Tossing off for the Lady!

Tossing off for the Lady!

Ah bad luck, Jock me old mate,
It’s just one of those things, you know?
Some days are just plain cruel, but it’s not too late!
You’re in, you still qualify for another free go!
Aye, that l do! You’re right…
…. This time I’ll toss it high!
Show that lass what one looks like in full flight!
That’s what’ll do, award her my best Highland Cry!

Now concentrate Jock, tune into the zone,
Become one with your timber,
Make your wood count, give it some backbone,
But do be mindful of your sphincter!
Show her, that you too can flirt,
With your mightiest of caber gestures!
Make it land square and plough the dirt,

So, she can truly appreciate the real pleasure,
…and not mistake your wishful thinking,
Or endless wellbeing, for anything other,
Than what it is …. Winning!
Show her you’re no bluffer!
Get it right this time Jock me lad,
Throw it higher than ever before,
So she can see that you aint half bad,

Impress her well Jock,
With your ability to toss off your caber,
Show the judge, you’re from quality Highland stock!
…. And you know what to do with your mighty sabre!
That you are atop of your clan’s hierarchy,
Not just any ordinary knit witted lobber,
But way above the minority parties,
For you Jock are a proud Highland Tosser!

© Rory Matier 2019

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