Yesterday was a good day, l had fun. I love interacting with you all. It’s the social aspect of WP l thoroughly enjoy, the community – it’s good fun. But and yet in recent days it’s taking its toll on me. Considering l am not actually physically typing a great deal, l am sharing content, reblogging my older content and mostly displaying stuff from say my Dad, the actual typing l am doing is nowhere near as it was this time last month.
But gawd, l am in pain tonight, and to boot l am really feeling physically ill. They upped my meds last week from 1700mg every 6 hours to 2300mg every 4 hours to cope with increased pain once they realised that the shoulder had finally collapsed, the the nerve was popping out every five minutes and the biceps were starting to tear, the liquid around them had increased ten fold since the MRI on the 5th.
I am losing sleep more so now, insomnia plagues me more aggressively than the damn thing did in 1665 to London. I sleep roughly for four hours a day, so for twenty hours a day l take a total of 20 tablets and 11500mg daily, and yet it only hits the pain by 75%. It’s taxing, dehabilitating and demoralising. Lord knows what this quantity of chemical is doing to my insides.
You know before this whole thing started a year ago, l hardly took any tablets and l was really proud of that fact, and yet since June 3rd 2018, l have had 9 x-rays, 2 MRI’s, two advanced physiotherapy sessions and 2 sadistic normal physiotherapy sessions, and been technically signed off ‘working’ for 7 months – nevermind their continued buggering about with my tablets – l have lost count how many different types of tablets l have been on and yet, none have ever hit the pain spot.
I have no real strength in my right arm, experience pins and needles, numbness, sharp finger pains daily, stiffness when the joints lock, sheer sheet pain from the top of my shoulder to the fingertips, spasms that start from my neck and floor me literally if l am standing, neck pain, arm pain, shoulder pain. I can’t find comfort in sitting, standing or lying down. But in addition to all that, in the last three weeks l have started throwing up with the pain and the tablet concoctions.
I am officially sick to the back fucking teeth with this.
But l just wanted to say thanks folks, you make it a hell of a lot easier to put up with, with your humour and support and friendship. You are a terrific community and l appreciate you all.