Not Just Crackers! 1986
Recently a remark made by Bereaved and being a single parent “Once tried to eat the worlds hottest curry and failed badly” made me think back to the year that l tried to ‘eat things’ for prizes!
I was 23 and according to those who knew me, l seemingly had “hollow legs and a cast iron gut!’ The same can not be applied to me today with my Candida flaring up and over reacting to the sheer volume of chemical tablets l am having to consume daily to keep pain at bay. Bloody chemicals rot your stomach more than some natural food items you can consume. These days however l am not that surprised l have serious problems with my internal workings, l am actually more surprised that l still have a stomach let alone a gut. For whilst l date this at 1986, l have always had weird eating habits.
When l was diagnosed with my Asperger’s, someone commented that my quirky consumptions were probably due to the presence of my autism. I don’t know about that in truth, but if the cap fits l might adopt it!
When l was ten, l used to eat by the giant spoonful a product for indigestion in Australia called Eno which was basically a disolvable in water powder that when consumed dry used to foam up in your mouth, it was meant to help you with stomach problems and yet all it did was give me stomach problems! Okay, okay, l know now l shouldn’t have eaten it dry or at all. I was constantly being told off and disciplined for eating it, and l had to go to the doctors with an acute addiction problem because of it. But there was something in it, that l liked the taste of.
I used to make strange triple decker sandwich combinations but that is not entirely down to the presence of Asperger’s lots of kids of my age as well as adults were doing that kind of thing, they still do! So Peanut Butter and Jam and Twiglets were not a huge culprit – not really.
I was just terrible at putting things in my mouth and tasting things. I even on two occasions as a youngster poisoned myself by trying to eat things l shouldn’t have done. But hey my philosophy even back then when l didn’t even know what bloody philosophy was – was simple, you don’t know till you have tried it! It has been both the credo and story of my life and has landed me in some very serious and compromising situations all the way through my life.
At twelve l developed an addiction to vinegar and l used to drink it by the chilled glass full, this only stopped as a terrible habit perhaps five years ago, yes that’s right folks, when Suze came into my life! She curbed a lot of my eating habits. But vinegar was my real go to comfort drink back in the day, white or brown made no difference! A tumbler filled to the top and topped off with some ice cubes it was ‘dee-lish!’
I am on a relatively boring diet because my stomach is so unstable, l am no longer allowed this or that or even the other in case my stomach kicks off, and as l have aged and more so in the last five years, my stomach has deteriorated even more, so a lot of food has had to come out of my way. I will not bore you, but if you want to learn more Google Chronic Candida Yeast Overgrowth and then check out the dietary requirements to keep it at bay! Of course atypical to my life style, l couldn’t just get normal Candida, oh no, my body had to adopt chronic! Just my luck.
As a kid l used to love buying gum, especially ‘bubblegum’, not just chewing gum, although l only have that occasionally now, l am still guilty for swallowing it and never simply spitting it out! So perhaps what my Mother used to tell me about it clogging up my insides turned out to be true – who knows?
But the aforementioned habits, are not really that bad, things took a progressive turn for the adventurous perils when l was in my early to later twenties when l decided to see what l could achieve and what l couldn’t achieve! The former was huge, although the latter is now bigger!
I used to have hollow legs in my twenties, l could drink most under the table and never felt a hangover, in fact my first ever true hangover was when at the turn of the millenium, when l ended up with alcoholic poisoning due to mixing grape and grain and everything else. Although there was that one time of mixing two of my favourite spirits and l had an allergic reaction!
However l digressed – well sort of, anyway, between the ages of 23 to 28 l went through a seriously weird eating phase … what? You mean weirder than drinking vinegar by the glassfull, eating handfuls of dry indigestion powder and swallowing Hubba Bubba bubblegum? Yes, much weirder, which is where the comment of “Once tried to eat the worlds hottest curry and failed badly” comes into play.
Admittedly curry was never my thing, l mean sheesh l had limitations, however l have over the years entered the following strange ‘Can you eat this and survive’ competitions!
300 Cream Crackers in the quickest time, with only one glass of water – that was easy, all you do is nibble really fast like a hamster and make loads of crumbs, then when you have a bucket load of those gobble them up and down them with water!
Winner’s Prize £50 [6 minutes get in there!!]
Drink one bottle of malt vinegar – easy peasy, l just had to mentally prepare myself for the burn in the back of the throat and drink my provided water in stages.
Winner’s Prize £25
Eat forty double hamburger in 10 minutes! Straight forwards.
Winner’s Prize £50
Eat 50 oysters in two minutes – this was harder because l am not that keen on oysters and not helped by some nob behind me making lewd comments about the taste! But l did it.
Winner’s Prize – Restaurant Meal paid for by restaurant.
Eat 10 raw onions in five minutes. No problem, thank god at the time l didn’t have a partner!
Winner’s Prize – £30
Eat as many doner kebabs with the in house hottest chilli pepper sauce before this song ends! I did it, it took me a few days to recover, but l did it! I downed 12!!
Winner’s Prize One Months Supply Free Kebabs!
Eat thirty picked eggs in one minute! Easy peasy!!
Winner’s Prize a free jar of pickled eggs!
Eat 100 Pickled gherkins in two minutes! Like the eggs, okay you fart a lot and trust me you do, and like the eggs people think they are standing next to an active volcano!
Winner’s Prize a free jar of pickled gherkins!
I managed all of these, and the one time, the only time l was ever beaten, was in 2001, when l tried to win a dinner meal for four for my then wife and her parents at a Harvester Restaurant by consuming their three pint Knickerbocker Glory valued at £25.55 and l nearly did it … nearly, l had one scoop left and l simply couldn’t finish it! I had to fork out the £25.55 and the cost of the meal for four! I was ill for almost a week afterwards!
So how about you, any strange eating habits, or quirky eat all you can competitions?