50+ First Dates Didn’t Prepare Me for …
… dating at 50!
When l was younger, and before l was married which was in 1994, l lived an extremely care free life, l was a bachelor, living by myself, working all the hours free and partying hard. I did things or as the saying goes ‘l did shit’, l was hard core at some of the shit as well, and l enjoyed every single second of every single minute and blah blah.
I was quirky for sure and l used it to my advantage, you see there is nothing wrong with being different as long as you are okay with the fact that you are. I didn’t know about the spectrum and why should l have? I don’t worry about the spectrum now, and in truth the only time l worried about the spectrum of autism, was when l was diagnosed in 2008 with my Asperger’s.
Back then it wasn’t a worry, it was a discovery, the opening of the can of worms and l took time out of my life to rediscover who l was, now those , well those were some worrying years as l was not just carrying that but a lot of other shit. 2009 – 2012 was in general terms an awakening period for me. It wasn’t the first l had undertaken, l had experienced these awakenings before, but not quite as profound as finally finding out, what the actual main quirk was.
Between the ages of 24 – 30, l was unbelievably promiscuous and an incorrigible flirt, l had confidence in certain areas spilling out of the confident areas. I wasn’t cocky and to many l was actually quite shy. You see l never saw myself as a flirt, just being friendly was all, and observant, noticing details that others missed and having a phenomenal memory and sense of recall. I still have that.
I went on so many dates it was looking back, quite impressive, and they weren’t all great, but the more you do the better you get! Some were horrific, some were brilliant, some l fell asleep on [literally] the tables in restaurants! But my confidence built up, and l became more successful at it, and of course it had a knock on effect as well, as that happens with confidence building.
I worked in the escort industry, and then the adult industry, l was either going to partys or raves and dancing from dusk to dawn, or escoirting women to dinner parties. I became infattuaed and obsessed with sex, so much so, that l did actually make sex a hobby. See, being on the spectrum you don’t just learn about a new interest, you REALLY have to know everything, like doing something to death. Except when you are finished, it’s never discarded, it’s just a learned knowledge, talent or skill that you can add to your mental résumé because obviously there is a moral limit as to what you can actually display on a hard copy version!
But then l got married, screwed over and then divorced, then in a relationship and screwed over and then l was diagnosed and then l started living my life with my two dogs Scrappy and Dora as a recluse living in a forty foot caravan in the middle of the Lincolnshire fens or better known as the middle of nowhere!
The other thing l lost horribly during the that last relationship and the following years through to 2012 was my confidence. My business with animals was lost in 2009 and that was the first blow, in 2008 my partner lied to me about being pregnant and apparently suffering a miscariage and l had so wanted children, but just before we split she said that the Asperger’s diagnosed the previous year made me a ‘retarded partner’ and she had lied about being pregnant and these were pretty serious blows to my confidence.
Three years of living in a forty foot caravan with really only my dogs and a new diagnosis and then to be subjected to a form of mental abuse and cruelty not forgetting a form of slavery knocked my confidence levels right down to nil. I hardly ever saw people, kept myself to myself, worked with horses and dogs and lived a very insular life in a bubble, and became very withdrawn into myself and l suppose in many ways took on the characteristics of a true hermit. When l escaped in in 2012 and started living by myself again with my dogs in a new environment, l was broken, and convinced l would never be a good partner to anyone, so gave up on trying.
During the caravan years l had tried online dating and was terrible at it, because l found it too difficult to navigate, found the sites full of liars and scallywags. I had one date in 2010 though, but she saw where l lived and l never saw her again. I had a small relationship in 2011 of three months and to my horror found l had been set up by my previous ‘girlfriend’ who was out for revenge and then l was humilated – it was that year l stopped trying.
So by December 2012, living in my new place, l decided l would NOT get involved again with women, and live the rest of my life as a bachelor.
I had been writing a book about my life and the arrival of my diagnosis called ‘Yesterday’s Adult, Tomorrow’s Child’ and it was a very dark, dark book, that did not make for very good reading … l never expected nor was looking for a relationship, and by no means was l in the slightest bit prepared for it!!
Or so l thought!