Dear Blog … 12.09 – 05/12/18

All l want ………..

I think death and inheritance brings out the worst in some people, l have seen it with my Sister.

When my Father was ill, and he declared he was dying, my Sister and l at that point hadn’t shared more than a handful of messages and communication in 18 years. We discovered that it was our Father who had created the divide between us and my Sister reinforced that and was eager to lay the blame at his door.

Me, being a muggins thought Ok, although you may recall l had some reservations to the truth of this statement, but thought ok, maybe it is entiredly true and for reasons, only known to Dad he had caused this huge chasm of indifference and friction.

However, over the last few months, l have noticed faults with this theory. I don’t believe it, it’s that simple.

I now know, that once this inheritance thing is sorted l will not hear from my Sister until my Mother passes away … thankfully, my Mother is a lot more savvy and l have inherited her keen astuteness to certain things. Thanks Mum. You see what she has done, is award to her solicitors the entire legal matter – therefore my Sister and l will not be having to embrace in some kind of combative behaviour sorting out my Mother’s estate. Which is an absolute blessing, because my Father’s estate and my Sister combined are gifting me more stress than l actually need in addition to everything else going on in my life.

My Sister and my Father without a shadow of a doubt, l think were in cahoots together to allow this rift to become wider between siblings. I failed to understand why before, although l had a pretty good idea that it was tied up with money. Isn’t everything and all evil tied up with bloody currency of one sort or another?

So, my Sister tried everything she could to have me ousted from my family. In truth, she didn’t have to try that hard, l was already ostracised from my family because of ‘my mental deficiencies’ … my Asperger’s whilst awarded me the ability to see myself only fuelled further support to the concrete boots my family were keen to have me wear!

Out of sight, out of mind. Sounds bad, but in many ways, l was pleased to not have all the family in my presence all the time, some families are just not meant to be families. They are not meant to be friends either … simpler, they shouldn’t be anything.

Since my Father’s death, l have come to learn many things, much to the annoyance of my Sister. I always knew she lived out of my Father’s pocket, she only had to say ‘Daddy’ and he like a puppet would come running, he was unbelievably manipulated by her, but if he was fool enough to allow it to happen, then that was his lookout and not mine.

My Sister is ”handling”’ the probate, well that is what she boasts and so far all l have seen is a mess result in her so called proficiency on the subject. She didn’t handle the figures because she didn’t want to, and l am glad she didn’t, because this whole messy affair could still be going on next year if she had. But l did do the figures, and l am very ‘savvy’ on numbers, and so l was able to start them and finish them in a swift manner, and send them to the solicitors. I sent my analysis sheet, but didn’t send her a copy.

The figures were astonishing, and pretty damning to boot – my Father didn’t believe in showing equality of kind to his children, and because my Sister had two kids of her own, thus awarding him GrandFather status, he only wanted to spend time with her, and in so doing, lavished and showered her in gold!

Am l jealous? No, l knew he was doing it, because he was a GrandFather and her Father, and my Sister could never do any wrong. In his eyes she was considered ‘normal’ unlike his Son who was, well he had a Son, but we don’t talk about him, he’s strange you know!

When handling the financial paperwork I noticed that my Father between the years of 2005 – 2018 had gifted my Sister a total of nearly £250,000 – blimey! No Rory, blimey doesn’t even come close to the truth! Fucking hell is more appropriate. He paid for all sorts for her, and l do mean that – and some were a little confusing. He even paid for her to have plastic surgery!? She had a breast enlargement.

I hadn’t seen my Sister prior to the first time l saw her this year at the hospital where my Dad was in August since my Mother’s Mothers funeral in 2000.  So 18 years. in 2000, she was not Dolly Parton! However, August just gone, she was!

It was classed as corrective surgery because she had one breast smaller than the other and she had convinced my Father that no women had two boobs of different sizes. Now l do remember back in 2007 my Father had mentioned this, and l quaffed “Dad, everyone has that, men as well, they have one ball smaller than the other!”

But my Father defended his actions with the statement of “It was making her self conscious Rory. You wouldn’t understand about being different!” [Which l thought at the time was somewhat insulting but left it.] However, it was a small ‘proceedure’. Mm, well if my Sister’s bust is anything to go by, l would hate to see a large proceedure! But that ‘small’ proceedure cost him a staggering £18000!!??? That’s a salary for a year for some folk!

However as l went through the figures for probate alone, which is only 7 years worth and submitted them. I then became curious of my Father’s bank statements and went through them all till the year 2000. I wish l hadn’t. As they say, curiosity killed the cat.

Since 2015 however, my Sister had enjoyed of that incredible 250k figure £100K.

Right, so why am l saying all this? Because of the ‘All l Want…’ title of this post.

My Sister recently has made several demands of the estate, with statement of “Rory, you are being unfair in your demands of me, it’s not that l am asking for much you know!!”

My Sister wants all 200 photo albums and she now wants the unfinished autobiography of my Late Father. which is fine, but she refuses to allow me to simply email her, no, she wants it printed off – so she can read it?’ I am astounded at that as she never read any of his other books and she considered them boring.

She is upset at me, because l said she can have that, but she can buy the printing paper.

My Sister is angry at me because there is a clause in the Will that states l can have the first £45,000 tax free as and l state, ‘To show balance to my Son’, my Sister believes this is unjust. My Sister went into full defence mode when l was doing the paperwork for the probate and tried to tell me all sorts of things, but she really must think me stupid.

Don’t get me wrong folks, l am not jealous, dumbfounded yes at the sheer amount of money she has had since 2000. But to place this all into perspective. In those 18 years, my Father let me have £8764 and l was grateful for every penny and offered to pay him back, but he said no, no need. He even added ‘You are getting no more than your Sister has ever had.” I think this is verification, to how they both felt about me, that l was obviously completely stupid.

Her argument with me not being fair is about me requesting that she buys the paper to print off the 199 pages of the unfinished autobiography and NOT charge it to the estate! I will be jolly glad when this is over, because truth be known, l don’t really want to have a friendship with my Sister. I don’t think l like her very much.

Dear Blog ……



19 thoughts on “Dear Blog … 12.09 – 05/12/18

  1. Oh my! I can relate but on a much smaller scale. My parents were poor but what they left, I believe went mostly to one sibling. I walked away with $1,000 and $200 worth of saleable machine parts. I worked in that shop and ordered those parts. My siblings claim the more valuable parts had been stolen. Oh and yes mine too took all the photo albums. Sorry you’re going through all this. Hope blogging helps with the tension.

    1. Hey Lisa,

      I was talking to someone yesterday, who said that whilst not a defence for my siblings strange behaviour concerning the albums, but it is apparently recognised as some kind of disorder assosicuated with grief. Personally not heard of it ever, but there rae all sorts of things that now carry some disorder tag and label.

      I think it’s pure and simple greed and because she has been used to a certain lifestyle when Dad was alive, she expects a certain style even in his death. Each to their own, l guess.

      she got the albums in a secret pact made with our father before he died she says, well let’s be honest, anyone can talk of those pacts when of the agreers is dead. So l have no say in the matter, and l don’t have the energy or motivation to contest it, she wants them, she can have them.

      I got his stories, which is worth more to me that 50,000 photos of captured moments.

      Now that he has gone, l feel my Sister is really going to struggle and is going to finally find out what the real world is all about, unless she finds herself a new benefactor. Sounds terrible, l know, but l do wonder how she is going to cope.

      1. That is interesting but I think mine took them because I’m much younger. She swore to make copies of the photos and recipes. 12 years and waiting. My other sister pointed out that our eldest sister too had some work done. She must share in your sister’s self esteem issues. Anyway, I cut myself off from all of them when I realized all they know how to do is judge me.

        1. Which is the same for me now. My Sister and my Father were extremely good at judging others and never thinking once about how they might appear. Once this business is settled, l’ll have nothing to do with my Sister and it’ll be a mutual decision from her side as well l feel.

  2. A recent, but somewhat distant relative passing really brought this inheritance issue to light for me. The poor woman wasn’t even gone yet, and the siblings were squabbling over every little thing (not just money, but who she spent time with and whatnot). Though some of them were more humble in their demands, it doesn’t make it right. Kudos to you for trying to keep a level head and realizing it’s better for you mentally to let some of it/ her go. I am just learning that just because their family, doesn’t mean we owe them our company.

  3. “some families are just not meant to be families. They are not meant to be friends either … simpler, they shouldn’t be anything.” That statement is so true – the best thing for you is to wrap it up as soon as possible so as to not have any more contact. I have no experience with this inheritance thing, but can the lawyer do anything to help out…..even if you had to pay him more?

    1. I rang the solicitor pretty early on in the game and told him, that despite my Sister handling the probate, we were joint executors however we were not loving siblings and l would like to be included on all email correspondence as l knew she wouldn’t communicate anything to me which has proved correct. I have established a good rapport with him, and in truth l think he finds me the ideal one to actually talk to given all of her blunders to date.

      Can he do anything, even at extra cost – sadly not. Having said that, l have incurred extra costs because l handled parts of the probate the way they should be handled and not how she might do them, or not do them, and of course this has caused her wrath to show itself.

      I am the elder of the two of us, but she is the spoilt brat side who likes to think she knows everything when it has become abundantly clear she knows very little.

      As soon as the house is on the market, our communications will become a lot slimmer thankfully.

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