A Tipple Too Far – Party Conga! 1999/2000
In my early to late twenties l discovered the beauty of dance, although ‘beauty’ is not the right word, but to me the ability to escape the day was a beauty in itself. Go to where the music was the loudest and literally dance the night away I did this as often as l could. As it turned out l was a natural dancer, but l wasn’t known for my social dancing. Truth be known, dancing was a solo experience and not so much a social experience. The one thing l didn’t do was dance with people – NOPE – dancing was my time out.
Of course l didn’t know that at the time, and no this is not an Asperger’s fuelled post, but facts are, autism was present in my life from birth, but until someone told me, l just thought l was different to most others and l didn’t know, hence why this is not that kind of post. So it’s pre knowing! I didn’t care back then if l was on or off the spectrum, l just knew that some days were harder than other days and some days l was so overwhelmed with people, that l wanted to kill them!
Working in retail as l was, and any retailer reading this will all too well understand my sentiments concerning the ‘customer’. There are some brilliant buyers, some great buyers and then there are the arseholes and imbeciles! So in order to chill out and not have to think twice about the latter, l would go to where it was loud, noisy and to a certain degree dark!
I say ‘dark’, because many a time when younger l actually danced with my eyes shut – ok you have dragged it out of me, l always danced with my eyes shut even if l was dancing with someone else. You see there were two types of dancing with me, and only two, one was solo dancing and the other was almost like dirty dancing style as in up close and personal. Although l didn’t do too much up close and personal dancing until my later twenties when l truly understood what up close and personal dancing was and the delightful benefits of that!
I also say dark because it was nicer when it wasn’t too light, but l could just switch off and escape into my dance bubble. Many a time l would open my eyes and find some girl in front of me saying thanks for the dance and l would be oblivious to her presence and tell her so. “No, l wasn’t dancing with you, you were dancing by me or in front of me, but we were not dancing together.” I wasn’t rude, just honest. Of course in my very early twenties l was an absolute clutz when it came to girls, women and generally the opposite sex. I probably missed many opportunities back in those days, but equally l wasn’t looking for a hook up, just to dance. Oh my how things would change in the years to follow.
Early twenties and l danced to most commercial music, like below, remember this?
Gods, but l used to love that song! Where l used to dance the most was at Cinderella Rockefellas in Guildford and if it wasn’t that it was many from this lot!
Also, l didn’t need to drink to dance, l just danced because it was one of the greatest releases l could find for my abundant energy. Back then a lot of my friends couldn’t get on the dance floor unless they were boozed up, whilst l would arrive, buy myself a coke and slip off my padded jacket and get onto the floor and dance, and dance and dance some more. A lot of my best mates were ‘gay’, of course now that is not the correct term, and l should imagine l should be writing lgbtq, however that is now, back then it was different. Didn’t make any difference to me, l could dance with them and many a time get more of a giggle and a great time than from straight blokes who always had something to prove. No thanks we ‘is’ here to dance and that is what we be doing, l would say!
Most of my mates taught me a lot of my special moves anyway, and it was fluid and smooth rather than tanked up with vodka, gin and beer, the more natural the better l would say.
By the 90’s, my musucal tastes had changed quite dramatically and l wasn’t so much a chaser of the commercial genre, but focused more on the dance scene, and as the years progressed l found that l was leaning more to the hard core scenes.
In the early 80’s l danced in discotheques … and by the later 80’s l danced in nightclubs, but by the mid 90’s, l was more of an underground dancer and more into the hard core rave and trance scene. I could dance from dusk to dawn, and l did so seven nights a week, l had finally found the answer to insomnia! That answer was DANCE and don’t try to sleep.
By popping sometimes as many as 40 pro plus a day when stress was high l found l was suddenly the energy rabbit, l lived for dance, music. It was also an ideal music scene for soloists, you could be you and only you, dance in your world. As l got older, more of a risk taker, l too found l could drink and dance, pop and dance, work and pop or just a combination of all and more.
Days had no meaning anymore, they just ran as one long day.I was in the classic wash, rinse and repeat cycle of dance, drink, work, pop, shag, dance, drink, work and for two solid years l did that had l not got married in 1994, by which time my life had to stop l would have just continued on. I suppose looking back the damage was done, but at least l had fun!
My then wife was not into that scene, and as l was married l had to not just slow down and stop but start living the life of normalcy!
It remained that way of mundanity and boredom of not even a trip to a nightclub, let alone a rave, and the music not being too loud in the house. I was an acid house garage trancer and she was a commercial bopper! So we went from extreme rave to …….
.. without even any slight compromise to even hardcore dubstep …. or even hardcore rock or punk!!?
Slowly from the mid to later 90’s l had become brainwashed, and had to play my music secretly when she wasn’t in the house and if caught out pay the consequences! Only a serious hard core dancer will understand the pain l went through! From hard core everything to this!!! I was nearly suicidal! Because of this! Was what normal married couples listened to???
So perhaps the events of New Years Eve 1999 could be forgiven? Now all the latter was just foreplay from me to you, a preamble to the real story!
A Tipple Too Far – Party Conga! 1999/2000
We had as a couple been invited to the 1999/2000 New Years Eve bash at her parents house. There was going to be all her family and friends, as well as her parents. I actually had been invited to a rave bash, and l had invited her, but no, no, no, we had to attend Mummy’s Party! I tried everything l could to get out of it! I said l had to work late with the animals, hell l even said l would stay overnight …. if that had of happened, l could have listened to music all night out in the sticks in the middle of nowhere, but no! This was our 7th Christmas Anniversary made even more special by the fact that the new millenium was the same night!
Fine l thought to myself, l’ll go, l had been to these events before, and they were very hum drum, her parents thought me weird anyway, so it was always a hell of a battle to remain sane for five hours! But l was determined to make this night memorable …….. l mean admittedly come the next day, l didn’t realise perhaps how memorable it had been. According to the blackmailers of the time there was a rather naughty video of me at the time for that night, and yes on the 1st January 2000 l did see it. Her parents used that against me for years to ensure that l played the normalcy game!
In truth, it wasn’t as bad as they thought, if they had seen the things l had been doing in my late twenties they would have come to realise that the antics of the 1999/2000 New Years Eve party were not just tame, but lame!
There is a genuine reason they say Never mix grape and grain you know, and more so if you are drinking inside a warm house and then step outside into the cold air to watch all the fireworks. Ok admittedly not all of that is the warning, but it bloody well should be!
Inside the warmth of the house, l didn’t feel drunk, l didn’t even feel that tipsy! I had drunk two bottles of red wine, one bottle of white wine, three quarters bottle of Jack Daniels and three quarters of Smirnoff Vodka and eight cans of beer. I didn’t feel anything, nope not a thing. I suppose it may have helped if l had eaten something … yes l think that may have helped enormously.
I met a guy there with his gorgeous girlfriend, Tabby the latter had been one of my wife’s bridesmaids, back then she had a different boyfriend, who had been a lugging thug, but muscly! But her new fella was an some kind of high intelligence military wireless engineer based in or around Falkirk, and his job was to monitor the skies for UFO?!
He was one of those chaps who said l could tell you, but then l would have to have you killed, ooh the real deal l thought, not him kill me, but someone else kill me! However, he and l much to the annoyance of our other halves enjoyed a truly awesome time talking about strange UK phenomena for two hours. Strangely enough l also found out during our conversation that he and Tabby were a swinging couple’ which was a very interesting topic l thought, however my wife was no WAY interested in that kind of behaviour!
She could be like that though, not prudish, but not always open to different thinkings and thought and behaviours. Yes l know WHY did l marry her? Good question, and one l asked myself frequently during our 14 years together as a married couple! She had been interesting before marriage!
So l had been all snuggly and ridiculously off my trolley without even knowing it, until time of the countdown arrived ……….
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, and which point the front door was opened and we all stood outside awaiting the inevitable, 4, 3, 2 and 1 – well do you recall with clarity where you were when 1999 left us and became 2000? I am sure many of you do! So do l! Perhaps a millionfold, because in the first few seconds left of 1999 and in the first ten seconds of 2000, something inside of me changed! My head suddenly had become almost fifty people instantly, the colours, the noise, the screams of rockets, the music blaring out of people’s front doors and the cold brisk chilled air of midnight!!
I could hear music somewhere up the street and it sounded a lot like Gloria Estefan ..
At the top of my voice l screamed ………..
…………….and promptly ran off into the distance following the beat, leaving my startled family yelling “Rory, come back, now, what are you doing??”
“Having some bloody fun at long last!!” I yelled back and continued running, now truly feeling the effects of the drink inside my system and laughing like a lunatic!
I found the music blaring from a doorway of someone’s house and without invite ran through their doorway, yelling, Conga, Conga, Conga! When l raced into the loungeroom, l saw perhaps twenty shocked faces looking at me ………. l hasten to add, l could see that they too were like me …. DRUNK!!
“It’s the new year, the year they said we would blow up, we must CONGA to celebrate!!” I yelled at them. They all yelled Yay!! You see, it was me Rory Matier who organised the Market Deeping Millenium Conga Line party, l was written about in the local paper! Someone picked up a ghetto blaster [are they even called that?] believe it or not, they had even Latin American inspired music and off we went the twenty or so of us, out their front door with the music blaring and us all performing the conga line with me at the head of line!
We conga’d out ot the door, down their pathway and at that point we turned left and started doing the conga down the main road, and every house we passed we had two, three or even five people join the line! All of us doing the conga. All of yelling, ‘‘ooohs and aaahs” all the way along.
Now at the bottom of Godsey Lane in Market Deeping [Lincolnshire], there just happens to be a policestation! That mattered not, we conga’d all the way down there, so from where we started a distance of about 600 feet and by the time we got there we had maybe 150 people on our line. There was a police car in the way, parked by the side of the road ……….. did that stop us? Well me ….. no, the rest of the conga line YES! I was the only one dancing on top of the police car and the rest of the line were dancing around the car.
Apparently the police wanted to arrest me, but and however, my wife and the rest of the party had shown up, and hauled me away, despite my protests before that became a reality! However, by this time l wasn’t just drunk, l was horribly drunk, all the night’s drink had caught up with my empty stomach and so l ‘supposedly’ became boistrous which warranted me being treated like an escaped nutter. On the way back to the house, and them dragging me, they had taken off my trousers and shirt and literally dragged me along the pavement and through dog thorn bushes to teach me a lesson.
When we got back into the house they had clothed me again, but did not put my trousers back on, and left me in my socks and boxers! I vaguely remember some of this and more has come back over the years ……….. the following part to the tale l don’t remember so well, however it goes like this …….
…….. I was so drunk l talked to the fairy at the top of the Christmas tree and asked if she was from Falkirk? I was in the back garden in the freezing cold walking through my parent in laws duck pen in my socks trying to call the Mothership down on my mobile phone to collect me and take me home! I got in trouble because l organised a foursome with Tabby and her fella with my missus and myself in front of her outraged parents and said we would use their bed upstairs and anyone else was more than welcome to join in for a bit of millenium shenanigans! ……..
I don’t really remember that, but l do recall at four am that morning waking up and peeing in my wife’s once bedroom closet on top of her Father’s boots, but l am saying that to you only now as l know you’ll keep my secret! That l most assuredly remember!!
The next day l was so hungover that l ended up in casuality with alchohol poisoning which lasted a week! I also remember being covered in the most God awful blistering welts which according to my wife saying to the doctor had been the result of me ‘sleepwalking” into a rose bush!!!
I have only been really seriously drunk twice in my life, this episode was the second time and l shall tell you about the first another time. But you know since that time, l have never really danced again, or really drunk and l most assuredly haven’t performed the conga!!!!
Well that’s me, how about you any really, seriously awkward moments under the influence …or have you ever conga’d??