The stresses begin …
Started my new tablets the other day, they are quite effective in slowing me down somewhat and keeping the pain to a minimum, certainly make me tireder of the evenings and so much so that for the last couple of nights l haven’t had the energy to write out a complete Night All post, so if you had wondered where they went to, it is only me falling asleep too early and then waking up too groggy to do anything effectively. So l will be shifting the time l write those posts again to an afternoon, because come 9pm, l am shot!
Had a horrific row with Suze this morning, which doesn’t help anything else going on in the current situation. We made up of course we always do, but the argument was over Scrappy.
Tomorrow night l am going up to my Father’s property for the night and then returning back the next night. Finally l managed to get some solid answers from my Sister, and l shall be joining her on the Thursday jaunt over to see the humanatarian with regards my Father’s funeral arrangements, eulogy and clothing to sort.
If l was going to be staying at my Father’s for more than one night then l would take Scrappy with me, and that will occur later on l should imagine, but for a one nighter it is better and more logical to leave Scrappy here. Suze works long hours and was worried about her being left on her own, and l answered that – l didn’t like it anymore than she did, but my Sister would probably have her own dog there and that as lovely as it is, is still smaller, younger and more yappier than Scrappy could ever be, and l don’t want a dog fight on my hands when l don’t have the greatest of strength in my right arm. That the neighbours would be able to check on Scrappy during the course of Thursday when Suze is at work.
But the stresses of everything are starting to creep in.
Ironically l said to Dodge last Tuesday on our walk that all the shit would hit the fan all at once and that technically has happened.
My Father died on Thursday, his funeral is on the 12th November, and Suze will depart for Australia on the 8th November, so she is feeling guilty about that. I keep telling her she shouldn’t, that is just one of those things, but she is stressed about that, because she is stressed about me, the travel and of course the lion’s den at the other end on the day of the funeral itself. More so we are both stressed because a taxi is a huge 120 quid expenditure for what turns out to be a half hour service. He is my Father and so l must attend, but l will only be attending the funeral and not the wake. So Scrappy will be fine for a few hours with the neighbours popping in every couple of hours or so.
But also, l can almost see it coming, that in addition to the funeral, Suze in Australia and all the administrations of an estate needing sorting, that there is a distinct possibility that my shoulder appointment may come up, and that could really throw a serious spanner in the works.
I know Suze is stressed and for good reason, she is the one driving me up and down, and that is going to cause her a frustration level. She is already tired from her job, stressed with everything and is now carrying a guilt trip with her because she will be in Oz, it is irrelevant l tell her it is what it is, we cross each bridge as and when.
My logic here, is that l need to go tomorrow night, so at least l have a key and more importantly to remind my Sister that she does have a Brother that can help, that she doesn’t need to do all of this on her own.
The argument centred around the fact that Suze assumed wrongly that my Sister and l had sorted this out last night after hours of text communication, and that wasn’t the case, l wrote mostly and my Sister answered. In total l got perhaps 15 words over the space of five minutes. It wasn’t even definite until this morning, when l opened Facebook and found a message from her in there.
I keep having to remind Suze that l don’t particularly wish to be away, but given the distance from us to my Father’s house which is a 100 miles, it is not practical to keep driving up and down. But there will come a time, when my Sister will not be in the house with her own dog, and then l can sort things out and will be able to stay longer to do so, and Scrappy can be with me. But also, this is important, because not beating around the bush, there is an inheritance here, and l must ensure that my Sister doesn’t go into everything with a sledgehammer and make matters administratively worse than it needs to be because she doesn’t understand probate. Meaning, l am doing this because l wish to safeguard my own/our financial security, and that is important.
I get it all, even when people think l don’t, l take on board Suze’s needs, Scrappy’s needs, my Sisters needs but also my own needs, and if that means that l must take on board the stress now in addition to my own stresses as well as everyone elses, then l need to do that, it’s going to get a lot rougher before the seas are calm again l feel.