Dear Blog … 17.21 – 09/12/18


A Brother Pushed Too Far!

I have had to write off today as a productive blog day, this is my first actual post of the day as the previous three were post dateds from arriving home exceedingly late last night. I simply haven’t had the energy or motivation. This might be the only post of today, next to my Night Night Folks with a few shares thrown in, and start afresh tomorrow.

I am tired, knackered, stressed, really seriously achy and in pain, but above everything l am not just angry but livid! If any of you had been present yesterday in my Father’s house, you would have witnessed a rare event, especially from me. Notably, the volcanically charged blue volatility eruption.

At my own concession, whilst l carry stress day in and day out, l am a pretty placid chap. I prefer diplomacy over conflict. I will always try to do my uttermost in keeping the peace, l can usually talk people down, l can disarm the most volatile situations with a smile and a few carefully placed words, and l don’t often explode, because l then change into a completely different person.  Think Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, or if you prefer The Hulk – you really don’t wish to see me angry!

But it takes a lot to get me there these days, l tend to stay out of really stressful situations. I can tolerate more than most, and have a higher patience level than many others – but of course l do have a temper and when it hits that point of no return, l blow. The air doesn’t just turn blue, there is profanity involved that most people don’t even know exists! Of course what happens after this and during these events is one, it is totally draining and l have to turn sheer anger into adrenaline. Today as a result of yesterday’s explosion, l am knackered beyond simple explanation, and in a lot of really serious pain with my neck, shoulder and arm. the tablets are just not cutting it.

But l don’t stand alone, Suze is knackered and so too is Scrappy, we are currently a pissed off family. I am now a brother pushed too far.

Of course, you would have been blind to have not seen it arriving, the last week with everything going on, this series has seen me vent my frustrations, so why am l surprised that yesterday went the way it did?


We all set off yesterday for my Father’s house at 11am, and we made excellent time and arrived by 12.30pm, the day was going better than we expected it to, however that is where the good fortune ended, because then we stepped into Dad’s house! The last one in supposedly had been my Sister the previous Thursday and her dog!

The house was an absolute mess, in one room, there was a cat sick dried horribly onto the carpet which l had asked her to clean two weeks ago when Jacqui cat moved out. The cat dishes from back then had not been picked up or cleaned, washed – nothing. There were dishes in the sink, and of course nothing had been done. NOTHING! Worse than that, the one thing she said she had cleared was the precious photo albums and yet had they been removed??

No! So she had blatantly lied about that as well.

Suze and l worked our butts off yesterday for 9 hours in that house, it’s my second time in Dad’s of length since his death in October, and in those two visits, l am the only one that has made any progress out of my Sister and myself. Thank God for Suze’s help yesterday. The house is now more ready for progression, it is way cleaner, hoovered and the kitchen spotless. A far cry indeed from when we first walked in. But Suze and l are progressive people, we are tidy and we are clean. even Scrappy is cleaner than my Sister’s dog.

However, l couldn’t retain it any longer, my patience had run dry. I flipped out. Via Facebook, l messaged my Sister and these are the conversations…

My Sister wants to get a house clearance guy in …….

“This house isn’t ready for Jeff yet Jenny. Nothing seems to have moved since my last visit. If he comes in, he will take away more than we need to have moved, so l suggest that we need to get this house ready for an auction view first, and then what they don’t want, the rest is left to Jeff. This house needs to be more in a broken down and undressed state than it it. There are things still up on walls, everything will have to be boxed that is going to be sold, otherwise house clearance will come in, spend time doing everything and their charge will be the highest. So cancel Jeff, and l will organise for a thursday appointment for you and auctioneers first. You need to start pulling your socks up a bit more with regards this and not thinking it’s all going to sort itself out because it isn’t, there is a lot of work to be done here, and by not helping with anything the whole thing is going to take longer than it should!”

“Well I don’t know what you expected to be different Rory , I feel I can’t move or do anything without you agreeing first , as for dads vinyls I have someone coming in to value them so no need to take them I’ll email you the quote Jeff will take only what’s instructed when ready , I don’t think we should sell his medals, Jeff was merely coming to give a quote so I don’t think he needs to be cancelled he is also quoting on beds cupboards etc if he wishes to buy them , larger items etc which will aid clearing the flat.”

“You don’t have to have my permisson to take things off the wall Jenny, or box things up, or even just run the blessed hoover around the house, or stop your dog chewing everything she can get her teeth into. Suze and l are here to do the bloody clothing, something you should have done, the photo albums are NOT moved as you said they were. Why did you not clean up the cat sick? Why did you not clean the food bowls from two weeks ago, why is the sink filled with dirty dishes? What do you ACTUALLY do when you are here? You could have started to break down and box the cuttlery, crockery, glassware, you could have cleaned out stuff from the kitchen and thrown stuff away in the bins on site. Why did you not take the black bags in the bedroom to the bins, that was a month aho they have been sat there for all of what, a three minute walk to the community bin area? There are things here that you don’t need my permission for. we agreed to have this house empty by the end of this month, and l can tell you now it’s not going to happen! We need to get the figures in for probate.”

“May I also remind you Rory that I work full time , I have one day a week off and don’t have funds available to keep driving up there or pay anyone and I do have my own personal matters to deal with as well , dad only died 7 weeks ago , it is not as easy for me , I don’t care what the medals stood for they are dads and should be kept in the family , it’s not all about money , the house will be ready , once all the quotes are done and put in we can sell them when probate is ready , there is time Rory , black cloud or not I don’t quite understand why you are so driven to move it all now , it would be better to allocate days that we can do things together and get it done quicker than separate visits at least we can communicate properly , be on the same page , telling me I haven’t even moved things from under a sink is irritating at least , a week after his death you went in there and pulled the place apart , I am not asking us to drag our feet , but a little sentiment wouldn’t hurt you!!”

“Sentimentality? Medals? What the sweet bloody hell are you on about woman? We both agreed in October to do certain things, l offered to you six weeks ago that we should make time available to do this together – did l ever get a response?? No. Everything you have said you would do you have absolutely and utterly failed at! Rehome cat? Fail. Pay solicitor? Fail. Get house valuations in? Fail. Get clothing shifted? Fail. Remove your precious photo albums? FAIL! Help with breaking down house? Fail! Get house ready for market placement January 2019? Well golly jeepers, guess what Jenny? That’s a fricking fail as well!! 

“Now to this so called emotional sentimentality, you do realise that if Dad is watching this from above l can almost guarantee that he will be pretty pissed off as well! Because you have done sweet fuck all! Do not throw that crap at me, you are now really pushing me to my absolute limits!  If l make a promise, l keep that promise! If l say l will do something l will bloody well do it! We agreed to do things and so far, l am the only one pulling his sodding weight. Suze is helping and she is not even related to that man! I am fully aware you work, weeks ago, l said l would handle this if it was too difficult for you … emotionally. I can detach my emotions, but l will be honest, with Dad it’s  not a big detachment. And where was your emotional ‘Oh no, Daddy is dead?’ Emotion back then????”

“You are not emotionally strung, you are lazy. We have a fucking job to do and that is what needs to be done. We realistically cannot be here the same days because you work and l expected to do more. But l DID NOT expect to do everything, so take your sentiment and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine! You are pissed off because l have called you out. You are lazy, pure and simple as. But l am passed the stage of being diplomatic, polite and tolerant – patience is no longer a frigging word in my vocabularly! We said house on market 2019, then that is what is going to be done! If you want to work together – fine let’s make it next weekend?”

“l can’t l am working then! Did you forget l was there for Dad’s final days?” She said.

No, but what the hell has that got to with 7 weeks ago? If you need time to grieve, fine, then why don’t you just let me get on with it, because my grieving is done. If however you feel guilty for all the times you were not here, when he wanted to see you, well that is your bag not mine. I don’t have any guilt!”

“As to the fucking medals, have l in any our conversations here today or before brought them up? No, they are service medals, if you want them then keep then, l don’t want them nor need them. All l want is to get this house clear, so l don’t have to ask Suze to take time out of her time off at the weekend to come up here and clean someone else’s filthy house. I am sick to the back teeth of doing everything, so here is my advice to you and it’s pretty straight forward and simple, because you have NOW pushed me too far! I am going to write a strategy letter to you tomorrow, it will detail everything that needs to be done, that we both need to do. If you fuck me over one more time, if you think l am angry now in the written word, trust me you haven’t seen real true anger from your Brother before. If you ever throw sentimentality in my face again when you are being lazy, you will seriously regret it. Despite being angry l am still cutting you slack, but this is the very last time!!”

I didn’t have any more responses from her after that until this morning and it was this …

“Ok Rory put a strategy together, l guess there is nothing to hold onto now, he’s gone and maybe you’re right, delaying anything will not change that, sorry…..”

As far as l am concerned she has crossed the line now, the apology has fallen onto deaf ears, only her actions can make this good. I spent three hours writing up the damn letter this morning which has drained me of the energy l had left.

But hopefully she will now get the picture ……………..who knows.

Suze and l got back this morning at 12.45am, knackered, tired and sore. The books got valued yesterday, fine great, we came back with all the clothing to give to the homeless charity here, and good grief did we get a lot done yesterday! But there is absolute bucket loads to still get done.  So Jenny had best start getting her fingers pulled out.

20 thoughts on “Dear Blog … 17.21 – 09/12/18

    1. I am not too sure about that, l am in two minds to let her sort it and just walk away. The biggest problem with my Sister is that her father has always bailed her out of everything, and now she is coming to realise that he is dead and no longer with her. Now she has to start waking up and smelling the coffee. Whether she really has the message or not will be determined by her next actions.

        1. Well who knows, l haven’t got much energy anymore for her time wasting. I don’t think l have been as absolutely shattered as l have been today, it takes a lot to take me off my motivation stride.

          I think her comment yesterday regarding sentimentality really just angered me the most, especially when it was so false from her. She had no sentimentality for the cat who needed her help, who needed her affection – she didn’t care about that. Hell, l know Dad and l were not close, but l didn’t fleece him from here to Timbuktoo like she did. I would never throw an emotion into someone’s face because l was lazy. It just made me feel that everything l was doing was really for nothing.

          Not once has she even expressed any thanks for anything.

          So now, l am not just drained emotionally and personally but l am ready to simply snap at anything and everything.

          I am physically as sore as hell, l shouldn’t be doing the things l am doing, but l just want it done, but l really don’t want to be still doing this shit in three months.

        1. No, it sounds like a really tough one. I lost my dad in August. I’m going through some things as well but not the same as you. Wishing you all the best 🙂

        2. It really is, isn’t it. Loss is loss. sometimes it’s almost surprising how it touches you in ways you didn’t expect. Like days that you anticipate will be hard and then they’re not as much as you thought they’d be. But then a moment you never expected kind of overwhelms you. I was very touched by the story of Jacqui and am so happy there’s a good new home there. Thank you kindly.

  1. Rory, so sorry you had to go through this. I hope the situation will look better in the morning when you are not so tired. Peace, my friend!

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