Let’s Do Doin’ It!
|Friday 9th 8pm|
Albert inwardly groaned as he pushed the door of the King’s Head open and was instantly gratified by the familiarity of his local. The very air warmed his cockles, for the wind outside was truly bitter. George he could see had got there before him and was on his favourite stool talking to the landlord John. Mabel, John’s wife was serving Eddy further down the bar, and with a quick cursory glance he could see most of the usual crowd in for their nightly tipple!
Eddy, Dave, Wilfred, Jack and even Donald were all perched up against the bar, talking and laughing to themselves. They were a good bunch of lads that both he and George had grown up with, had gone to the same school in the village and knew each other almost intimately. Again he groaned as he steadily made himself to the bar looking forwards to his pint of Doombar.
“Alright Alby?” Enquired John, “You’re looking a bit worse for wear, are you ok?”
“Evening John. Yes, l can honestly say l have felt better admittedly!” Albert answered as he sat heavily down on his own stool. “It’s Esther’s’ fault, her insistence that we do it all day! From the time l woke up this morning, we have been doin’ it!”
“Ooh l say!” chimed in Mabel, sweeping down the bar with her swishy tea towel in one hand and pouring Albert’s drink with the other. Always so agile that one, Albert thought to himself. “Some should be so lucky Albert; if only John could be at it all day, l would be quite the happy lady! Best he can manage is …”
Albert cut her off with a laugh, “No Mabel, l mean gardening … the mere thought of those days would probably kill me off tonight.”
“Oh right, so any other time and you’re ok with it then?” Mabel continued with a devilish cackle.
Further down the bar Eddy threw into the conversation, “What was it Bob Monkhouse once said? “What do gardeners do when they retire?”
George bellowed “Gardener’s never retire Eddy they just do it on their knees! Boom Boom! So Albert, were you on your knees today then?”
“Ooh l say!” Mabel again, “Esther’s had you on your knees eh? My, these show girls certainly know a thing or two about good times’ don’t they?”
Again Albert groaned, he almost knew what was coming up, this lot couldn’t help themselves, it would be the age old game of ‘doin’ It.’
Wilfred laughed, “Well that’s what they say isn’t it, gardeners do it on their knees or even gardeners do it in the dirt! Gardeners doin’’ the dirty, gardener’s just love getting mucky whilst doin’ it!!”
George looked at his Brother, “Just got to be done Alby my old mate, you know it, we have to play the ‘Doin’ It’ game.”
“Are we not getting a bit old for doing it?” Albert asked meekly.
“Never!” shouted Jack who walked up to Albert, “No one is ever too old for the doin’ it game Alb!” “So come on, your turn …
Albert thought to himself … “Alright … Skiers do it with both hands!”
“That’s the spirit Alby!” Laughed George slapping his Brother on the back and almost throwing him over the bar. “My turn, “Australians do it down under!”
“Vicars do it in their pews!” Dave guffawed into his Guinness.
“Sailors’ do it in the rigging!” Yelled Donald from down the end of the bar smirking.
“Ooh l say Juggler’s do it with their balls!” Mabel squealed in delight!
“Trust you Mabel, to lower the tone.” Giggled Eddy.
“What?” Mabel asked all innocent like, “They do!”
“Boxers do it in their ring!” Albert laughed so loud his Doombar leapt out of his mug.
“Joggers do it on the run!” John said laughing hard.
“Bridge players do it with their fat aces!!” Wilfred said laughing so hard they all thought he was going to keel over.
“Ooh l say Wilf, you certainly know your stuff!” chuckled Mabel.
“Football players do it while dribbling!” George howled, nearly falling off his stool!
“Archers’ do it with a bow and quivering” Donald said with a roar.
The group just fell around laughing at their antics, looking more like the schoolboys of young than the elders of senility society made them out to be.
“How are you feeling now Alby?” George asked of his Brother.
“It’s great to have a laugh George. I was well stiff earlier, but now l reckon l could probably do another few hours on my knees with Esther in the beds!”
The bar just erupted.
“Another pint of Badgers George?”