Suze tells me that l have done my ‘rescuing bit’ for the next few years as l am up to my quota. From my Father’s l have rehomed, 3 tigers, 1 giraffe, 1 moose and 1 teddy, bringing my own crew to a total of 17, including my original buddies Henry Bear and Mickey Mouse. Everybody has settled in quite nicely and is happy with the new arrivals. I couldn’t rescue them all, but l rescued a few.
I am a little surprised at all the events leading to where l type today – my Father and my Sister maintained that l was without empathy, that l was insensitive to anything – which always hurt quite significantly – if anything empathy can overwhelm me at times to the point that it stops me dead and l have to walk away as my emotions cause me to almost burn up. Recently Melanie lost her Hunydog and l was devastated for her loss, and became very upset at it all – for both of them. That certainly doesn’t sound like someone without empathy!
The image above shows my empathy for soft toys, they have done nothing wrong, all they want is to be loved, and if anything all l have done is rescued some of them to keep on receiving it. I have rescued some of my Dad there – a legacy he had to those animals. I rescued his cat Jacqui as well, and managed to find her a new home where she would be loved till her dying days. A task my Father HAD set my Sister and she ultimately failed.
If anything, l would say and would have said that my Sister Jenny has very little empathy and my Father whilst not sympathetic to humans, was understanding of his little toy collection. Mind you, he kept them because they reminded him of Jeanne. One of the biggest regrets of his life, next to l now know and can confirm my Sister.
Jenny says that the wish to keep soft toys is childish and if you do so there is something wrong with you mentally. That there is absolutely no need to keep these things from your childhood, because your childhood is done and dusted and you should move on with your life and start adulting!
Yet, she insists that Dad told her she could keep all 207 photo albums and why does she want them? To remember her childhood?
I will never know if he said this or not, after all the man is dead – so who knows what he said and to who during his last days? I somehow doubt he said it and especially to her as there was such a battle ongoing between them. He wasn’t happy with her at all, and in the early days l didn’t understand this, as l believed them to be very close. Of course l have learned a lot more since his death, through his stories, books and letters, email correspondence and official documents. I officially now know, that Jenny and Dad were NOT close.
This whole process of the estate and the probate has become one big logistical and emotional rollercoaster ride, and one l am not looking forwards to repeating in the near future. Admittedly. I don’t honestly think l could work with Jenny again.She has screwed up so many things that were simple to begin with but because she thinks she knows best and is a perfect know it all – she can never be wrong – well there we go, another verification that she is just another miniature Dad! She is quite possibly one of the most spoiled narcissts l have ever met – well next to both of my parents!
I also rescued some books yesterday with a view to read as well as sell, yet some that were selling for good money as little as a year ago, have no value to them anymore, sadly. So another donation to the British Heart Foundation is on the cards l feel.
Over the last month, l have found oddly enough my Father’s family to be more of an ally than my own family and they are a font of information too. I have been sending them things through the post that l thought were of more interest to them, as they were to do with my Dad’s parents and not meant for my Sister or myself. I picked up a few more things that they will appreciate receiving l feel. My Sister maintains that they too have no rights to any of it – she is unbelievable at times as a person. Another trait she shares with Dad is her spitefulness, and her desire to take revenge on people is shaming. But that is my Father who was always fond of”‘Revenge is a dish best served cold.” She has been exercising that to some length with me these last few months.
Why? Because l was honest with the finances in the estate – now she is just bloody minded. I don’t do revenge it’s not really my thing, l tend to be more of the belief of ‘give someone enough rope’, as well as a firm believer in karma!! But of course with her involved, l have thought up all nasty thoughts of sorts, but have to accept that the past is the past – what will be will be. It’s not an easy pill to swallow, especially as l know the truth. But time will tell.
However yesterday, at great pains to myself, l did take 263 photographs of the albums and managed to quietly take a few away. So now l have a smattering of my childhood, which is very useful to fill out my stories with some authenticity but equally it means to a certain degree l can fill in some of the missing gaps to my childhood and my Father’s autobiography and that’s a good thing. I have now some 1200 photos in image.
I will probably send the albums back to her, but maybe l wont. I think she is keeping them out of spite, and even think she is going to throw them away!
I find it odd that my Sister with her passion for all of these albums hasn’t shifted one out of my Father’s house since October, not one album? Surely if they had meant that much to her she would have removed them? But then, ironically we get back to this thing called empathy… she actually hasn’t shown any of it towards anything he owned – she has taken nothing. I on the other hand, have taken the very essence of his life – his words, his readings, parts of his soul with the soft toys, a coat he loved and l wear, a host of other things to remind me of him. I work with him closer every single day these days with his words than we ever allowed ourselves as Father and Son when he was alive, and why? Because my Sister owned him as far as she was concerned, no one else could have him … or l should say his money. She didn’t even truly want him to interact with his Son. Oh yes, the truth is also out on that one too.
He was an absolute bastard of a man when alive, but he was still my Dad, and l loved him. in many ways l have rescued him from my Sister.
My Father [on the right] on his wedding day 1958 aged 20