Dear Blog … 15.41 – 18/10/18



How did you find out that your …

… Father died today? Well it’s strange you should say that, but l was chatting with my Sister in Facebook, and she told me at 15.06 that my Father had stopped breathing, and that medical crew were checking his breathing. I asked if l should call her, no l will let you know she said at 15.08.

But l found out from my Mother at 15.29 because my Sister couldn’t simply tell me in that text that my Father had passed as she didn’t have the time, but had the time to ring my Mother and ask her to tell me?

Now my Sister has swung into action, to ‘take control’ of the situation, instead of there being any joint discussions about anything.

How did l find out that my Father died today?

“Oh my Mother rang and said your Dad is dead and your Sister is too busy to tell you herself, take care now, speak later, give my love to Suzanne and Scrappy, bye.”

Months ago, l asked myself the question of how l felt about my father dying, l didn’t know the answer. Months later, my Father has just died and how do l find out? Through a non personal phone call. It is no less surreal today than it was two days ago.

How do l feel? I still don’t know.

Dear Blog ……

17 thoughts on “Dear Blog … 15.41 – 18/10/18

  1. My condolences.

    If it helps in any way, I still don’t know how I feel about my father dying, and he died 6 years ago. We’d been estranged for over a decade. I found out about his death a month after he died in a letter from my mother (from who I am also estranged) sent to someone else to give to me. In that letter she wished me a happy birthday (because it was sent around the time of my birthday) and then told me my father had died. Yes, it was very jarring that she said it that way, but typical of her. She only messaged me because she wanted to use me to get his inheritance.

    The weeks which will follow will most likely be too chaotic to process how you feel – and all you may feel is numb. Things may get even more surreal. You may find yourself putting on an ‘I’m fine’ face to deal with everyone asking you how you are and how you’re feeling, and offering sympathy (just say thank you), because you’ll have to deal with them and how they are feeling – people are very awkward around the subject of death, and even more awkward around those who have recently had a loved one/family member die. People will want to talk about it and not talk about it simultaneously.

    You don’t have to feel anything until you’re ready to feel something. You don’t have to figure out how you feel until you’re ready to let yourself know how you feel by feeling it. There is no correct way to feel about your father’s death. There’s just your way, in your own time.

    Take good care of yourself.

    1. My Father and l were not close, it didn’t mean l didn’t love him, l did, in the way, the only way he allowed me to. he was just my Father, there was no huge funness in saying that. However the way l found out, or it was confirmed was more jarring, and even the complete lack of condolances from any of my family for my loss. He was still my Father.

      Thank you for your words here today 🙂

  2. I’m so sorry for you, Rory. I know that you will find in you the strength to forgive and to continue your journey positively. It is a necessity if you want to find that peace that you and Suze need and deserve. Stay strong.

    1. Hey Lady D, yes they say that don’t they 🙂

      Keep well 🙂

      I saw your post earlier, l will check that out later 🙂

      Colour is a great remedy for sadness 🙂

      1. Yes, there is indeed a link between the colour and the emotions, but also with the sounds even if this link is not quite the same as believed by Aristotle and Newton. Is Suze with you right now? Or is she already gone to Australia? I do not like the idea that you’re alone right now.

        1. Suze doesn’t depart for Oz till the 8th. It looks like it’s all going to be rathe r tight now. Hopefully funeral will be before she goes. Life always happens in these clusters of three. Just received news today that l am to undergo shoulder surgery to try and repair the damage there and ease off the pressure on my neck, hopefully as much as that is sorely needed, that can be done after l can sort out the Will.

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