is why it’s hard for me to hold,

Control upon the social intentions of some,
Too much hard work, and very little fun,
Many see me as selfish, or within my own stance,
Because they don’t get to know me, and trust one glance,

It’s not just me, that is in the wrong,
Just l don’t sit easily within the throng,
Never quite sure how it is l should react,
And not one of my talents is the ability to socially interact!

Perhaps it is easier for me to simply say,
Offer me patience and understanding anyway,
I am not that bad and that‘s a fact,
Misinterpretation suggests l lack tact,
Just be you, and try not to become frustrated,
When l am good, your efforts are never wasted

© Rory Matier 2010




13 thoughts on “In Search Of?

  1. I’ve never had such an inside look into what it’s like to live with Aspergers before: this poem explains how you feel in a way that even I can understand (and there’s much I don’t understand). It is odd, though, isn’t it: how the supposed intelligence boost that accompanies Aspergers is often celebrated, whereas the difficulties of living with the condition are sometimes downplayed?

    1. Afternoon Josh, strangely enough, you are tagged in a post l have just finished writing, which is coming out in a moment about a topic we were discussing recently.

  2. One of the best students I taught in 18 years had the same issues. He wrote the best essays, but he stood around alone under the same tree between classes. When I changed an assignment, he had a problem so, so I tried to not make changes. I so enjoyed him in class, and I wondered what kind of job he would eventually have because he could not interact with others.

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