Dear Blog … 13.15 – 18/12/18


A Daddy Pushed Too Far!

One of the golden rules of archaeology and if not that then perhaps heavy construction is this … you dig long enough, you’ll strike gold!

Last night, l did dig and finally struck oil! A GIG of documentation from my Father’s computer, 1000 Megabyte of letters, short stories and tales, manuscripts and self published books, never mind a plethora of assorted other data feeds.

When my Father died, l began a quest almost similiar to the search for the Holy Grail, a journey to try and understand more of the inner complexity of who he was, and slowly since October through reading his financial life with his figures, leafing through his written life of stories and memoir stories l have found answers to questions l have had over the last twenty years or so.

Why DID he stop dead in his tracks? What prompted him to not move on? Why was there so much favourtism towards my Sister? Did she have some kind of hold on him? Who was he after the divorce from my Mother? What was it about his relationship with Jeanne that was so special? Why was he always so secretive about things? There were many other questions, too many to list here.

I knew Dad from when l was growing up with him, and l then knew of him after a certain period of time, then l stopped knowing him, and what was a small fissure between Father and Son, became a crack that developed into a chasm that ended up being a bloody great ravine! Why? I didn’t do anything to further cause this, l know that, l had no guilt, did he?

Yes he did, and who was the main manipulator to all of this? You guessed right – my Sister. In a nutshell she wanted him and his money all for herself, and he like a lamb being drawn to slaughter allowed his daughter to run his life and why? Because of one of the most deadliest weapons ever manufactured by people to use against parents and grandparents – children. That is not me being overly callous, just honest. My Sister was not and is not the only person or Mother who has used her children to get what she wanted from a parent or grandparent. I have seen Suze’s Daughter and her Son manipulate their Mother by using their children as an emotional weapon.

Complexity doesn’t even come remotely close as a description to describing my dysfunctional family. As l have said before as much as they ostracised me from them, l was not overly upset at removing myself voluntarily from their line of sight. It was easier than having to put up with even more years of hostility and warring between families. So okay, they considered me odd, quirky and strange, well then fine, let them think that way, at least l wasn’t trying to skull fuck anyone emotionally or mentally.

I am no saint, but l am far from being the devil incarnate. But my Sister l believe was and to a certain degree still is the Sister of Damien from the Omen! If l thought my Dad was bad when younger, well all l can say is she is so his daughter, it’s beyond frightening. She learned from the best l guess, and sadly the best was fast becoming bested by his own offspring.

However, in 2015, the worm turned. He had had enough of her demands of his time, his finances and his very soul and had begun to see her, his daughter for the person she really was.

My Sister has been lying to me since we first began our ‘renewed’ conversations’ from May of this year. Not just little lies either but huge, huge, humungous whoppers! She thinks me a Muppet. Well l am not a puppet, and as geeky as l may well be, l now have all the black and white data to support my fears and opinions and thoughts about who she was. Last night’s discovery confirmed everything l had thought about, and the questions l had for many years have finally been answered.

She has picked a war with the wrong Brother, is all l can say. Whilst this discovery doesn’t let my Father off the hook for certain issues, l cannot find myself criticising why he did what he did with regards his grandchildren and his daughter – he was not just my Father but was my Sister’s as well He tried to help, and she basically took the piss.  Sadly, because he was lonely he allowed her to run with a lot of damage, and also because they had both caused myself a lot of harm in the last twenty years, and he suddenly came to realise that perhaps too late, and instead of building bridges when he could have and l can see wanted to, my Sister’s greed stepped in and fuelled the rift further.

That’s fine, these things are the past’ish, it is what lies ahead that now will be brought to the front line. I hope she is prepared for the battle she created. Because l already was, but with last night’s discovery and confirmation of thought, l now totally am.

She took advantage of my Father, she’ll not take any more ground from me. We are only related by blood, that doesn’t make us friends.

Dear Blog ……

8 thoughts on “Dear Blog … 13.15 – 18/12/18

        1. It will be sorted, sadly however due to other people, it will not be pleasant. I had rather thought my Sister and l may have had the chance of having a friendship at the end of all this … l started to lose that dream within a few days at the beginning, now l see it will never happen ever.

  1. Oh dear… sounds bad……I just finished posting Dickens A Christmas Carol as Applied to Modern Life, and touch on The Family Dynamics of Christmas….it is towards the end of the post if you don’t wish to wade through 5000 words, (most of them Dickens). I hope it gets sorted out soon and you find some peace.

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