24th May 2019
2 Legged Humandees!
Dad doesn’t have to remind me to do an episode l keep telling him, and so he stopped, and then l forgot, that is why this one is a few days past the two week mark – but don’t tell him ok? In case he gets all ‘oh lardy tardy’ on me.
I guess in truth, l don’t have a lot to tell you all since the last time l pawed a diary episode. It’s not that things haven’t been happening, they have, but they haven’t been happening like they were this time last year for instance.
Things are slower these days, l don’t tend to walk as much as l used to. My arfrytus as dad and Mummy calls it, makes me a little stiff and achy most days, plus l don’t like to walk long distances any more – well l do and l don’t, if you see what l mean? Perhaps you don’t … my head says “Scrappy you need to go for a five mile jaunt!” But my body, then says “Whoah hang on girl, you do know we is an old lady dog now yes??”
So with those two statements running around inside my head, l have to go for the best consideration, you know? Which all also depends upon a lot of other factors;
Who is walking me?
What time is it?
Is it warm outside?
Is it cold outside?
It’s not wet outside is it?
Am l hungry?
Do l actually want to walk now, or sleep more?
Monday to Friday dad walks me in the morning, mummy walks me in the evening and over the weekend mummy walks me. During the week, dad is usually up after mummy has gone to work, but l might still be in bed asleep. Sometimes dad has shaved and showered, had breakfast, taken tablets, sitting with a coffe and by 10.30am, l am still in bed asleep … so this is very different from last year when whatever the time of day l was always ready to walk.
These days, l am taking more of a back seat role, l do more editing of my interviews and sleeping. Not much happens that is really exciting. With dad’s shoulder the way it is, l have to walk slower with him than l do mummy. plus l am getting older, and as both mummy and dad tell me, l am an old bird now, l can afford to chillax more, so l do.
Now although not a lot happens, this is not saying that things don’t happen, they still do…. like my chat with Mr Pesky Pigeon, that happened yesterday. You see recently, dad and l have been talking about collaborating on an idea for a bit of K9 fiction in the role of strange interviews. You may have seen our ‘coming soob’ posts advertising “The Unlikliest of Interviews, And Yet!” which is going to be a fun series involving make believe interviews with animals that dad used to work with.
So dad said l needed to think on potential questions for my interview series, when a most extraordinary thing happened…
As you can see by my clicketty l was lying outdoors giving this new series some thought when low and behold, but Mr Pesky Pigeon landed in the bird bath and started splashing around.
Now normally l would shout at him and say “Get off my land!!” but l thought l would handle it all very differently this time and instead of me running off after him, l simply greeted him well! Well Pesky just looked at me and said,
“Are you feeling alright Madam scrappy? Don’t you normally yell at me by now?”
“Yes Mr pesky l do, but l wondered if you might help me out this time? I have to work on a special project and l need some non 2 legged help?”
“Mm, not being funny Madam Scrappy, but l also have two legs.” Pesky answered.
“Oh yes, so you do, well l mean not upright 2 leggeds like my mummy and dad, that type of 2 leggeds.”
“Ah, you mean humandees!”
“Humandees, is that what you call my 2 leggeds then?” I asked .
“Yes, we all do, all we flighty ones call them humandees” Pesky answered “So what do you need help with then?” Pesky asked of me whilst bobbing up and down in the water and shaking his tail feathers at me.
“Shall l just ask away then My Pesky?” I asked.
“Shall we just skip all the formalities Madam Scrappy, from this point on just call me Pesky, l don’t actually have a proper name, but your gifted name l happen to like so l shall adopt that, can l just call you Scrappy?”
“Yes, let’s do that then Pesky.” I answered smiling, quite comfortable with this flighty one.
“Right, so you want to ask me questions then, like an interview is it? I know that word because l see many a time humandees making noise on the other humandees walls and asking them questions.”
“Okay, l will Pesky, here we go …”
“Mm, well l am a pigeon, so with you calling me Pesky, that makes me Pesky Pigeon”
“What do you call the 2 leggeds?”
“Humandees, l don’t know why, my own parents told me that is what they called them and the gulls call them that as well, in fact most of the garden flightys call them the same, so yes … Humandees.”
“What species are you?”
“I am apparently a wood pigeon and we are quite common, so l guess that might make me a common wood pigeon.”
“What colours are you?”
“Think it’s quite safe to say different shades of grey, as to how many l don’t know, maybe 50? I have heard that somewhere else, but it might be appropriate with me, so yes, l think 50 shades of grey.”
“That’s quite strange Pesky, l seem to recall mummy reading something of the same name, l never realised she was reading up about common wood pigeons?” I said.
“Yes, that is indeed quite strange Scrappy. Strange folks these 2 legged humandees!”
“How old are you?”
“Mm, well l think l am about 3 years old since egg.”
“Egg? I asked Pesky. “What do you mean egg?”
“Well l was born from an egg Scrappy.”
“What like a chicken egg?” I asked, “I interviewed some chickens the other day and they laid eggs. Do chickens lay pigeon eggs then?”
“Mm, no pigeons lay pigeon eggs, l came from a pigeon egg, what’s a chicken?”
“Long story, maybe next time l’ll explain Pesky” I answered watching Pesky waddle around in the bird bath.
Do you live inside or outside and more importantly – do you run your household
or share in the decisions?
“Really Scrappy is that an actual question to me? You might want to word that differently if this thing of yours is going to become a thing you know? However l will answer as best as l can.”
“I live outside all the time, my other half … yeah don’t look at me like that Scrappy, l happen to have a female. Anyway she and l feed together. I am currently on break time and am having a bath, l so so enjoy a nice bath, it’s lovely!”
“Excuse me a moment Scrappy, whilst l just shake the water off.” Pesky said as he started to flap about and make lots of noise with his flappy things. Droplets of water flew everywhere, on my nose on my head, everywhere!”
“Right, sorry Scrappy, ready again.” Pesky said, now having shaken all surplus bath water off himself. “Where were we?”
“Mm, well Pesky , l need to rearrange some of these questions because they are so not relevant to you.”
“Well try me anyway and let’s see what we can do.” Pesky said quite chipper.
“Ok, Have you always lived with your 2 – leggeds [as in from young]? Do you deliberately play up at times, just to annoy or worry the 2 leggeds? Do you have a bed or a favourite sleeping place? Mm, are …”
“Not too many Scrappy, let’s have a look at what we have got so far. I don’t live with 2 legged humandees directly, but l live amongst them. I am quite happy for their presence in truth. I mean, what do you call the man one? Dad is it? Well your dad fills up the bird feeders and the bird bath, and it’s not just me that appreciates than, but Lady pesky enjoys that as do the Maggies, Rob, the Sparrahs, the Tit lot, the wrens who feed with me and the lady a fair bit when we are on the ground feeding, plus everyone loves the bath too. Now do we play up? Not really, no. Do l, we have a favourite sleeping place? Yes, l like to sleep close to my nest with the other half, who is on the nest. next?”
“Mm, l am going to leave some of these questions out Pesky, because they simply don’t apply to you, so let me see…” I started looking the questions in the pad.”Mm, Are you photogenic or make them run after you to capture you on film? What would be a really great day for you? Do you do lots of adventuring when out and about?”
“Mm, well Scrappy, let me see…. photogenic, is that the funny black box that your dad is pointing at us now and there is a clicking sound? If so, l very rarely allow your dad to click me, but on the few occasions he has managed to do so, and l don’t mind. Do l do lots of adventuring out and about? Sometimes my lady and l go out for the day, not so much when we have eggs though, because we have to watch out for the Crossies, those big nasty looking flighty’s that sometimes steal baby eggs! But we like it here, so we come in here and next door and if we are going out for the day we usually go up to the fields or across the road a bit. we do like to hang out with Bertie Blackbird and his missus a bit. He is quite the musical one, have you heard his lovely song? nice chap, although a bit repetitive at times.”
“Yes, l know Bertie, he is in the garden a lot, dad likes him and talks to him quite often. Dad likes a lot of you flighty’s and is always watching out for you.
“True the flighty’s like him to, they don’t feel threatened by him, he had bird feeders, provides us with water. As to a great day, mm well a bath in the morning like now, some nice warm sun, maybe a slight breeze, some nice air pockets, plenty of places to rummage around in, a nice little nap on the grass here. your dad caught me doing that the other day, think l surprised him because he started speaking to me. He doesn’t talk pigeon your dad, but he was really pleased to see me, you may remember that day also young lady, l was napping and then you came out and chased me off!”
“Oh erm yes, sorry about that Pesky, it will not happen anymore, promise, anyway moving swiftly along to the next question …
“Are you fed a nutritional and well-rounded balanced diet? Finally, in your own words tell us something about both you and your in 2 leggeds that the questions haven’t touched on or asked about – something unique …”
“These are good questions Scrappy, let me think. Well balanced diet? Not really, but sometimes yes. you see, your dad puts out this seed and me and the missus love this because we like our grains and seeds, but the lady 2 legged that’s your mummy yes?”
“Yes, why, what’s mummy got to do with this?” I asked slightly concerned.
“Well your mummy doesn’t like us that much because when she starts planting out her vegetables, well the young shoots are really yummy, we like a lot of her vegetables. we don’t get a lot of moisture in our diets which is why we are always thankful that the bird bath is here. You see Bertie and many of the others get moisture from the worms they eat, but not us pigeons, we are a pretty dry lot. Mm, so the last question, something unique ….
“Okay, as your dad found out a couple of years ago, we woodies don’t make very good nests, l heard a tale about he rescued a squab from a pair of my friends and he named it Georgie and he and your mummy saved the squabs life, you must thank him for us, as my friends have moved on from our nesting place to a few roads across. Way too many bad memories, first time mother an all. despite our ungainly size Scrappy, we woodies are pretty agile, so as much as we can feed on the ground we can land on the smallest of twigs in a tree and eat there too. Last but not least, whilst we are known commonly as wood pigeons, we are also called cushats, cushy-do’s, quist and ringdows. How is that for unique?”
“Wow Pesky that’s great, you are my first ‘Unlikeliest Interviews Interview’ so thank you so much, you have given me a lot to think about and made me think of new questions!”
“My absolute pleasure Scrappy, right best be off, the missus wants me to take me turn looking after the eggs, see you around and thanks for the great chat!”
With that Pesky took off and flew into the trees. So yeah, l don’t walk as much as l used to, but now l am starting to interview more of the garden folk. Pesky said he would try and set me up with Prickles soon!
Thanks for reading folks, catch you all soon! So …
Till then, Tootlepip from Doodlepip!