Series 1 – Episode 3
Eddy’s Twisted Difference Bucket?
Wednesday 13th 7.45pm
“Alright Alby!” George shouted heartily over the rising din of the King’s Head in way of both greeting and showing where he was, which was at the request of Albert prior to their evening drink so he talk to his brother about a problem he was having. Albert waved to George and walked to the bar where Mabel was awaiting his request.
“Hello my old duck, what’s it to be? The usual, a pint of Doombar?”
“Evening Mabel, no, l am a worried man this evening, l need something stiffer and stronger, l think l’ll have a very large Jameson please.”
“Good grief Albert, that’s quite a change, whatever is wrong?” Mabel asked whilst pouring out the required tot and watching Albert as he requested even more.
“All in good time Mabel, all in good time, l need to speak to my brother first, has Eddy come in yet?”
“Eddy?” Mabel asked looking around the bar and not seeing the man in question turned her attention back to Albert. “No it appears not Albert, do you want me to send him your way when he does come in?”
“Please Mabel, very much so.” Albert answered and collecting his somewhat large Jameson’s walked over to where George was seated.
“Evening Alby, so what’s the problem, why are we here earlier than our normal meet up?” George enquired of his brother as Albert sat down, made himself comfortable and took a large mouthful of the golden liquid. “Whiskey Albert? Whiskey, l haven’t seen you drink a whiskey since you found out that Esther was having you on about not calling you ‘hubby’ anymore, but partner, and that you were now in an open marriage?”
Albert glared balefully at his brother remembering the incident a few months previously, where upon reading some silly glossy magazine Esther had found in her local hairdressers, an article that suggested that the term ‘hubby’ was antiquated and now most modern thinkers used the term partner and that it was old fashioned to say you were married and that is was more upbeat to suggest married couples be involved in an ‘open marriage’ and with that Esther declared she was going to start seeing Jim the Butcher on a Sunday for gratifications, as he was a man who knew how to handle his meat properly!
It turned out to be a joke, and once Albert had picked himself off the floor, Esther, always known for a good giggle who had been laughing so hard her dentures loosened suddenly told him to stop being so silly, it was April the 1st and she had got him a corker!
“Mm, don’t remind me George, that was not a good morning, if l say so myself.” Albert muttered taking another sup of his Jameson’s.
“So why the whiskey now then Alby? What’s happened?” George asked, concerned for his younger sibling, who held the facial pallor of something from one of those early Hammer House movies they used to watch.
“It’s that bloody Eddy, George, he came around to see Esther whilst l was out and he was talking about one of his silly half price holidays he has been trying to offload for the last few weeks.
Eddy or rather Edward Bucket [pronounced bouquet], had been a friend to George and Albert for years, since school in fact and had become a self made millionaire in the seventies with his idea of self improvement and how that if you started believing in the power of one single ‘Ant’ you would become a much truer inner version of yourself and who knows how, but people started believing in the concept and it wasn’t long before ‘Ant Power’ and “The Power of Ant’ was as popular as pyramid networking had become!
It had made him millions and yet in the eighties’ he had practically blown it all away with his lavish ways of living life, womanising, holidaying and basically up to the no good ‘ant’ics of being a fat cat! Since then Eddy was always thinking up outlandish ideas. Last year he had tried the same ploy again, but this time using the concept that the common mosquito had an intrinsic connection with the mighty ant!
This year however, Eddy’s brilliant money making scheme was Married Holidays abroad with a twisted difference, “Great for those concerning couples who wanted to add some zest to their lives!”
“Right, and what did he say to Esther then?” George asked a little confused. He liked Bucket and he and Mabel had considered going on one of his holiday packages before, but they had always been somewhat concerned about the term ‘Twisted Difference?” Like what did that actually mean? With Eddy as the salesman were you suddenly going to find yourself holidaying in Bognor Regis in a giant ant nest or something?
“I need to see Eddy George and tell him to cancel this damn holiday that Esther has already booked, as supposedly a birthday treat for me!” Albert said, taking a huge swig of the Jameson’s. “Esther’s only gone and bought something called Eddy’s Twisted Difference Bucket?”
“What’s that then? Sounds a bit ominous Alby , do you mean Bucket or Bouquet though?” George asked.
“What?” Albert asked looking at George as if he had lost the plot.
“Well Eddy’s surname is Bouquet according to him, but spelled like Bucket, so is it Bucket or Bouquet?”
Before Albert could answer, Eddy was walking towards their table “Alright Albert? Mabel says you want to see me? Has Esther told you the good news about the holiday she has booked and completely paid for as your birthday treat? It’s going to be a real eye opener for you both l think!” Eddy answered looking right chirpier than normal.
“About that Eddy?” Albert began ….
The Grumblies – Episode 4 soon.