Almost everyone has an addiction to something sweet,
I am no different, except mine is not something that l eat!
Chocolate is something consumed when one is down!
Mine is more personal, and makes others frown!
But it awards me an immense inner satisfaction,
For when l am miserable, it gifts me gratification!
There are many styles of my candy, it has to be said,
Personally mine is motivated by the hungering in my head!
Some prefer the listlessness awarded by the booze,
Or the highs inspired by a drug-induced snooze!
Others get their kicks from smelling their flesh burn,
Hitting objects, scratching themselves without concern!
But for me, l like to feel my emotional tormenting spin,
Carving delightful slices is my ultimate sin,
Wearing upon my body the badges of achievement!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s personal to me, not your merriment!
Scarring my soul in such a way, is unforgivable,
But with this suffering my damage is still liveable,
Mentally, each slice of the cake consumed is a lesson,
To walk warily next time on the way to the delicatessen!
Dark horrors constant within my mind, never far away,
Lurking within shadows, preparing to strike any day!
Mood swings that can change at the flick of a switch,
Usually as a result of my life nose-diving in a ditch!
Contending with a continual attack of nightly terror,
Struggling daily with a life that has seen its’ fair share of error!
Maintaining a healthy and stable mind, is indeed an art!
Like a finely tuned restaurant menu of a la carte,
Mindlessly l acknowledge that life is not easy,
And conceding that despite my candy making others queasy!
l have travelled far to reach the end of the darkest tunnel,
At times squeezing through, like a rock through a funnel!
One can succeed if they choose to, and see the light,
But it’s not easy, and does come with a hell of a fight!
Life is for the time being well worth the effort,
And delightful slicing is currently no longer my mental escort!
© Rory Matier 2013
This dark poem highlighting the journey l had undertaken with self-harm was written in 2013. It celebrated a year of being addiction free. I could safely say that year and thankfully the years that followed to where l sit now and pen, that l am still self-harm free. It is NOT a spoof or even a tongue in cheek attack on those that are currently and sadly experiencing self-harm issues, it is more of a ‘l got through this, l got through the dark tunnel’