Being Social Is Overrated!


Post Revisited, Reedited, Reworded, Reblogged From April 06th 2018

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Being Social is Overrated!


Some people can embrace being social like a duck can take to water, it’s the most natural thing to perform in so far as a task and is as easy as taking breath. They love nothing more than being followed and allowing themselves to become totally enveloped in people. They thrive on the hustle bustle of everyday life; revel in the brilliance of the colours of a vibrant society. It is almost like they were born into being the life and soul of a party, any party!

Indeed the only times they may consider donning masks might well be for pageants, or masquerade balls and the concept of literally disguising who they are to their world is terrifying! To them life is a wonderful stage to be seen for their performances!


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But of course, NOT everyone can do that naturally, some of us have to hone our drama skills and live a life of pretence and we do this to survive. Not all of us can take to sociality with ease and some of us must become selective in our societal communications.

I am of this persuasion myself these days, l prefer to not mix unnecessarily with unknown people’s but prefer the company of known persons – it is by and far less stressful, reduces anxieties and keeps my mental health in check. Sadly however, not everyone can live the hermit styled life l do, they have to endeavour to blend in with their environment and that of course means they have to integrate against their natural will with other human beings!

I ‘don’t’ not socialise, l just don’t pretend to be able to manage crowds any more, but l can achieve success with ‘persons’ over people! I have a few close friends and l keep them forever in my six [a term l use a lot] and if they stray too far from that perimeter then l forget them.

A lot of society cannot abide their own company, and l believe feel compelled to honour some kind of hidden obligation to be seen constantly fraternising within their social order! I have no such call of duty or a yearning of communicative responsibility, thank goodness!

Years ago, when l was a different man to one who pens the post today, l was engaged in the throng of camaraderie – not by choice, but by survival only – l worked and as such l HAD to fit in, for failure to achieve that would result in being seen as the alien l believed myself to be!

It’s not easy to be social, not easy at all, some crave the attention of affection, and others see it as an infection to be avoided at all costs! Some need people in their lives to avoid becoming lonely, which is an insidious evil of its own. Luckily l don’t suffer from that, but l know many who do – so it is a horrific inner conflict for them – to want to be with others, but unknowing how to fit in without feeling terrified.

Alienation is a morbid emotion to experience and it is usually accompanied by exclusion another Machiavellian nasty filled with treachery! So in order for many to avoid this, they ‘mask up’ and become another person. Camouflaging who they are through concealment – it is NOT trickery or falsehood, it is survival – it is a way to be accepted by a demanding constant otherwise known as society!


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The problem with this kind of pseudonym is that eventually it catches up with the host, and this can lead to a series of troublesome problems – stress – mood swings – tempers – meltdowns – burnouts and breakdowns! I so wish l could say this wasn’t the case, but l know this through bitter experience sadly!

Being social is NOT just about conversation with people but it is about the people themselves and this can lead to the sensation of being overwhelmed! Not all bodies and minds are suitable vessels for taking on board vast amounts of human clutter – chatter, banter, idle nothingness, smells, useless noises and non-sensible logic that being social seemingly encompasses with ease!Clear

During my travels within autism l have met and been introduced to many mask wearers and all with their own stories to tell. For me, back in the day, l was in the fashion industry and so l `took to wearing items that would take people away from looking at my face – animated and colourful ties, spinning bow ties and lapel bling – anything that took a person’s eyes away from mine – l could never look another person in their eyes it was always above, below or over the shoulder – for me my masks were used to hide the ‘real me’.


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But masks come in a variety of shapes and sizes and guises – some wear full body armour, others like l used to, wear eye candy distractions and for some it may be facial hair or ink art. Blending into our environment is not an easy thing for us to achieve because we are having to try and imagine the acceptable society style and impersonate it.

By far life on the spectrum is much easier than it used to be when quirkiness was viewed completely as inappropriate behaviour and if one didn’t conform to normality then one wasn’t welcome! That is of course the beauty of awareness – but it is not saying that the stigma attached to unusual has gone for it hasn’t and many still choose to not ‘come out’ or deny that they are actually ‘in’ to begin with and so the requirement for masks is still very much a common practice.

Life as we know it is filled to the brim with an over powering of at times paralysing catalysts and stimulants that can cause us to become run down very quickly. Remaining dedicated to your path can be fraught with perils – it can be totally gruelling, draining and debilitating – which is what others don’t see of us when we are masquerading around as them!

I don’t follow the crowds anymore, l walk my own path and allow me to be me. Not everyone can do that sadly, as society doesn’t allow it, despite awareness, they still want to coerce us to be like everyone else, they don’t want unique or individuality or even imagination, they want follow the crowd behaviour.


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I wish we lived in a society when autism like mental health wasn’t a taboo that had stigma attached to it and where people felt no threat by informing others of their social dispositions, where their foibles were not challenged as odd and where they could be themselves.

We are closer to those days, but sadly still not out of the woods, not just yet.

Things Take Time.


Ps: These posts are my views on my autism/Asperger’s, they may not be everyone else’s who is on the spectrum.

23 thoughts on “Being Social Is Overrated!

  1. Excellent post! I love your term “the 6”. So very appropriate! I’ve written several times about isolation, mental health, etc. The more people write about it and talk about it, the less the stigma will be. Thank you for this! 🙂

    1. Hey Penny, thank you for your compliment, genuinely appreciated 🙂

      In the 6, oh yes as a term it has been with me for years, and it is totally appropriate 🙂

  2. I socialize on social media, but not in person because of my anxiety. But when I’m around people who are in the same boat as I am (i.e., fellow inpatients), it’s much easier for me to be open and honest.

    1. Yes, l think a lot of people can relate to that. I don’t like socialising for the sake of it. I socialise when there is a need for it. I can be social to anyone, but not overly so. Say what l need to say and then be gone,

      My partner who is not that social, says she is less social than me, but truth be it, she can stand and talk to the neighbours by saying it is polite, whilst l say for 45? That’s when boring steps in.

      1. Lol my husband feels the same way as you about talking to the neighbors, while I talk to them to be polite! 😂🤣😂

        1. Hello Barb!

          Admittedly Suze doesn’t have a lot of choice especially with our next door neighbours, they are in their mid 70’s and her indoors is a real talker – l sometimes see Suze’s face and think ‘Boy am l glad it’s not me out there!!”

          Suze comes in and says things like ‘You could have said the phone was ringing?’

          “Oh no darling!” I answer “You looked like you were having so much fun!!”

  3. being social is very exhausting.
    You wrote about social people being performers and treating life as a big stage. I can see the relation, however, I’d take it a step further. Any performer on stage needs to have the right crowd. Think how the performer would feel if they specialized in opera singing, while their audience came in expecting a rap concert. That’s how I feel – a person who does like to perform, but who gets tomatoes thrown at them because the acts aren’t always the expected ones.

    1. Well l am quite social on an inclusive level if that makes sense, you would never find me these days in a crowd of five let alone a much higher number ha ha. I manage better in this situation when technically we are all surrounded by lots of people, but they are not in our faces 🙂

      As to other issue you raise, that’s when the power of adaption comes in, one masks up and if they have to they have to deliver the same performance, or alternatively just do their own thing and try and bring people around to their style or wear padded clothing and a Jason mask 🙂

  4. There is nothing WRONG with enjoying one’s home, pets, books, familiar surroundings, reading, writing, quiet times, etc. WHO decided that the “right way” to be happy is to run around partying, drinking alcohol, listening to blasting music, meeting so many new people no one remembers anyone’s name, etc.? Stupid!

  5. As I get a little older, I’d sometimes feel like staying at home is better than going out and doing such. Now I only meet people who are real to me and not the people I only speak with when there’s a gathering. I love reading books but I was preoccupied before. I didn’t have the time. Now I read as I want, and I don’t try to please everyone. I like sharing on instagram but not as before. Not socially.. just sharing and if ever I get to travel I do that instead of going out socially.

    1. Hey Gypsy [is that okay to refer to as gypsy or do you prefer Dauntlessgypsy?] I think the other thing is as you say as we get older our attitudes change as well towards sociality and we start to appreciate alone time more over extreme sociality 🙂

  6. Bravo JB! The other big problem with masks is that the people wearing them that are seeking acceptance and love will never really get it. Others are responding to the mask rather than the true person.
    I’ve walked through the fires(as have you) to learn to love myself with no masks. I hope that education and acceptance makes it easier for others to learn to unmask without the grueling journey.

    1. Many people will sadly never unmask as we both know as it is too big a change and filled with fear, people don’t like fear or change, and despite wanting to be seen as unique, most people shudder at the prospect of standing out like a sore thumb 🙂

  7. I always find your posts about your autism experiences fascinating. About the topic of ‘social’, I happen to believe that finally the world allows people to be who they are without a lot of judgment. Judgment still exists of course, but ‘in the day’ I think that people were judged a lot more harshly and even labeled with ugly words like “weirdo” “crazy” “oddball” than they are now. We should each feel free to be as social or as anti-social as is comfortable for us. Thanks for sharing your views!

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