Post Revisited, Reedited, Reworded, Reblogged From May 02nd 2018
Why is it that there are always people who seem to wish to know more about a person? By this l don’t mean like how l ask questions of you, l mean in so far as people not wishing to respect your own personal outlook on life and being social.
Some people are very open about themselves and others are very private. Take me as an example, l always say to people – “If you know how to read, then l am an open book.” I am a very open person, if someone wishes to know something about me and it’s not too personal and it’s relevant to a conversation, l will tell them l don’t have anything to hide. My partner is not so public with her inner thoughts and to all degrees is a very private person.
Now each person is entitled to their own privacy, it’s their perrogative. They can be as open or as closed as they so wish as well as in what they wish to share or not disclose to others. Yet we still have the ‘nosey parker’ don’t we? Those who want to know more, those who cannot help themselves in their quest of more than they should have or need in the way of details of another
I have always struggled with that kind of person, but that is not atypically an Aspergian trait or something that is only felt by those on the spectrum of autism, no … that is the same for many people.
It’s not just the nosey parkers of our world that irk me, but the overly social as well, those who are always in your face, expecting to say hello – well not everyone wants to always say hello – l say hello to who l want and when l want, it travels with my need for selective sociality.
I have walked away from these overly social socialites, who seem to think that everybody is as social as they are, not realising that people have privacy for a reason. That not everyone wishes to be so openly social or overly friendly or remarkably communicable with the rest of the world.
I see it every where l go, that society loves nothing more than performing unnecessary ‘peekaboo’s’ on people. An invasion of their privacy, a constant meddlesome approach to another’s inner workings. An almost forceful approach to how society thinks we all should behave.
A classic example of ‘presumptuous peekaboo’ing’ are online advertising pop ups, are they not the most infuriating things known to society today? You go to YouTube for instance, within a few minutes an interfering pop up advert flashes on your screen to say hello and have you seen the latest ‘whatevers?’. My instant response is not friendly, it does begin with an F and ends with an F with a gap in the middle!
I have sent people packing away from my friendship because of their over zealousness to be ‘friendly‘ and ‘social‘ and their cries of ‘I just wanted to be your friend’, are lost on me, because sometimes they are nothing more than too inquisitive and too prying. which brings us back to nosey parkers and peekaboosers or that other term ‘busy body’s!’ [Plus it’s bloody creepy!]
I don’t understand why so many people seemingly believe that everybody always wants to say hello, be friends, communicable or be social?
We see it on social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter, where there seems to be this incessant need to feel wanted and or needed by people. A wish to be liked, to be found friendly, to be the life and soul of the party. We see the vanity and narcisstic approach by people who ‘just want to be buddies or your buddy or worse to be a buddy because you’re buddies with one of their buddies but not with them’ like their very lives depended upon it, as if friendship and being too social was the very air they breathe in order to survive.
The following is a conversation l actually had in Facebook a couple of years ago. i had a friendship request from someone l didn’t know and l rejected it. A couple of hours later l had an inbox chat message from this person. [Names changed]
“Hi, l am a friend of Tims.”
“Ok, well that’s nice for you.”
“Yeah, he ‘s a great bloke, we have known each other for maybe a year now, how long have you known him?”
“What do you want? Or worse what are you selling??”
“Just chatting, you know? Being social, l am not selling anything.”
“Well because you are a friend of Tims.”
“So how does that concern you?”
“Well l figured, you might like to be friends with me?”
“Why on earth would l want to do that??”
“Because you are a friend of Tims and l am as well that’s why, it’s called being social you know?”
“Yeah, fully aware of that concept, but l don’t care that you are a friend of Tims, he and l are just acquaintances, he fixed my computer a few years ago and because of that we have met. We talk occasionally but not on a social level but if l want to ask him questions about my computer. We are not BFF’s or drinking buddies, l am if anything, just a client to Tim. So there is no need for you and l to be buddies, it isn’t happening.”
“Look, there is no need to be like that, wow, have you met him then? Great bloke isn’t he? not met him myself yet.”
“Listen, but just because you are a friend of Tim, doesn’t automatically mean you are my friend okay. I don’t want to be your friend, l don’t want to know you, l don’t know you and l don’t want to. Now, l don’t mean to be rude or come across as hostile, although you are probably thinking l am the opposite, but l don’t need to know you anymore than l would need to know any of your own friends or friends of theirs. So l am saying goodbye now, you have yourself a lovely day, and if you contact me again, you will be blocked and if needs be reported for harassment. Are you clear on that? By responding to me, means in my world you want blocking.”
Yet this sort of behaviour is a constant thing in Facebook – why? If a complete stranger walked up to you in the street and suddenly pronounced they wanted to be your friend, you would be forgiven for thinking they were an oddball! Friendship is a very specific concept and many people view friendship very differently to the next person along.
Some people take sociality to a different level of understanding and comprehension. Just because it is a social platform, doesn’t mean everyone is a social butterfly. I don’t view friendship like that, l tend to have very few friends, l have those that respect my privacy and who don’t just try and pry further, cajole me into being someone l am not. Who don’t push and shove their socialness onto me.
One of the reasons l started to hate World of Warcraft was because of its presumptions on being social. It used to be a game where solo players and loners could play to their hearts content by themselves as just a bit of escapism. Then Blizzard decided to widen the goal posts slightly by introducing community game play and that’s fine for those who want that kind of thing – woot woot – to them. But what they also did was start to restrict the amount of solo and loner play there was, and try to force being social on the ‘introverts and selectively social players.
That’s not on, if l don’t wish to game with other players why make me do that? So they started to lose players. They are still losing players today, for many reasons, but instead of them understanding or trying to understand that NOT everyone wants to say hello to another player, they are still introducing more community game playing concepts. It’s not that there are no solo playing aspects there are, but the good parts means you have to group with people, and some of us, just don’t like that. A game should be about choices, a game played by many should be a game that is able to be played by many different personalities.
Friendship and being social as topics have always confused me, now in the most simplest form l get it – seriously l do, but l don’t understand why there are those who seem to think that absolutely everyone wants to say ………
……………….Hello – Just For the Sake Of It!