Dear Blog … 17.07 – 18/9/18

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Stroke out!

You can switch off and detach, but it doesn’t stop you thinking about something, have you noticed that?

I have not spoken to my Father since Sunday when he rang and demanded to know what l was doing about his phone – nothing so pleasant as asking how we were or whatever – just about the bloody phone. So l tried once more to explain to him why his phone wouldn’t work, for him to answer “You have always been a fool, you are speaking an alien language, speak to my friend Trevor!”

I was thinking who the hell is Trevor, when suddenly another voice came on the phone, and we went through the whole thing again, and l said “Listen l cannot do this from Kent.”

Fifteen minutes of once again explaining about the phone ‘politely’ l hasten to add to someone l didn’t know, for this chap to turn around and say “Your Dad is not bothered by the contract he is in, he can afford it, trust me l know.”

Well l was a little bit alarmed at that last comment and asked what he meant by that, he simply answered with “You are so confrontational l can see what the other’s mean now!” The call after that more or less concluded oh well apart from hearing that the phone l bought to help him, he has given away!

I am so tired of this, if l am apparently a horrible fat man to some, and now labelled confrontational, what else is my Father saying about me?

It doesn’t matter where l am, whatever my distance – irrelevant as to whether l am simply trying to help, l am stressed, so incredibly stressed by all this, that this matter and everything else on my plate is starting to actually affect me. It’s putting me off what l love doing and that’s writing. I find it hard to concentrate on writing long content at present when l am stressed about something l am trying not to think about and yet today l have spent two hours on phones talking to the NHS and continuing care company’s concerning placing a live in carer with my Father, who starts tomorrow and having to explain his particular behaviour style.

The tablets as you may have read in a cheeky poem last night are affecting everything but not specifically addressing the pain in my neck and shoulder. I am frequently having to go to the toilet, and l am forgetting things, not serious things, but absent mindedness.

It’s just becoming a little too much in truth. I am writing to keep myself hyperfocused and struggling with everything else, so the more stressed l get the more l write, but am frustrated that it’s putting me off my game, l am stroking out somewhat.

Dear Blog ……

14 thoughts on “Dear Blog … 17.07 – 18/9/18

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  1. Keep doing the things that give you pleasure. Write, even if it’s about silly stuff. Find some more things to put through the shredder. (Ben loves a YouTube site of balls, toys, all kinds of things being shredded)
    It’s difficult not to let the stress of a button-pusher like your father get to you. Just keep reminding yourself that you’ve done all you could.
    There’s a bunch of us here who’ve not actually met you, but adore you anyway. And Suze seems like a pretty smart lady and she’s still married to you, so you can’t be all bad.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Grandma, thank you. I know all the things l should be doing, but you will be able to relate to this because of Ben, but my mind when stressed speeds up, and now it’s doing close to 200mph though my brain. I am overspilling with stuff to do, quite literally on literature ironically and that’s good. Thank goodness for my own schedulers and it means l am never short of my own prompts so l am never short of things to write about. My creative brain is in a hurricane of its own which at times can be scary because of the stress and the overwhelmingness of it all, something else l am sure you can relate to 🙂

      It’s the tablets, they are slowing me down physically as well, and my brain always so fearful of being switched off fights against the mentalness of the tablets.

      I have put on a few pounds and that worries me because l can’t walk fast anymore. Scrappy cannot walk as far as her head thinks and the tablets slow me down there as well. I am normally a pretty active guy, not sporty, but l do stuff in the garden. Turning the compost which is a few ton by itself is a really good work out, but l can’t do that either. In fact l am pretty damn useless at present physically.

      I am fighting off a downer, l refuse to let that sit on me – no way that is not happening.

      But hey you are quite right, l do have my friends here, and they do cheer me up.

      Thank you GM

      JB 🙂

      Like

  2. Why don’t you turn your phone to silent? That way you’re in control of when you check it not when someone demands your attention. You can check it every five minutes or once a day – you choose how often. It doesn’t stop them calling but it gives you a measure of peace and gives you back the autonomy over your day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Britchy, well no one rings me on my mobile as mine is a retro brick phone, and l hardly receive a signal here which l am thank ful for, and also l never give my mobile out. They ring on my landline.

      I let it go to answerphone most times now in case it is my Father’s family wishing to have a pop at me like they did my Sister.

      The calls do annoy me, but and however, all l want is the silly sod to be looked after properly and by professional carers and not by overly protective friends who only think they are carers.

      My Sister works in paliative care and on a zero contract, so she can’t take calls during the day and only after 8pm when she gets back when most of these people have left for the day.

      hopefully, l will not be plagued by too much of this from now on.

      I think in truth the tablets are really doing the number on me and it is stressing me more than they should as they are not hitting the core of pain, you can relate to that l am sure 🙂

      But thank you all good and valid points 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hay Rory,
    If the pills aren’t working and stressing you out then just stop taking them, I’ve tried one of the strongest pain killers for my back and they didn’t work they just made me sick so I just take Exsedran when I really need something to take the edge off.
    As for silly and that mess I wouldn’t bother answering the phone accept if it’s the car-givers the rest of them could go rot in hell long before I’d answer the phone and talk with them.
    Take care Rory.

    ❤️✌️
    BY FOR NOW

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I actually agree with you Dawn, l have told Suze that l am going tablet free from this point on. I will await my new hospital appointment, but these tablets as well as all the others are just making me too poorly to continue taking them. I may not look forwards to the pain, but l look even less forwards to the side effects. I will take the pain.

      Also yes as well, I have taken that philosophy on board to boot regarding the other irksome annoyance in my life 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s so hard living with the misinformed judgement of others, and it is hard to let it go of completely. I think we can only try and have the voices of those who do love us talking the loudest in our minds. Take care, you do have lots of people on your side 😊 x

    Liked by 1 person

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