The Lost Sparkle,
So here we are 2019, a new year once again. I turn 56 this year in a few months time in fact, okay five, but it’s not that long away in truth. You see l am not quite sure where the year went when l turned 55, l mean that was only 7 months ago, but that has sped through like nobody’s business. I started this blog in September 2017, so this is now 15 months of age – time is just slipping through our fingers like water.
Suze and l have just watched the New year in on BBC1. I tried watching the NY in outside, but our village is very quiet, and whilst l could hear bangs and the sky had momentary flashes held in space, they were at a distance and as such l could see no actual fireworks. But l am not that bothered, l am not really a sparkly sparkle type of person. Suze is, she loves the magic of it all. Admittedly when the London fireworks was 30 seconds from completion, the light show was spectacular but none of the other times were in my eyes anything special, just a lot of bright light.
As an ex choreographer of effects l can genuinely appreciate the work that goes into the whole operation, but as to appeal, nope, nada and you’re joking right? No, there was nothing apart from that 30 seconds that spoke volumes to me .. the magic has not just gone, but so too has the sparkle.
But having said that, it was never really there in the first place. Even as a kid whilst my Father regimented with strict discipline ‘firework nights’, they were not that much fun as everything was forced, so whatever fascination l had with it was truly lost back then. Like many things with Dad, there was no true passion, no real enthusiasm for it, everything always felt like a status obligation. Like he was doing it for the benefit of the neighbours rather than his family, his kids. It was always a case of ‘competing with the Jone’s’.
I think the most awesome NYEve l did see in truth was the night of 1999/2000 the arrival of the magical millenium, not being romantic just honest. Everyone was petrified of that new date moving in and so it looked like every single person in the village of Market Deeping where l lived in Lincolnshire decided that that night was the last time they would be alive and so best celebrate by filling the sky with light, and they did, for a full 7 minutes l saw no black sky at all at midnight!!
It was almost as if that night in England set a new precedent, for ever since the arrival of the millenium, it seems at every opportunity fireworks are released into the night skies now to celebrate birthdays, Valentine’s, pirates day, when a new child is born, when Grandma farts and of course that too l think takes not just the piss but the little magic left of fireworks. No longer is the fascination and awe present. Most new kids these days don’t fully understand the moment of holding a sparkler and watching the beauty of it. I heard a few years ago, a child of ten ask what it did and was it compatible with his iPad??
Maybe l am just becoming more of an old fart.
I hope this year is kinder to me, to us all. I hope Suze finds another job that is more befitting to her abilities, and that l have Scrappy for as long as l have her beautiful friendship in my life for as long as we are able to share it. She is an old dog now, very limpy and lumpy, but she still has spirit, lives a good life and is loved and secure in her lifestyle. I hope that Suze and l can get through the year, no, we are good, l have worries of course, but we are good as a couple, as a team and as friends. But as a family we need a bit more joy in our lives.
I hope that the Estate business is not too taxing and that everything goes swimmingly, and that my Sister doesn’t cause too many frictions, as l am struggling with keeping a depression at bay. I hope that my shoulder and neck are fixed soon, as l just want to sob with this pain at times. Everything is so stressful with my physical inability at present.
I attended my x-ray yesterday and very different images were taken which meant twisting my neck and shoulder into very awkward positions and l am now just in sheer agony, so l hope surgery is soon and successful, now that l know they are going in through the top of the shoulder.I have another MRI on the 5th January also to look forward to.
It was said that l may not be able to write for several months after the op, which disheartened me quite a bit as my left handed finger typing is terrible and lord knows what l will do with myself.
But l do so hope that l can get Dad’s bloody house emptied and on the market before l go into surgery, because now my lazy Sister is using ‘depression’ as a get out of doing shit clause! She is apparently in a dark place, and my suggestion of turning on the lights was not well received. Yes l am sure she is upset. I only lost a Father who didn’t like his Son that much, but blimey, she lost a walking talking pocket wallet – the stress must be killing her!!
Happy New Year folks, let’s us all make 2019 absolutely ace!