You can switch off and detach, but it doesn’t stop you thinking about something, have you noticed that?
I have not spoken to my Father since Sunday when he rang and demanded to know what l was doing about his phone – nothing so pleasant as asking how we were or whatever – just about the bloody phone. So l tried once more to explain to him why his phone wouldn’t work, for him to answer “You have always been a fool, you are speaking an alien language, speak to my friend Trevor!”
I was thinking who the hell is Trevor, when suddenly another voice came on the phone, and we went through the whole thing again, and l said “Listen l cannot do this from Kent.”
Fifteen minutes of once again explaining about the phone ‘politely’ l hasten to add to someone l didn’t know, for this chap to turn around and say “Your Dad is not bothered by the contract he is in, he can afford it, trust me l know.”
Well l was a little bit alarmed at that last comment and asked what he meant by that, he simply answered with “You are so confrontational l can see what the other’s mean now!” The call after that more or less concluded oh well apart from hearing that the phone l bought to help him, he has given away!
I am so tired of this, if l am apparently a horrible fat man to some, and now labelled confrontational, what else is my Father saying about me?
It doesn’t matter where l am, whatever my distance – irrelevant as to whether l am simply trying to help, l am stressed, so incredibly stressed by all this, that this matter and everything else on my plate is starting to actually affect me. It’s putting me off what l love doing and that’s writing. I find it hard to concentrate on writing long content at present when l am stressed about something l am trying not to think about and yet today l have spent two hours on phones talking to the NHS and continuing care company’s concerning placing a live in carer with my Father, who starts tomorrow and having to explain his particular behaviour style.
The tablets as you may have read in a cheeky poem last night are affecting everything but not specifically addressing the pain in my neck and shoulder. I am frequently having to go to the toilet, and l am forgetting things, not serious things, but absent mindedness.
It’s just becoming a little too much in truth. I am writing to keep myself hyperfocused and struggling with everything else, so the more stressed l get the more l write, but am frustrated that it’s putting me off my game, l am stroking out somewhat.