Dear Blog … 15.41 – 18/01/19

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Dancing in the grey!

Ask anyone on the spectrum, that given the choice would they like people to be in the black and white with them, or the grey, and they will always come back with the former. Of course you don’t need to be specifically autistic to desire that. But we live in a world where people like skull fucking with other people! My Sister is joining the ranks of the SF!

I am at my own concession, not looking forwards to tomorrow, perhaps my Sister feels the same. I mean let’s all be honest here, we don’t like each other – l dislike her because she is arrogant, ignorant, rude and dishonest, and she dislikes me because l am honest, too honest are her words, but also because whilst she is not saying it directly she is regarding me as an imbecile, she sees me ultimately as a threat to ‘her’ inheritance.

Now the past is the past, it’s the present and the future that is all important. I can’t do anything about the fact that my Sister milked my Father and he allowed her to do that for some nearly twenty years. Okay, l know that my Father preferred my Sister over me, okay fine, that’s the way of the unequal life. However, l will not allow her to footstomp over me now, and that is exactly what she is trying to do!

Oh she is so lovely, oh she is so bright, oh she can do no wrong – which l am guessing is the credo for all narcisstics – why am l surprised, my Father possessed the same skill set! They were suited to each other! Sadly, the way l feel now, is l may have only been the true sane one of my family, even with all of my quirks and idiosyncrasy’s!

From everything l am learning with all the reading l am engaged in with regards my own family, sod genealogy,  is that my Mother spent most of her life ill, my Father spent most of his life grieving a lost love and hating my Mother and thinking his Son was retarded and my Sister spent most of her life thinking she is the prodigal daughter and hating her brother for merely breathing! Meanwhile, all l am trying to do is actually survive in this world in any way l can. I ostracised myself from my family, because in addition to them being 100% weird, they disliked me because of my so called unusual behaviour! I didn’t fit in with their way of thinking, their way of living life and despite me requesting many a time for them to define this so called normalcy, long before any diagnosis of anything came through, l was told that l just wasn’t normal!

My Sister l swear, thinks l am the stupidist man alive, she has gone from doing SFA to now romping around like a super-charged vibrator in season! Now she is all facts, and figures and challenging. If l hear one more time, ‘May l remind you that we are joint executors’, l will not be a happy bunny. Why she doesn’t comprehend that when she says that irksome crap, that YES there are two of us as executors therefore, it means that something is to be done jointly is quite beyond me. How can she keep saying it, and NOT know what it actually means??

I have all the way through this shared information with her, and l wouldn’t ever deign to speak that line to her, yet, she fails every step of the way, she makes mistakes, will never ever apologise, will never offer any kind of thanks and thinks she is Gods gift to God! She can do no wrong.

Sheeesh, l do not believe l have ever met anyone that is this spoilt! How do these people get from A-B without them being absolutely boffed by other people who have been insulted by their behaviour and arrogance?

My work’s going to be cut out for me tomorrow, l have to appear to be calm and yet my head will be performing rollercoasters of hell in my very brain!  Never mind the physical pain l am experiencing, l think my Sister is just trying to fry my brain with her nonsensical bullshit!

Deep breaths and if that doesn’t work, think deep breasts!

Sorry rant over! Ignore me.

Dear Blog ……

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