28th April 2019
Appawrently, l am both booloo and a K9 Bully!!
Hey Folks, [ we must talk in whispers ok]
Yes it is late, but l thought l would paw up my episode early! Dad fell asleep again at the pc whilst doing his postdated’s and l just managed to wake him up [l do that by deliberately knocking into his legs and it nearly knocks him off his chair], so he finished doing them and has now gone to bed!
Good news, it might not be sunny today, which means no bath although l heard Mummy and dad plotting last night, they are planning to capture me with the new spiky gloves and brush me. So l figured by staying up late and pawing this entry that l might just be asleep when they try to brush me … ha ha call me booloo! I mean here’s the spiky gloves they got .. took me ages to find them, because they are being kept high in case l ‘shred them’ as if l would ………………. well maybe l might!
The last month has been awkward for me, for two reasons which l shall discuss now, but let’s keep it between ourselves ok?
Because l have been acting very strangely with my behavious and attitude, Mummy suspects l might be a little booloo! Dad wonders if l have this thing called ‘doggy demencha?’
I haven’t l am practising my covert K9 ninja tactics exercises … which means doing things that make me look well l suppose the term might be … a little odd … but it’s part of a very clever ploy, in case l am ever needed to be a tactical K9 and serve my garden! I have been having lots of troubles with the magpies and woodpigeons, especially the pigeons … they are ALWAYS on my land .. and l must see them off!
They say that l am losing the plot …. l say it’s all a clever ploy!
They say that l stop dead and stare at fixed points when l am in the house and there is nothing there … l say l am practising the skilled art of motionless stance!
They say when out in the garden l am doing the same thing and staring into space … l say l am becoming one with my environment!
They say l am walking unnaturally slowly at times … l say l am practising stealth manoeuvres so that the pigeons just think l am part of the garden!
They say l am forgetting things like when l was last outside and insisting on dad or mummy opening the door umpteen times to let me back out into the garden and back into the house … l say l am working on my mind over 2 leggeds matter and exercising my superiority as a K9 master ninja! [I mean … hello who is opening the door to let me out and back in umpteen times?? Not l!]
They say l am a K9 bully because l expect them to be in the same room as me when l eat late at night, but not when l eat during the day … l say, well who is the bigger fool? Not l, a dog will never go hungry and I am the master ninja!
Mummy says l am a K9 bully because l wake her up during the night for no reason at all … l say it is my absolute right to do so as the supreme K9 master ninja that l am as well as l am the one providing night security patrols! When l saw ‘wake up’ then you had better wake up. when mummy demands to know why l don’t wake dad up? i have to say l choose to wake mummy up and NOT tell her the truth which is trying to wake dad up is like trying to find the lost city of Atlantis during a tsunami – simply put it’s impossible when he goes to sleep he may well be dead!
They say that l am incredibly clingy … l say l am NOT, it is ALL part of being a ninja – it is the art of shadow stealth!
They say l am becoming too routinal … l say route is everything about being meticulous and organised!
They say l am being manipulative and coersive because if l cannot achieve success with one of the 2 leggds to get my own way, l will go to the other and play them off against each other … l say they are 100% correct!
They say l am so defiant – that l ignore them and pretend to be deaf and to not see them …. l say yes, this is how warriors are made – l am becoming one with my essence!
They say l am creating my own static and become sparky … ha ha l say it’s working, l am learning the ancient skill of electrocution by thought – those pigeons, those ruddy invaders on my lands will not know what has hit them! I will be supreme, masterful, l may be old, but l am a master ninja K9!
So you see folks it ‘s all part of my clever strategy based on precision K9 military tactics!
Unless of course l am completely wrong, and the reality is that l am an old dog who all going well will be 16 this year, and whilst my mind is still like that of a puppy, my body is saying whoah hang on there girlie you’re not as young as you once were, that l am going deaf, a little blinkered very stubborn and routinal because of old lady dog syndrome and l just want my mummy and dad to be with me all the time because l love them so much and that l feel safe when they are with me.
Yes l know l can be frustrating, but l know they love me, and we are all family and that’s what real families are all about, but we still stick together and love each other! My 2 leggeds are my world and l am theirs.Plus mummy gives the greatest head rubs in the world they are enough to make anyone a little booloo!!
But on the other side of life – hey we all gotta have dreams right? Plus those pesky pigeons are on my land!
As dad’s asleep and snoring in the next room, l am going to create a post with some of my favourite music!
Catch you shortly with that and next month for my new 4 paws diary episode!
Till then, Tootlepip from Doodlepip!