Dear Blog … 00.35 – 27/01/19


Thanks folks!

Yesterday was a good day, l had fun. I love interacting with you all. It’s the social aspect of WP l thoroughly enjoy, the community – it’s good fun. But and yet in recent days it’s taking its toll on me. Considering l am not actually physically typing a great deal, l am sharing content, reblogging my older content and mostly displaying stuff from say my Dad, the actual typing l am doing is nowhere near as it was this time last month.

But gawd, l am in pain tonight, and to boot l am really feeling physically ill. They upped my meds last week from 1700mg every 6 hours to 2300mg every 4 hours to cope with increased pain once they realised that the shoulder had finally collapsed, the the nerve was popping out every five minutes and the biceps were starting to tear, the liquid around them had increased ten fold since the MRI on the 5th.

I am losing sleep more so now, insomnia plagues me more aggressively than the damn thing did in 1665 to London. I sleep roughly for four hours a day, so for twenty hours a day l take a total of 20 tablets and 11500mg daily, and yet it only hits the pain by 75%. It’s taxing, dehabilitating and demoralising. Lord knows what this quantity of chemical is doing to my insides.

You know before this whole thing started a year ago, l hardly took any tablets and l was really proud of that fact, and yet since June 3rd 2018, l have had 9 x-rays, 2 MRI’s, two advanced physiotherapy sessions and 2 sadistic normal physiotherapy sessions, and been technically signed off ‘working’ for 7 months – nevermind their continued buggering about with my tablets – l have lost count how many different types of tablets l have been on and yet, none have ever hit the pain spot.

I have no real strength in my right arm, experience pins and needles, numbness, sharp finger pains daily, stiffness when the joints lock, sheer sheet pain from the top of my shoulder to the fingertips, spasms that start from my neck and floor me literally if l am standing, neck pain, arm pain, shoulder pain. I can’t find comfort in sitting, standing or lying down. But in addition to all that, in the last three weeks l have started throwing up with the pain and the tablet concoctions.

I am officially sick to the back fucking teeth with this.

But l just wanted to say thanks folks, you make it a hell of a lot easier to put up with, with your humour and support and friendship. You are a terrific community and l appreciate you all.


Dear Blog ……

17 thoughts on “Dear Blog … 00.35 – 27/01/19

  1. I hope there comes a day when it eases enough to at least lose some of the chemical help. It can never happen fast enough when pain has you in its grip, though, so all I can offer is sympathy …

    1. Morning Cage, or rather l should say good evening Cage 🙂

      Thanks, l just want it over with now, sounds flippant it’s not, but if this main aggressor can get the fix it needs, then hopefully l can start recovery and repair and start to rebuild things again.

      That’s the one thing that keeps me going 🙂

    1. The pain is now just part of daily routine Sadje, l don’t like it, in fact l have learned to detest it. But if not for the blogging community l may have gone nuts long ago 🙂

      1. I know that the pain, and constant pain at that can play havoc with a person’s health. When I was on pain medication before my surgery, I used to take proton pump inhibitors with my pain meds, to reduce the damage to stomach lining. It is an over the counter drug in the states.

        1. We don’t have that here sadly. Over here there is a big push to reduce meds so as to not encourage addiction which is all well and good but leaves chronic pain sufferers like me in a terrible position.

          1. Not good. Those are not addicting meds. Just reduce the acid in the gut to lessen the side effects of pain meds.

          2. So do l. The first cortisone [steroid injection ] l ever received, my body rejected and that is their fear. So this time they are going to inject me 8 times which is why l need to be knocked out, but in so doing they can hopefully get the steroids to where it’s needed directly apparently instead of just guesswork. if it fails then it’ll just be keyhole surgery. I am past caring what happens now, not to sound heroic or flippant, just l need something done now, anything that might help the pain ease off and repair the damage l am thankful for. But l also fear the fact that as my body has already rejected this method are they wasting more of my time because of administrative protocols and ‘we must try this first’ attitude.

          3. I think it is handicap imposed by the system on the doctors treating you. The pain drives you to the stage where you are willing to do anything to get rid of it. But you have lot of options open to you, in case the steroids don’t work, which I hope that they do. All the best.

  2. John Boy is getting a little on meds…
    You know I’m joking. I know about pain and how bad it can wear you down. Shoot…before I got the intrathecal pain pump put in I was scaring the crap out of my daughters by “self-medicating” with alcohol. Their father, my ex, is a violent alcoholic so I understood their fear. I’m not an addictive person though so I was able to stop when the pain was gone.

    I guess UK is like the US in not wanting to prescribe opiates any more. It’s absolutely ridiculous! If it weren’t for Fentanyl in my pump and the morphine tablets I take occasionally, I would have ZERO quality of life.

    They really need to do a surgery and get that bone off your nerve! One of my surgeons had a photo in his exam room of a nerve in someone’s arm that was completely black, dead from waiting too long to have the corrective surgery. I have irreversible nerve damage in my own arm from delayed surgery.

    Sending big virtual hugs💌❣️

    1. Morning G’ma 🙂

      That is currently my biggest fear, that already we have seen the upper biceps tear as a result of the prolonged diagnosis and treatment, and the nerve damage could be colossal.

      The UK is like the US with regards the dishing out of actual pain killers now, as in some surgeries [mine] are no longer doing anything]. I am not prone to chemical addiction, l keep saying to them l am addicted to not having pain and still they l think now think l am being funny with them! What’s hard to believe? I don’t want any fucking pain Doc! it’s not rocket science, and yet still l am only receiving 75% pain relief, like what on earth gives with that?

  3. Yuck, I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. I can certainly relate to being sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hope they can sort it for you soon! 💕 Amanda

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