It’s All About M, Me, Me …
… and yet l have to ask, when has it not been?
Suze and l had been planning on visiting my Father the weekend we are currently on, and this had been arranged two weeks ago. However after the last week passed and my Father’s eloquent phrasing of ‘Get out of my life Rory!” last Wednesday. Of course l have dumbed it down slightly as it was a tad more explosively vehemently expressed during our phone call. Both Suze and my own attitude towards my Father’s venom, made us feel completely unworthy of his attention and left an extremely sour taste in our mouths and l had informed my Sister that we would not be attending him this weekend and if she was wise, she might consider performing the same.
However late Friday night, l received a message from my Father on the answer phone that had been left at 9pm and we realised we had missed his call from earlier in the evening. The message simply said “Wet wipes Now! You are coming tomorrow, l need wet wipes now!” I rang the carers and requested if they could take wet wipes to him the following day [these were for the fact that he had refused to wear the pads my Sister had bought for him on the previous Thursday and he had soiled himself] but they responded with they didn’t do shopping calls, l tried the District Nurse, and couldn’t get hold. I told my Sister and she wasn’t planning to go down, but said she would. I felt guilty and told myself this is your Father, visit him, he is dying. Told my Sister l would go, that l would simply double dose myself up on the new tablets and go.
Totally, totally bad move! It has now become one of the biggest regrets of my life and trust me when l say that IS saying something!
I had previously bought my Father a new mobile phone on the premise that his exact same model was broken. I Got the same one he already had, forward thinking slightly that the small screen and keys he had must be frustrating so got him the senior version of the Doro 1360 which was a slightly longer and wider phone that had a bigger screen and bigger keys therefore making it easier for him to handle. I too have the Doro series mobile, it has four main functions no Internet access and no silly apps. Except the newer version of this phone was pretty damn impressive, so much so that in a atypical credo of Victor Kiam, “I liked it so much l bought the company!“, well okay l didn’t buy the company but l did buy this newer version which has Bluetooth and a few other features that my slimline 1360 didn’t. A nice easy to use 2G phone that l thought my Father would appreciate and at a reasonable of cost of aroubnd £26, and we also got him the wet wipes.
I will not deny l was apprehensive about the travelling and the visit especially and more so in light of his previous comments which had – had a pretty damning effect on his Son. The journey up to Surrey was a nightmare as it was a Saturday. Roadworks on the M25 meant we had to take the M2 combined with a SatNav that must have been out the night before on a piss up, as she was determined to not let us get to our destination without at least three misguided directives to locations which were not too far short of complete and utter idiocy, never mind wasteful on time. The effects of a digital drunk were clearly present! Anyway 3 hours later we arrived after wet set off at 9am.
I am currently on a new supposedly brilliant nerve damage controlling tablet called Gabapentin Zentiva which l can now say are absolutely bloody useless. These are the so called new pain killers, well that’s rubbish even on their information sheet they are there to support painkillers not take the place as the sole hero! They are slow releasing and they failed in every respect – yes, yes l know give them time. Fine, but not as the total replacement surely? Because they don’t cut it. Simple, take it from a man in complete agony travelling three hours up from Kent to Surrey on a Saturday – day irrespective – any day travelling is bad.
They have affects on you, never mind upsetting your stomach because they do that, but they after about 2 hours after taking them, cause you to suddenly lapse into a dribbling slurry voided blurry eyed zombie who wouldn’t know the time of day if asked by a clock!
There was a funny moment not long before we arrived at his place, we stopped off as a service station for a pee and a quick bit of breakfast. I went into the men’s toilet, was the only one in there thank goodness, l was really groggy and started to do my business for a pee, and found myself looking at myself in a mirror! I was thinking this is a weird toilet, why do they have mirrors in front of the urinals? Thirty seconds in and l suddenly realised l was peeing into the sink!!! I was mortified and quickly changed places to the proper facility and when done completely washed the sink!
When we arrived at my Father’s he didn’t greet us, he didn’t say nice to see you, all he did was cuss and curse about everything – ok, fair do’s to that, l can understand that side to things ‘being ill’. But it didn’t stop there, he demanded to know if l had the new phone. So l said yes, l explained things to him, and he responded each time with anger towards me. I realised that his old phone wasn’t broken, that the problem was he had no signal. I explained to him that his house had always been problematic for signal and why did l get him a new phone if his wasn’t broken as he said?
“Don’t care what you do, just want a phone with a bloody signal! This phone is rubbish, useless, bit like you, once more l see you have failed me!” These are hard comments to take from a man who l know now has more lucidity than he makes out. He is in full strength lying mode. Everything is about him.
I ignored as best l could and walked both my phone and his new phone now all set up through the house and only found two locations which l already knew to be better locations for signal, but they were in the kicthen and the utility room. “Fine then we move the bed there, don’t care about anything, just my signal!”
I said “You know your landline is better for you as it always has a line out?”
“Don’t care, am ill, do it now!”
“Cannot move your bed to those rooms it is not practical!”
I explained to him about a booster maybe helping the signal, he looked at me like l was a fool and said that he wanted one of those today right now, we were not to leave till that was in place.
Suze works all week and she is tired, she has two days off a week and they are pretty packed, as l am a non driver, she takes me up to see him, but she doesn’t expect to be treated like some lackey by a man she doesn’t really like anyway, she tolerates him because of his rudeness and his behaviours because he is my Father. But she wasn’t in the house for long before he demanded that he wanted things done, we did point out that those things can be done by his care package carers but oh no to keep the peace, Suze then went out and had to face the damn roadworks we had spent 15 minutes in trying to get to him that morning to pick up tablets and some bits and pieces. as much as she hated it all, she was better than the position l was left in.
“I wish to speak to my Son!” he said as Suze left.
Did we speak? Oh yes he did when not looking at me with disgust.
He demanded that l appologise to his ‘best buddy’ who was upset because l shouted at him and what were we arguing about as it had upset him and he was ill and l mustn’t forget that! I explained that l was his Son and that if anyone had the right to stand up for his health it was his children and that is exactly what we were doing. That the argument was about a conflict of opinion, that his ‘best buddy’ was interfering with the health carers and his own health,which he responded with ‘“Don’t care appologise he is upset!” I declined and said “Well your Son was upset, you don’t seem bothered by that?” Which shut him up.
But did we talk?
No, carers came and went and l listened to his aggressiveness towards them and his rudeness, his lack of courtesy to anyone and so on. My Father is a lucky man who has now been awarded a live in carer and when l explained what that person would be able to help them with. He became angry and said his two best buddies who are not professionally trained can do a better job.
Suze came back and with no booster, and then we were fired! “You have failed me, you’re fired!” he said “Please go.”
Suze was shocked, l was aghast. One of his friends came in [who has never met me] and said “Oh Rory you are so much slimmer, you used to be so fat!”
“I have never been a weighty person actually, considering l have never met you how can you say such a thing?”
“Your Father told me you were a horrible fat man?”
Well that was it, Suze and l picked up our bits said goodbye, once more no thank you for coming up. as we were leaving and going out the front door, l heard his friend starting to speak to him. he said quite loudly “Shh don’t say anything yet, wait till they are gone for good.”
I am done with this, l had the most horrendous journey back, l was in agony, roadworks took us 4 hours to get back, we stayed for three hours. so Suze and l were out of the house for ten hours. Scrappy who had been baby sat by our neighbours was thrilled to see us, as we were her.
No more, no more bad treatment from a sperm donor to myself or my lovely partner. My Sister is visiting him today and l have wished her the very best of British luck as l feel she is going to need it.