Liam Ratcatcher! 1983 – 8


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Liam Ratcatcher! 1983

Part 8

Liam, despite his ability to neck down half of a cocktail bars contents, was NOT very good as a drunk and worse yet was his complete and utter inability to refrain from ‘sleepwalking’ and lying down next to me! During that night, countless times l had to get up and shift his zombiefied form back to his own bed, so much so, l finally gave up and simply went and slept in his bed at around 4am. However by the time l reawoke at around 7.30 the following morning, l found l couldn’t actually move due to his concrete form lying next to mind with his right leg on top of my side and his face and right arm snuggled into my head and his right arm around my waist!

“Gerroff!” I grunted as l tried to move out from his sleeping carcass, and so determined were my efforts that when trying to push myself away from him, l promptly fell onto the floor in an undignified heap with a yelp! Which caused him to stir .

“Oooh my head, the room’s spinning, l have gone blind, l can’t see, who has got my eyes?” A strange horribly windswept head appeared slowly and clumsily over the side of the bed and was looking down at me and squinting. “Snaggles what are you doing down there? Did you sleep by my bed all night? Why? Thank goodness, we don’t have anywhere to go today, l am whacked good and proper!”

“Yes good morning to as well Liam, l wish l could agree with that, because although l  too have only had marginal sleep due to a sleepwalking zombie, l am afraid to say you are totally and utterly wrong! Today is the first day of the rest of our holiday and we have to be packed and ready downstairs by ten for Kustov so we can begin the actual Dracula Tour itself. Seemingly it appears you have forgotten that eh?” I mumbled picking myself up off the floor.

“Nooooooo, that’s not TODAY is it? You have to have that wrong, it’s tomorrow, must be tomorrow, l am not fit enough to actually get dressed, l am ill!”

“Sorry my friend, but it IS today and you have precisely just above two hours to get your kit swagged up and made ready for decamp!” I said to him in a slightly raised voice so to ensure he heard me above his burblings, grumblings and mumblings of being unwell.


“Oh stop, there is no need to shout you know, l feel like l am trapped in a drum, stop it, ooh stop it!” He groaned.“Oh grief, l think l am going to throw up!” he said leaping out of his bed and making a desperate run for the bathroom!

Eventually, after repeated trips to the ‘bowl’, he had calmed down and l gave him a coffee l made for him to wake up a little more. By around 9’ish we both went downstairs having showered, shaved and dressed and packed. I had packed the previous night after the party disaster, and so felt a pang of sympathy for him and helped him pack. It was the damn teddy bear that was our biggest obstacle.

“Ooohggn l don’t understand it went in, it came out, it must go back in!” However, after our third attempt of taking things out, putting things back in the teddy was secured.

Downstairs in the lobby, we parked our bags at the door, and walked into the small cafeteria, where Dana, Dolly, Sally and Molly were waiting for us. it was a fifty fifty split of drunk and hungover to that of sober and simply tired.

“Morning everyone …” Liam groaned and begged for more coffee. “I am so, so , so and have l said so, so ill yet?” For the umpteenth time we all simply said “YES!!”

We had a simple breakfast, some fruit, coffee and tea, although Liam admittedly didn’t have the stomach for anything too taxing and stuck with coffee and a single unbuttered croissant.


“Interesting outfit today Liam?” remarked Dana “I didn’t think you actually owned any denim, l thought you were more of silks and chiffon type of traveller?”

“Dana, we are travelling to goodness knows where too darling, so l am prepared for all eventualities. Denim shirt and jeans is ideal tough wearing fabric, it’s durable and smart by itself, it needs no further complimenting, although l could have a beautiful cravat in my side bag for anything special you know, and l am wearing the most beautiful yellow socks, so my ensemble this morning was put together rather hapzardly, but it will work, from my shirt all the way down to my devilishly smart brown brogues, see?” With that he promptly side stepped a shoe from under the table to flaunt it.

“Oh yes indeed ‘darling’, very dapper!” Answered Dolly. “So are you ready, bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready for the tour bus?”


“Is there a bigger bus this time? That would be much better.”

“No, l was joking Liam, it is still Kustov’s van, l can see him stowing our bags as l speak.”

“Oh grief, it’s lovely and all, but ..oh well, maybe l can sleep somewhere on the seats.” Liam inwardly groaned again.

“How are you two this morning?” I asked of Sally and Molly.

“Well we are ok, not as bad as Liam. Had a good night really, a really good night actually, had some fun, didn’t we Molly?” Sally said looking at Molly.

“Yes, well Rory knows l was a little busy, don’t you, has your nose recovered yet?” Molly added giggling. “But Sally had her own fun and frolics as well didn’t you?”

“You are only young once you know, and we had split up from our other halves quite recently, so l or we simply wanted to make sure we hadn’t lost the touch.”

“Good Morning everyone! I hope you had good sleep, and are ready for Dracula Tour?” Kustov boomed next to my ear, making me jump and almost fill my lap with coffee!

“Yes thanks Kustov, good to see you too!” I answered, making good use of the napkin at the table and wondering if the small stain would shift off my stomach.

“Good good, we are ready then to go .. .mahawahahwah  woooo!” Kustov joked with a cackling laugh and l think some kind of ghost sound, whilst bent over pretending to be Igor!

Slowly we all got up, any last minute toilet trips were attended to. The staff gave us some packed lunches bade us farewell, and we all got into the van, with Liam taking front seat and even before we had left Mamaia, he was snoring loudly, and giggling! Which Kustov found highly entertaining, and then told us he had some ‘groovy music’ for the journey and suddenly Barry Manilow was blaring on the casette player!

Oh my really, what ever next?

The Dracula Tour 1983

Liam Ratcatcher! Part 1 1983

Liam Ratcatcher! Part 2 1983

Liam Ratcatcher! Part 3 1983

Liam Ratcatcher! Part 4 1983

Liam Ratcatcher! Part 5 1983

Liam Ratcatcher! Part 6 1983

Liam Ratcatcher! Part 7 1983

Part 9 soon

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