Post Revisited, Reedited, Reworded, Reblogged From Aug 13th 2018
A Life Without Moderation
I am not sleeping very well, as you will have read in previous posts, and that itself is not entirely true … l am sleeping like the dead when l do finally go to bed, but l am not getting a lot of quality slumber, I went o bed at 4.34am this morning, l was again out of bed at 7.00am, and l probably will not go to bed again until 4.30 tomorrow morning. So l will be awake for roughly 21-2 hours. Suze says this cannot continue and l agree, but what do l do about it l ask? I have gone to bed earlier only to be awake in bed three hours later? At least this way, yes it is very late, but l am going to bed tired and falling into a fitful sleep for 2 hours and that’s the best l can come to accept.
Writing is slower for me these days, l have to take constant breaks for up to 5 – 10 minutes a time and that means that articles l was writing this time last year which might take me a few hours to knock up, can sometimes take me double that. Which is why sometimes l say l am going to write ‘this’ today or ‘that’ and then it is delayed for a couple of days because my shoulder is just basically causing me too much pain.
I am grateful with posts like this that were written last year, but are just being updated, because it then allows me to be able to concentrate on new content as well as still feed my addiction to wriring. I have created series that are based on shorter content such as the newly called Theme Times which was The Greats of our Time and Theme of the Week, because there is very little writing there. It is cut and shunt from Wikipedia and copy and paste from YouTube. My input is quite minimal. But these shorter content posts allow me to concentrate upon writing one or two main articles every couple of days.
There is a lot planned in the next few weeks with new series looking to be launhed and of course the blog is undergoing a huge change as well. I am constantly and continually tired of late, as even l know that 2-3 hours sleep a day at my age isn’t great. I used to read other blogs in the evening, but then l would fall asleep at the desk, so l changed that to reflect reading one blog every hour from the time l am online to the time l am off-line.
Recently Suze said to me that the probable reason behind my injury is adventurous and reckless living combined with clumsiness but also because l have lived a life without moderation, and that it is all now catching up with me. I don’t actually deny this statement os suze’s as l think there is quite possibly some merit to it. you can’t burn the candle at both ends and not expect to get burnt at some point. however …
… I responded with “Moderation is for cowards!”
I have never done things by half, as l have never seen the point in having a kind of lack lustre approach to anything, it is either all out or not at all, and that has been the story of my life. That credo has applied to everything l have done since l was a youngster to where l currently sit typing to you today.
As a child if l was going to do something, then l would do it, no half measures, no ‘taking baby steps’ always full speed and running, or as many judgemental people like to squeal, ‘running before you can walk’, well if that is how they think then so be it. If that is part of me, my personality, my identity and my psyche then it is my very soul, mind and spirit to be the only person l can be true to being.
As a teenager l used to love biscuits, but l couldn’t moderate on just having one, a packet of 16 could disappear in one sitting of thirty minutes or so. I couldn’t just have one sweet or candy, l would eat the whole lot, a whole bag would just be gone. I wasn’t a chubby kid, l was actually a sparrow legged gannet with a huge appetite, that had a lot of energy to expell both mentally and physically. I didn’t have time in my life to not do anything, and whilst l may not have been the average sportsman, as in cricket and football, l was busy with other things like archery, canoeing, hurdling, running, jumping and hockey.
Some people never achieve reading one book a year, when l was in my very early teens from around perhaps twelve to eighteen l was reading 40 books a month, l was constantly absorbing information. From my twenty’s to my mid fifty’s l now read on average 40 books a year minimum. No one gives you a hard time at your reading habits, although to some that might be considered excessive.
I was an avid wargamer of the Napoleonic era when l was in my mid teens having been fascinated with military history since l was a youngster, and l had nearly 8000 1:32nd scale figurines ; infantry, cavalry and cannon which was a vast army that l had collected and lovingly worked on strategies of old battles. To many it was simply a lot of plastic soldiers, but to me and other collectors like me, it was an absolutely rewarding hobby. It consumed your time, it meant that you collected and collated facts and figures and as other Aspie’s will tell you, we have a penchant for information. why have a couple of hundred when you can have 8000? Why have a skirmish that might last a couple of hours when you can have a battle that would last for days if not weeks?
I had a lot of hobbies and l was passionately involved on a very deep level with them all. I never did anything ‘by half’. It was always all or nothing.
I developed a very astute business mind when l was around 13 there abouts, once again facts and figures. I started my first business when l was 13 which was ironing and my business called ‘JusPrest’, because l loved ironing. It made sense. I loved writing and l was a horror buff, so it made perfectly good sense to write and get paid for it, and so l started writing for pulp magazines when l was around 16.
No one says ‘Oh no, you mustn’t do that!” All they do say is that ‘You’re are strange or quirky.” With work, l found an absolute soulmate, it didn’t matter l loved working, so giving it my all meant nothing to me, sure why not l thought, l love this thing called work. I have had many careers, sometimes they overlapped, and l can say l have had an extraordinary life, l have a lot of experience with a lot of things because l always wanted to broaden my knowledge base. I always wanted to learn. No one critcises you for lack of moderation there … well maybe some employers do, as they take the piss out of robots like me.
I have had a few like that and one extremely detrimental to my health and wellbeing [caravan days]. I don’t understand moderation, l am not sure if that is a flaw or if it is the Aspergian need for being busy and keeping occupied. I don’t do boredom, l don’t often get bored. But if l am going to do something, and l enjoy it, then l want to do well at it – because as l have already written IF NOT then what is the point of actually doing it in the first place?
I was a late entry excuse the pun to sex, l was 22 when l lost it, and that in itself is a strange thing to say, l didn’t think l had lost anything, in truth more a case of finding it, and most notably finding myself! My first attempts were pretty dismal, at my own concession – but it’s not like anyone is born an expert ot sexpert! Like everything else, you learn with practice, the more you do something the more experience you get. The more experience you get the more you can specialise and experiment because your confidence builds.
However with sex, l treated it also like a hobby, l didn’t just love it, l really loved it! In the 80’s there were lots of partners willing to love it too – so l was never short of practice and built up quite the experience base. I was extremely promiscuous, and by the time l hit my thirties l had had more lovers and one night stands than most people. It didn’t number in the tens, it was a lot higher. But also, l worked in the adult industry, l was an escort for a while and l worked in erotic literature, l was surrounded by sex and l loved it.
Someone once said that l had a sexual addiction, well maybe l did, l don’t know, but it didn’t bother me, because at the time they said it l was earning a side income from writing erotica, so l simply said it was my job! They shut up, but just gave me a sideward glance and shrugged.
I got married in my early thirties, and my so called addictive behaviour stopped, l thought with addiction that the desire kept going, but l settled into the humdrumness of marriage and routine and just accepted that, therefore only verifying that it wasn’t an addiction it was 1] a hobby and 2] a money earner, so not addictive in the slightest, perhaps excessive, perhaps without moderation, but not addiction.
When l started my livestock business, l wanted to succeed so l did everything with the same energy as everything before me, and no one accuses you then of being without moderation – ask any business owner and ask what their early years were like in the start up and they would say that you have to put your heart and soul into it, your very life essence. Otherwise you will not succeed. You need to live a life without moderation in order to make that idea work and not just sit in the trough for evermore. So that at some point you might say to yourself, “What if I…”
Well l don’t have to ask myself that question, because l know the answer – …” try this to see if l like it and it works for me?” Most times it does, usually 90/100% there has to be a risk to life if you want to live it. With the animals, l pushed myself to my limits, sure l had accidents, for the record l am pretty bloody clumsy! But by the stars, l had a great time!
Truth is, l have enjoyed all of my life, ‘without moderation’, and even now with Blogging, it is a new hobby but actually writing isn’t, l have been doing that and telling stories from as young as l can remember, okay yes l am in pain, it actually hurts to write for long periods of time which is why l don’t write as many long tales as l used to, but l don’t work my blog in a lack lustre manner either, l try and have variety, because l like variety, l work my blog like l love my life to be filled with all sorts of things. I don’t do boring, l am the first to concede that l am not the best writer out there, there are many superb writers, but l don’t care – am l applying moderate behaviour here? No of course not, as l say ‘moderation is for cowards!”
I don’t know how else to live my life, l cannot suddenly change my spots into stripes and be different. It took me a long time after my diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome to allow that full access into my life. It gave me the answers as to why l am who l am, and why l am the way l am, l am proud of who l am, and as far as l am concerned, if not for the very way of me, l would not have achieved all the exciting things l have achieved if l had thought ‘Ooh l wonder if l should do that?” I might not have actually have done them.
These days, sure l am a bit more reticient especially physically, because l am not as healthy as l once was, l don’t have the energy levels of the ever ready rabbit anymore, maybe my life without moderation is guilty of that, who knows, but more importantly, seriously who cares?
At least l can say hand upon heart and mean it … I have done shit, l have done something with my life!
However, how about you? Do you live a life with or wihout moderation? Do you live life to the extreme or take it easier?