Things That Go Bum In The Night! 2014
Britchy of Bitchin in the Kitchen posted a funny story today which did make me laugh or laff if you wish, but in truth, when doesn’t she? In The Still Of The Night… The Coincidence Of Night, Fright and Shite Rhyming!
It was this tale of hers which reminded me of the many pranks that Suze and l play on each other on a continued basis more or less every week. We are always scaring each other, although in recent weeks, Suze has got the upper hand on me and has scared me hands down on more than one occasion, she is getting so good at it now, most of the time she doesn’t know she has scared me until she sees me jump out of my skin.
Suze and l have been a couple since 2013, and an official couple since June of that year, but we didn’t start to live together until March 2015 when we took a giant leap of faith and packed up our homes – mine in Lincolnshire and hers in Kent – to move to the Isle of Wight. Prior to that our courting period if you wish mostly involved her driving up from Kent to see me in Lincolnshire once every few weeks or so .
Now Suze, even today is a remarkably light sleeper, more so since the menopause, she has always put it down to a ‘Mother’s’ insight, that being and l feel many Mother’s here can relate to what l write next and that is that you are always aware of your children. Despite the fact that Suze is now a grandmother of five children, and her own kids have flown the coop, she is still very much a light sleeper. Unlike me who is a heavy as the dead sleeper, has restless legs syndrome and is an apparently funny snorer now this means that we sleep in seperate bedrooms.
Sadly however this doesn’t stop Madam Scrappy from waking Suze up religiously every morning at around 5am, so Suze has to get to bed at a certain time and hopefully grab a decent pocket of sleep, and her best time to date is about 5 hours solid sleep. But once more those who have experience of menopause whatever the phase – pre or post will know that sleep many a time evades you. Suze therefore is always tired.
When Suze used to drive up to see me between 2013 – 2015, she was working and so the 4+ hour one way drive could be murderous, and that time is if the M25 wasn’t jam packed, but as some might imagine, irrelevant to where you are in the world, a Friday night with the weekend approaching and hitting home time traffic could easily turn into a 7 hour drive up. So even then she was always tired and especially Friday nights.
Back then Suze used to take sleeping tablets to help her sleep, and most of the time as many can understand, they were a pointless exercise as they don’t always work!
Pranking was something we used to do to each other ALL THE TIME back then, and despite the fact that this particular night, she had had a dog of journey driving up from Kent, had hit all sorts of pockets of traffic, and finally had got to me at around 8.45pm, she had set off at 3.30pm.
We would have a meal, and maybe a couple of bottles of wine, she would then take some tablets and go to bed, dog tired! This particular night however, she was remarkably tired, she was staggering around like l don’t know what, bless.
She went to the bathroom, cleaned her teeth, and then came through and joined me in bed, l was reading at the time, she kissed me goodnight switched off the lamp, and tried to sleep. Ten minutes later she suddenly declared she needed a wee! Stumbled out of the bed, but being naked, and very close to the wall, her bum hit the cold wall and she she let out this little squeal, and yet still she stumbled out to the bathroom.
Well, you know, it was just too good to let go, someone being this tired! So l got out of bed turned off my lamp, and placed a sheet over my head and went out of the bedroom and stood to the left of the bedroom at the end of the corridor.
Before l go on, this was the layout of the house which was a bungalow. My bedroom was literally opposite the bathroom, 3 steps across and you were in there. If you walked out of the bedroom and turned right and walked 15 feet you were in the loungeroom, but it was a dark walk without the light on, and if you turned left another six feet of darkened corridor with an abrupt right took you to the front door.
So Suze was in the bathroom with the lights off, and finished her business, washed her hands and then stumbled out, into the darkness but midway she stopped and muttered ..
“Why’s it so dark??”
To which point l darkly whispered ….“Suuuuuuuzzzaannnneeee….”
She abruptly turned around and looked towards me, but groggily couldn’t see anything, until l moved out of the darkness and then suddenly all l heard was this almighty blood curdling scream, and heard Suze running like a baby elephant down the corridor towards the loungeroom!!!!
It was so, so funny, l think l actually wet myself, l was crying with laughter when she came back looking horribly dishevelled, hair akimbo with a 12″ kitchen knife in her hands!!!
I soon stopped laughing! Then she laughed hard and fast when she realised what had happened, but it was so so funny! Oh don’t worry folks, she got me back plenty of times after that and as said still does. But we still talk about that time and still laugh about it!
Some of you may have seen this video before called ‘Lights Out’, but if you haven’t this is scarily funny!