The Magic Basket aka the Man Look
We are very lucky here, where l live, l could almost call myself Jack! But of course Jack had three beans! I have a magic basket, it’s astonishing, but according to Suze – it’s not a case of ‘we are very lucky here’, but l am very lucky here, because the magic basket seemingly only serves me!
It all started last night, no, no, no, the magic basket has been around for quite some time, well strangely its arrival coincides with Suze and l becoming a couple. I don’t recall having a magic basket before, l just had a basket, and l don’t think it’s just a basket, but for ease we shall say it is a basket. Maybe the basket has pixie dust attached, perhaps it is indeed grown from pixie dust – l don’t really know, l just know it’s magical .. bugger l digressed didn’t l?
Anyway, it started last night when Suze told me she had bought me a new pair of lined trousers for walking, and would l please try them on over the weekend to make sure they fitted? Yes of course l said l would, but also did she know where the other lined trousers l had were?
Well she looked at me like l had two heads, and said “Where they usually are!”
Well where they usually are is hanging on the coat stand, they are walking trousers not everyday trousers, so once walking Scrappy is done, l take them off and hang them on the hat stand.
The Man Look
“No they aren’t” I said, “l had to wear my unlined trousers this morning.”
Well Suze then gave me that withering Mother’s look of hers. I think many Mothers know this look, it’s the one that Mums around the world give their children when they have said something completely and utterly stupid … don’t look so shocked Mothers of this world, of the audience, you KNOW the look l mean, teachers are also able to award pupils with this look. Suze is a Mother of two and a Grandmother of five, plus her Mother was a teacher so she has over the years managed to define a very stern look. I think even
Britchy of Bitchin in the Kitchen has such a look especially if l am reading her ‘who last changed the loo roll’ stories correctly? So don’t look so surprised Mothers, Mums, girlfriends and Grandmothers of this world, you ALL do know that look l am referring to!
Well that was the look Suze gave me, that ‘How can you be this stupid? How have you even managed to survive in the world?”
“They are hanging up, l put them there after l washed them for you.”
“They needed washing?” I asked innocently.
Again the stare, followed by that strange smile, as well as an odd little thing she does with her tongue in the corner of her mouth! I knew l had been manipulated into the Magic Basket arena once more. But l thought to myself, stay calm, maybe this will pass.
So together we walked to the coat stand in the conservatory, and when she couldn’t find them, l smiled and stood defiant – thanks the stars above l had been right! Suddenly Suze let out a strange sigh, and looked down, looked at me and proffered l do the same. “Gosh, what are those at the bottom of the coat stand, it looks like they may have fallen off!”
I shuddered inwardly, l knew what perhaps l might see. looking down, and l saw Suze pick up the lined trousers. “Oh once more!! A typical man look!! Honestly how have you got this far in life still breathing? No bloody wonder you are so clumsy you just don’t look!”
Suze had that smile of the winner of her face, l had to concede defeat, l stupidly hadn’t looked down, l was as guilty as fook. I held my hands up, “Yeah my bad, l didn’t think of looking down, l grabbed my coat, put on the unlined trousers and took Scraps out for her walk. 1-0 to you.”
The Magical Basket
Suze smiled again … “Oh well that’s a different matter all together, l didn’t know there were points, if that’s the case darling, l shall go for the definitive win!”
Uh oh, l thought, l wasn’t going to get away with this, now l was in trouble. I was in magical basket trouble!!! That’s the worst a person can find themselves in, and for me l knew l was going to be a big offender. I had to concede there would be no stepping away from this.
From the hat stand we walked back to my bedroom and then looked at my clothing stand. Now before l venture further with this story, l will put forwards a slight defence on my behalf. Suze and l have differing view points on what needs to be washed and when. I don’t often play on my Asperger’s, but there are some things l can pull into effect, l like my clothing to have a lived in feel, this is because l experience so many issues with hypersensitivity that l don’t like the way certain fabrics feel after a washing – it can become rougher, tougher, a straggling thread can cause me to become volcanic at times, so l like to wear things a little bit longer especially if l have just got it to that comfortable point.
But Suze is a firm believer that some things need to be washed almost immediately after wearing! Now don’t get me wrong, tee shirts, socks and underwear need to be washed and that’s where the magical basket is pure genius – it’s actually astounding – l put things in there dirty and a day later they are clean again, it’s truly fascinating! See, that’s magical! But trousers and tops don’t always need a daily washing, so l like to have a selection of comfort clothing on my clothes stand.
So there we were looking at my clothes stand which had the following: 3 pairs of jogger, 1 pair of jeans, my bath towel amd my pj bottoms and a hooded sweatshirt!
“So what needs cleaning here then, you cannot wear three pairs of joggers all at once, or the jeans on top, and you are currently wearing your unlined trousers! So what’s being washed then?” Suze asked of me.
“Well nothing really, they are all just about right.”
“They’re clothing not the three bear’s bloody porridge, make a choice now for the ‘magical basket’ or l will do it for you.”
“Oh good grief ok, two pairs of joggers then and the hoodie!”
“Fine, so there we go, another definite win for me l say. You know Rory, the magical basket is a very clever basket, but in order to truly benefit from its magic you need to actually feed it, not man look it, nor deny its maintenance. Clothing not being worn on the clothes stand is washing, do you understand?”
“Don’t take that tone with me … otherwise there may not be a magical basket! I think tomorrow, we shall look at the other magical things in the household, and put you through a refresher course.”
So tell me, is there a magical basket in your household or other magical things , are you guilty of the man look, or do you know of those that award you with the man look? Do you know of the ‘withering Mother’s look?’