Oh No Way, Oh So Way – My Way![5]

Worn my night time bed wear out to the shops

Oh No Way

Not my scene at all, never done it, but seen plenty of people who have, do and did.

Blamed my farting on another

Oh So Way

Absolutely, Scrappy does it to me, so l return the favour!

Laughed at something that whoops wasn’t a joke

Oh So Way

This sort of comes with the territory of Asperger’s – so yes many a time, l am improving apparently, it’s either that, or not going out as much as l once did!

Cheated at Monopoly

Oh NO Way

However that doesn’t stop people accusing me of doing it … sore losers l say – buy early has always been my motto – the utilities are crackers!

Peed in the bath

Oh So Wayish

Yes but not one with water in, sounds gross, but their toilet was blocked!

Accidentally sharted whilst laughing

Oh So Way

Sadly l have to concede to saying yes, accidentally as is the case. Had a really bad stomach and someone told a joke – you can fill in the gaps yourself – l know l did!  🙁

Arrived at a party wearing fancy dress on formal night

Oh So Way

Oh yes, and in true to Bridget Jone’s style as well!

Had a seriously bad haircut l had to wear a cap for 9 weeks

Oh So Way

Yes, when l was 34 l had asked my then wife’s sister to dye my hair grey and she gave me bleached blonde, l looked like a child from the Village of the Damned!!! So not happy, 9 weeks in a damn cap and l can’t even stand caps!

Broken a chair just by sitting on it

Oh So Way

Sadly yes, and l still don’t know to this day how someone of 10 stone could achieve it?

Scream out aloud like a wussy when something jumped out of a dark corner

Oh So Way

Yep, last year in the garden clearing out a small garden shed and a cat had sneaked in unbeknownst to me, so when l opened the door this cat leapt out at me and l squealed like a right wussy puss!

Look at myself in the mirror and thought ‘Shit really?’

Oh So Way

I think in truth a lot of  us do if we are honest. I am not overweight, but l could afford to lose a few pounds. Damnations to this shoulder.

Stepped barefoot on dog poop

Oh So Way

Yes sadly l have and it is the most god awful thing in the world next to stepping barefoot on a slug!

Taste sampled my own earwax

Oh No Way

That doesn’t really need further explanation – no means no – ha ha. But l have swallowed a spider!

Worn underwear for more than a week

Oh So Wayish

Yes, once a long time ago when l was camping, and my rucksack got swept off the Dandenong mountains in Australia due to a torrential rain squall.

Visited a strip joint

Oh So Way

Yep came with the territory of my Escort days in London.

Watched pimple popping YouTube videos

Oh So Wayish

Yes, but it’s not like ‘Oh goody lets me watch some of dem spot squeezing vids again!’ More a case of those damn adverts that occasionally come up and you think ‘eeewk!’ And yet still watch!

Used a public toilet that had no toilet paper and ‘improvised’

Oh So Way

Twice in my life, once when l was at a scout camp, and no toilet paper and l had to wait for someone else to come in and get me some, and the other time about ten years ago, when l had a really bad stomach and chronic toilet problems! Then waited, and waited, and waited, and after about 45 minutes, figured no one was coming. My bottom had dried and l quickly made my way home – a terrible moment!