Clowning Around The Clown Within!
Someone asked me last week what l was in fear of, what scared me? One always put themselves into somewhat of a vulnerable position when asked of their biggest fears. I countered their question with what scared them, and they answered clowns. I couldn’t see the fear in this, but wasn’t going to judge, afterall l get why some people are terrified of clowns in the manner in which they are, it’s just that clowns don’t scare me, but what does? Three things have scared me throughout and they are:
Having my throat cut either by myself or by someone else.
Growing up into my Father
Fear of not being there, when l should be.
To some readers those three fears will not make much sense, but that is because they are reflective to me, and they are in essence very real fears and not induced by fantastical or horror filled possibilities and yet they are deep down horrors of mine.
During my breakdown, l often thought of slitting my throat from ear to ear and being done with this world. I was an active self harmer for many years and so the possibility of killing myself in this fashion could actually happen. I was so fearful of this that l had a collar made that l could wear about my neck, and when my stress was highest l would don the collar.
My Father terrified me a person when l was growing up, and l vowed l would NEVER be him, and yet there are many similarities to us both, not withstanding that we both have Asperger’s in one variation or another, but l have striven to be a better man and not repeat the errors and attrocities that he did towards people.
My biggest fear is perhaps fear itself, and most notably not being there when needed for whoever and whatever, it may sound whimsical, but it is demon filled and conflictive to my very inner being.
But clowns never got through me … l didn’t like them enough to be scared of them and so l just ignored their peculiar painted faces and supposedly high jinxsome frolics. It is said the reason we are scared of clowns is because the darker side of their personality resides within ourselves also, and the reason we are terrified is because we do not like to look at ourselves in that manner. Who knows?
But when l think of clowns l think of the original clowns and these being court jesters in the castles of Kings who were there to amuse. Modern clowns are mostly associated with circuses and of course they are always looking sad, is this perhaps the darker side we fear? I mean clowns are to represent our inner uninhibited nature, the pesky side in nice terms, or in naughty terms the mischevious side or in the dark side of things – the evil side.
There are three main types of clowns Auguste, Tramp and Whiteface and of course there are the Evil/Killer clowns although the latter is not a real catagory, but one that has been created to induce not just fear, but nail biting terror!
The Evil Killer Clown
If anyone is ever going to be scared of clowns, then l guess it’s the Evil Killer clowns that incite the purest of all terrors. I mean these are just mean looking and designed to scare the living crap out of you.
A fear of clowns known as Coulrophobia is a genuinely recognised fear that basically means a persistent and irrational fear of clowns and it is like other phobias for those affected with symptoms of sweating, nausea, anxiety, panic attacks and stress, crying and screaming and of terror at being in the very presence of a clown.
Society has travelled from seeing them as a form of innocent fun and entertainment to heart stopping horror! It has become a sinister and disturbing phenomena that sweeps the streets of several countries now in what is known as the Killer Clown Craze.
Of course books and films haven’t helped allay fears for many, we only have to think of Stephen King’s It – which terrified many of us …………………
…………………. Or even Fear of Clowns 2004
How about Clownhouse 2003?
And of course the Killjoy series ….. Killjoy 2000
The problem is there is NO such thing as an innocent clown – l mean think about Gacy? Although he never killed anyone in his clown costume, it is still enough to give you the heebies!
It’s the mask that hides the person beneath, it hides the emotion and whilst there is no proof that the person behind the mask is a creepy crazed killer, there is also no way of knowing, therefore – the clown becomes the unknown! The clown is the personification of not just fear but potentially evil, like IT’s Pennywise The Dancing Clown – which in turns instils the deepest of terrors into the children of Derry, Maine.
But also let’s us not forget the likes of Batman’s The joker … he is also a clown.
The clown was never originally intended to be meant as childhood entertainment it just naturally evolved over time to become seen as a fun figure, l mean if all children were terrified of clowns then McDonald’s might have a serious problem on their hands with future marketing!
I think not too far in the future from where l write today, clowns will stop being used, there is a danger seen within and especially more so by modern parenting, that they are not at all funny, and if anything there is a hidden deviousness to them and yet in truth, the original clown as l suggested above has always had a dark side to it, as indeed do we.
So? What’s your personal take on clowns?