Dear Blog … 00.41 – 10/12/18

Daddy Darling,

I am tired today, l can’t remember being this kind of tired for a long time, l am achy and drained.  I spent three hours yesterday morning writing a ten page letter to my Sister Jenny, it is a very precise letter that has been both emailed to her and posted so she has a hard copy, and cannot under any circumstance tell me she doesn’t know what needs to be done.

In this letter l outlined many things to her, but principally it was a strategy for what needs to be done with regards our father’s house. To me it’s pretty straight forward common sense, but maybe l am without sentimentality as she says, l know not. I just know that if we are to have this house ready for the sales market in January 2019 we need to get cracking. Since my Father’s death, she has been inside his property 15 times. I have been inside twice. I live 100 miles away and cannot get there weekly, she lives forty miles away and can get there easily.

She works full time and has one day off a week, and l do not deny she works long hours, nor that she has other commitments to her life. I have communicated to her every day via Facebook, as trying to ring her results in no answer. Of all my communications, l have always helped her with what needs to be done.

We agreed in the week following our Father’s death that we needed to have the house stripped down ready to be placed as an empty property into the market in January 2019. I offered numerous times to go up there, so that the pair of us could work as a team and get things done quickly. She has never made herself available. Even when l have been there and over the times of her days off, not once did she ever take the time to come and join me. She was content to just have me do everything.

We had an agreement that because she was there during my father’s end days, that l would be doing more of the clearance, despite my distance away from the property, but we also agreed that no one sibling would be dealing with everything by themselves. That as joint executors, we would help each other.

Of the two occasions, three if you include Saturday, l have been there for a total of six days by myself [apart from yesterday with Suze] – in that time l have managed to clear out many many things, but my Father was a hoarder and a collector, he wasn’t very clean, and for the main he had lost interest in many things. So clearing a house of the size it is a very tiring job. He has close to 4500 books, soft toys aplenty, stamps, photo albums, and hundreds of clothes never worn. One healthy person by themselves not sleeping could probably clear the entire house in about three weeks.

However, l am currently not healthy, l have a pinched nerve in my neck, a buggered shoulder and l have been quite ill with pain for the last few months. When l am there l have to find energy reserves l don’t have and work with them.

I don’t need an abundance of thanks, but at times it is appreciated to be told you have done a good job, l, am no different on that level to many people. However, not once has my sister ever said, ‘Thanks for doing this.’ not once, and trust me it does irk at times.

My Sister likes to think she knows everything and is in many ways just a smaller version of my Father – very judgemental and expects others to do stuff for her. She had been bailed out continuously by my Father over the last twenty years and is now struggling financially with him gone. There is no one left to answer to her when she picks up the phone and says “Daddy Darling.”

Yesterday’s letter had to outline to her in a polite but stern manner, things about probate, about how the administration works with that, and where we are on the ladder – things she should know because she is supposed to be handling probate … or not.

Maybe l am being unduly unfair on her, she seems to think so, but l am really tired, and l am not getting any relaxation time from this … but l am now tiring of doing everything. so a firm strategy had to be drawn up. This is the third time l have drawn up this list, however this is the first time l have not messaged it to her via FB but chosen other methods of delivery.

It is also the first time that l have seriously blown up at her. The jobs below are not just for her, it is the remaining tasks needed to be done to have an empty property at the end. The original list of to do jobs was much longer but each time l visit the list gets shorter. Things in orange are the things she said she would do in October. She was supposed to turn the car over weekly, she was supposed to remove the photo albums. There are many smaller jobs that someone could do like Jenny who is in the house frequently, and has limited time, and l have very deliberately written this final list with a view on her not having to do everything or time consuming jobs, but just to offer help. The ‘which l know you have in hand’ is with reference to the house clearance guy who has been supposedly coming to provide a quote for three weeks now.

1] The Utility Room and outside in Hall


A] The Photo Albums need to be removed by you and taken home with you.

B] The Stamp Albums need to be moved to a warmer part of the house**

C] There are numerous chests of drawers in that room that need to be emptied. They contain many assorted things, that can either be dumped, used personally or sold on. Some of the chests hold negatives and photos if you are wanting these as well, take or destroy, up to you.

D] There was clothing in the washing machine, unsure what it is or who it belongs to, l am guessing Dad, if so that needs to be dumped.


E] Content to be sold needs to be boxed up.

F] The room needs to only have furniture inside it awaiting collection.

G] Furniture needs to be valued [Which l know you have in hand]

H] Incontinence pads Pads need to be sold on and moved out.

I] All unbranded Cassettes and Videos needs to be taken to tip, unless you want any.

J] Bookshelf books have been valued, but shelf to be valued for sale, not contents. Books will need to be boxed up and moved to auctioneers.


2] The Kitchen

A] All crockery, cutlery, glassware needs to be boxed awaiting buyer collection if needs be, charitable donation or destruction to the tip.

B] The Photo Albums need to be removed by you and taken home with you.

C] All cupboards need to be emptied and boxed or donated to charity or disposed of.

D] Ornaments need to be sold, donated, kept or destroyed.

E] Basic drink making basics need to be kept, as do overnight stay basics like toaster etc.

F] Ornaments that are to be gifted need to be gifted.

G] Furniture needs to be valued [Which l know you have in hand]

H] Giant bags of Medicines need to be returned.

3] The Bathroom/Toilet

A] Anything not wishing to be kept needs to be destroyed or kept on as basic cleaning.

4] The Green Room


A] The Jaguar magazines do have a buyers’ market value, the right person can see the value to collectors to be sourced or one of us can attempt it, or a decision is made to destroy or donate. Estimated eBay value £100+

B] Books will need to either be collected by buyers, or auctioneers. The auctioneers MAY collect items, but there will be a charge in which case we will need to have running costs to cover this. Failing that, we will have to take the books down to the auctioneers***

C] There is some furniture in here that needs to dumped at tip as it is broken.

D] Once books gone, shelving to be taken down.


5] The Loungeroom


A] Television needs to be removed, you said you wanted this, l suggest you take it with you.

B] Ornaments need to be boxed up, with view to sell, kept, donated or gifted.

C] Stereo, DVD recorder, Video recorder needs to be sold.

D] Furniture needs to be valued [Which l know you have in hand]

E] Framed pictures need to be valued, sold, donated, kept or gifted. [Mum’s friend Carol would like a framed picture of tigers please]

F] Recliner needs to be photographed and advertised for sale – l suggest £900 ONSO

G] Videos on fireplace need to either be sold, donated, gifted or destroyed

H] Crested shields/Military hats need to be valued by Auctioneers and sold in auction.

I] Next to recliner are personal photos of you and kids, they need to go home with you. Also there are the two framed cannon balls for sale, you said you had someone.

J] All soft toys need to be sold, donated to children’s charity, gifted, or kept.

K] Sinatra Drawing needs to be valued by Auctioneers unless you wish to keep.

L] Framed drawing of Dad needs to be taken home with you or posted to his Sister.


6] Master Bedroom

A] Suze and l removed the main bulk of clothing yesterday, and packed much of it into plastic sacks and the suitcases. The suitcases had mould inside and will be dumped and the clothing will be donated to homeless shelter as discussed.

B] The linen underneath dresser needs to be donated to charity.

C] The bagged curtains/chair covers beside wardrobe need to be either sold, donated or dumped.

D] Furniture needs to be valued [Which l know you have in hand]

E] Inside wardrobe, the following needs to be awarded to charity [Leatherhead Salvation Army] Suits, trousers, belts and shoes.

F] Many of dad’s shoes were mouldy and were dumped.

G] Newly placed black bags of rubbish to be binned or taken to tip.

H] Wire hangers/Brief cases to be taken to tip.

I] Plastic ware, kept, sold or dumped.

J ] The Photo Albums need to be removed by you and taken home with you.

7] Small bedroom


A] Furniture needs to be valued [Which l know you have in hand]

B] Shelving needs to be dismantled

C] Books have been valued, however will await final figures to decide outcome, no rares within all reprints. Books will need to be boxed up and moved to auctioneers.

D] All ornaments moved to Loungeroom, bar black lamp.

8] Dining Room

A] Furniture needs to be valued [Which l know you have in hand]

B] Computer needs to be cleaned, reprogrammed and sold, l can do this, however you wanted to print off a copy of “A life lived to the Full” which is Dad’s unfinished autobiography. Right l have moved this to the desktop, you will have to make sure computer is connected to printer, and you will need to find some paper. Failing that as l should imagine his printer is as slow as his computer. You may find it easier to save to a memory stick, and get it printed elsewhere.

C] Medals are on the desk, take home with you.

D] Printer to be sold.

E] All books will have to be boxed up, and made ready for collection or delivery to sellers either/or. This includes Wisden’s.

F] Matches maybe sold into Auction, but no true value there.

G] Music – right you have someone coming to value – fine – however some points.

ALL music is now is lower cupboards below book, this includes all vinyl, Branded CD’s and Cassettes. Now, your ‘valuer’, will do what most of them do and that is say, “Ach they are not worth much l will give you £x amount to take them off your hands.” This is a classic line, l know as l have used it. What they then do is proceed to take the time that many people do not wish to take, and list them for an online seller].

Dad’s CD’s and Cassettes are worth more than 10p each. Yes the market is flooded Jenny, but the Eastern block and Asian and American markets are the bigger buyers now. The average price of Dad’s cassettes is probably closer to 30p minimum, whilst each CD is worth minimum 70p to £2. This makes for a lot of money.

So if you would like to, or if you wish l can do it, up to you. There is a company called Ziffit that pays good money for CD’s and cassettes. All you need to do is swipe each bar code and it tells you the value. As said l am used to using this service and do have more time than you so can take the 3-4 hours needed to get the right value. I strongly advise against a valuer offering a price for the CD’s and cassettes.

Now Dad’s vinyl collection is worth some money, the 78’s not so much, but they have a retro following who are very keen to purchase British records in the States. The 45’s hold more value, but are not super rich, as Dad was a crooner collector and not a metal collector. Metal 45’s hold values like £50 – £400 per 45 records, dad doesn’t have those. So you NEED to be very aware of the value awarded to you.

As said l can next time there, open my account connect the phone and even with Dad’s slow connection spend the necessary time to get a better price for us on those items.

H] Ornaments are still in the dining room, but will need to be boxed up to sell, donate, gift or keep.

I] Cricket bats need to go to specialist auctions. The best specialist collector’s auction house near us is Ewbanks of Send, Woking who can come up this Thursday to you and give you a rough idea of values for the following:

Books, stamps, toys, military, cricket bats, and the what not’s and maybe even the jaguar magazines. That way we can get an idea of what we will have to pay should everything sell.

9] Shed/Garage

The shed needs to be cleared out and if any items in there are worth any money, sold, otherwise dumped.  The garden electrics need to be taken to the tip.

The garage has a number of goods inside which need to be taken to the tip.

You let the car sieze up???? The car is dead, Suze tried it yesterday and because it hasn’t been turned over it has stopped. It will need to be jump jacked. We had jump leads with us yesterday, however the person who last used it, drove it forwards in, so we couldn’t do anything. We need to know the mileage to configure its value for probate. But first manpower is needed to push it out from the garage, also the brakes may have seized. This needs to be done as quickly as we can.


There ‘s the list, still big, but much smaller than it originally was , and there are plenty of smaller tasks in that she could easily do. Hell, there are the jobs in there that should have been done already, like the medication. we have huge bags of medication that were supposed to be returned to the Hospital in the days following dad’s death.

However, her first response to my emailed copy of the letter is “You are asking too much of me, l work!!!”

What do you think?

Dear Blog ……

8 thoughts on “Dear Blog … 00.41 – 10/12/18

  1. I would ask her to highlight the tasks she can do and add the dates she will do them on. Whether it’s one job, ten or all of them, she needs to give you an idea of her expected input. Promising and not delivering is unacceptable. Even if she only committed to 2 hours a week or the equivalent of two half days a month and actually put some effort in during those hours a lot could be accomplished very quickly

    1. Hey Britchy, that’s exactly what l have done? I have said she is not expected to do everything on the list just what she feels comfortable doing, just to let me know what she can do and when she can do it, so l can tick it off the list, and suze and l next time up, will be able to concentrate on other things.

      But to respond as she has done, is just more of an emotional drain and strain.

        1. Yes precisely, no commitment at all – it’s getting tiring, if this was something else l would just throw it all in her court and say – fine sort it! But there are things we have to do in order to avoid huge taxes. If it comes down to it, l will ask Suze to drive me up and drop me off and l will just spend a week solid getting it sorted, but l am really tired, l keep harping on about it, but l am achy as fuck, that’s it simple.

          Every time l come back l am knackered, l can’t write, l am stressed, achy and walking like a demented hobbt who has been in the saddle all day. But l can’t turn my stress off either, so it’s all become pretty damning!

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