Can Cook, Just Wont


Can Cook, Just Wont

I am by far and far the world’s worst cook!
Schooled by professionals and not by the book,
But do l care? No, l don’t!
Can cook, just won’t!

I should be completely and utterly ashamed!
And the way l act, perhaps flamed!
Skilled in the arts of the culinary delights,
Yet l don’t even feel the slightest bit contrite!

Trained and qualified as a chef you see,
Dear God, yet l see cooking as a blasphemy,
Well especially when cooking for a mere one,
Bloody hell, like where is the fun?

I could create the most fabulous roast,
But what’s the point, when there is toast?
Just as enjoyable, and bloody easy,
Instead of preparing the Sunday joints and getting greasy!

Oh, the dishes l have conjured up in the past,
When there were two of us and l could be arsed!
Now l am more inclined to make something simple,
Involving less kitchen aggro and much more blissful!

Why go to all the unnecessary bother,
Of lingering around the oven with feelings of ardour?
Awaiting the readiness of certain ingredients,
Just seems to me like time misspent!

Sometimes l contemplate making Spag bowl!
Then l think fancy fish dish with a bit of sole,
Or perhaps making an exotic curry mix,
However end up going for a much quicker fix!

Of late l have to be brutally honest and say,
That just eating from day to day,
Is becoming quite the chore,
Actually cooking the damned stuff even more of a bore!

Making life even simpler is more of a creative art!
Than striving to deliver the perfect a la carte!
But now l think l have cracked the perfect bachelors menu,
Coffee, cereal and toast see me through!

Okay so to the outsider it is maybe not the best!
But for someone like me, it’s so easy to address,
When asked why it is that cook l don’t?
I safely answer, Can cook, just won’t!

© Rory Matier 2012

44 thoughts on “Can Cook, Just Wont

  1. Oh well I cannot cook and I won’t! Lol! I just do not see where is the justice when one spends hours in the kitchen preparing something and then people just eat it in what 10 minutes? Where is the respect for the labor of love made, tell me? Hahaha! So, I cannot cook and I will not cook.

  2. I love to cook. Cooking truly is the art of love. You spend your time creating a masterpiece for others to turn to poop! If that doesn’t prove you love people I don’t know what does. Damian Hirst take note! My art merely turns to poop.. yours always was!!

  3. I’m a really good cook, but I can’t be bothered most of the time. Unless I have a craving for something, I go with whatever is easy. Last night, for dinner, I had a peanut butter and jam sandwich 👍😂

    1. I know the feeling, l am a qualified chef and l do cook for my partner, but sometimes all l want to do is have something simple.

      i have such a bland diet, whilst l can still make exciting dishes, there is none of the fun anymore.

  4. Swedish chef is always a good choice 😉 I agree with you, I love cooking but when I’m alone, “cant be arsed”.

  5. I love this, the toast line! 😁
    Excellent light hearted and fun, and worthy of a reblog! Thanks Rory 😍

  6. Nice peace Rory, ya I get the not liking to cook for one, I love to cook I just don’t have a way to right now. ❤️✌️


      1. You are so welcome! I love to read really creative writing like this!! Great title and great post!
        Me? Ha! Well, and blessed. Just wishing my Muse would spend more time with me! Loving retirement and having “Choices”! And how about you?? Any fun summer plans??

  7. I was just thinking this morning that if it wasn’t for my husband I probably wouldn’t cook. I used to cook for 6 when all the kids were at home and have had a hard time adjusting to cooking for 2. Now I usually cook every 2 or 3 days and we eat leftovers the other days. If it were just me I don’t think I would bother.

    1. Hey Ruth, and that’s exactly the situation with a lot of people. Commercialism has made huge profits out of the single cook as well. I am oft astonished to find in the supermarket these days some of the things l do find such as sliced and diced veg, which they say are aimed at the convenient ‘work all day market’, which whilst it has an element of truth to it, is a product also aimed at those who do eat alone, want something other than a ding meal or toast but cannot be bothered to slice and dice their own veg.

      If Suze isn’t here, l usually pop a pizza into the oven, make toast, survive like a neanderthal and why? Because l cannot be bothered to go through all the malarkey of cooking something big for one person 🙂

  8. Well, I can cook, love to cook, just won’t! I open the fridge, look at the ingredients and as you said think, but there’s toast 😂, and I know the tragedy that will befall the kitchen if I do cook.

    Very fun post 😅

  9. I love this. I actually like to cook, just can’t now, too difficult. The poem is great. Now if you get the urge to cook for two, my door is always open!

  10. I always fixed huge meals for Thanksgiving, etc, whereupon it was devoured in ten minutes after hours of effort.😫

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