Dear Blog … 22.59 – 24/8/18


Face the Facts…

Even the most perfectly oiled plans can simply go wrong, or is it best titled the man that fell to earth,  It never just rains, it pours … Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, never mind shell shocked think sitting in the crater with the world being destroyed around you, maybe even the walls came tumbling down? I don’t know the answers here.

I am behind a perfectly planned day because life isn’t easy, there are small wins and victories that make you feel good and then there are just huge disasters that make you think not just once, twice or even thrice but disasters that multitask you without your consent!

That’s been my day, thank goodness for the post dated facility in WordPress, l was quite pleased that l would get this afternoon to do some writing aside from promotion posts or little things, like you know at Christmas you might have a stocking over the fireplace or the door or wherever you have these things hanging, and then you have your main present, well my main piece today was my relaxing pieces, and that time was taken away from me again to start hurdling once more a barrage of family problems and obstacles.

My Sister was working all day today, she started at 7am and worked till 8pm, she asked if l could call Dad as she had not heard anything from him and was worried as he had not even responded to her texts.

A deep sigh, ok, sure. He hadn’t replied to anything of mine either, so sure.

He picked up the phone and said he was doing very badly, he had seen nurses and his doctor. He apparently had not seen my texts or emails and said in the next breath said he couldn’t be bothered to respond to them and translate them which confused me somewhat. He told me that my bloody Sister had sent him a text at 8.15 and that was totally unacceptable and he refused to respond!

I talked a bit further, he referred to my Sister as a she and not by name until l asked who ‘she’ was? He responded with my Sister’s name in a certain amount of disgust, she is obviously a fallen from grace angel which is somewhat unkind as he saw her as his favourite. But more so because she has tried to get him to acknowledge if she could come down and see him?

He didn’t sound well admittedly, but he wasn’t confused he was lucid. The call ended, l said l would call him back over the weekend.

The phone rang 20 minutes later a strange number, but the code was from my Dad’s neck of the woods and l though ‘Ho ho, perhaps this is his doctor?’ It wasn’t, it was an NHS administration team asking for me to clarify my postcode? What for l asked and what is this to do with please? To position you into the correspondence from the Hospice.

What Hospice l enquired, l think you have the wrong number. No, right number you are next of kin, and that’s when it clicked into place. All the lies were about to be given questions and answered. The first piece of solid and factual information since this all began three months ago.

From that point to literally just an hour ago coming off the phone to my aunt, l could finally award the facts about my Father’s illness that he had been lying about.

He isn’t lying about being ill, he isn’t  lying about dying, he is. He has less than three months if that. But he had been lying about so many other things to avoid any one person having all the truths, because he wanted to keep his independence.

The sad truth unfolded over the next nine hours, calls, emails, texts, more calls. Now we as his family know the dreadful facts behind his lies or rather the facts of his ‘face the facts’ phrase, he just carefully ensured none of us actually knew the facts, or rather all of them.

He was assessed yesterday by the Hospice, made no mention of that today in our call, he denied falling, he lied about all sorts of things until the assessor told him to face the facts which were if you do not help me assess you, l will say that you are non functioning and then you shall be placed into a hospice. Oh he didn’t like that, not one bit, so he decided to assist them in the assessment. He has agreed to receive pallative care now, but yet snubbed my Sister’s offer as she is a professional in pallative care, but he doesn’t want her anywhere near him, not even in the same room, he doesn’t want us together, so therefore made me ‘first point of call next of kin’, and dropped her from that duty.

A crushing blow for his daughter who l had to inform today when l gave that back to her as was my right, she needed to know, she is in the industry she knows what to ask, l am clueless. It was the right thing to do, she needed to speak to MacMillan trained nurses, she wants to be one and has the experience to be one, but more importantly she is his daughter, and she loves him. My Dad wanted to spite my Sister, she was supposed to be the one to receive the calls and yet yesterday at the very last minute for whatever reason, he made me first contact, l wasn’t even listed before that.

My Sister and l chatted in Facebook for hours, she learned of who he is, and we came to understand why he had started the rift between us, but after he has gone, our friendship will not falter, we will stay in touch and become Brother and Sister again, sure a lot of years have passed us by, but his death will bond us again and that is a miserable fact, that it will take his death to bring us together again when we didn’t orchestrate the seperation.

It has been a ghastly, horribly draining day if l am honest, and l am more than shell shocked, l am saddened by some of the things l have found out today, and yet not, they are so , so him.

Face the facts? Yes, l have had to Dad, all day. It’s not easy finding out that someone dislikes you this much, and worse finding out it’s your own Father.

Oh well tomorrow is another day.

Dear Blog ……

17 thoughts on “Dear Blog … 22.59 – 24/8/18

    1. It is only just beginning sadly Cage. Only this morning l am having his friends attack me with attitude because he is lying to them about us. They didn’t even know he had a daughter!

      1. I’m sure I’m not alone in wanting to offer support to you and your sister; I wish … I just wish, but there’s nothing we can do about some things, and some people

  1. Feels weird to put a “like” on something like this. It’s just to let you know I’m reading and sorry you are going through this. Try not to take anything he says personal. He might be lucid but that doesn’t mean he’s all there when they are that sick.

    Strength to you and your sister.

  2. I know you are going through some very rough time and my heart goes out to you my friend. You have the right attitude and you will get through this. I’m glad you are not alone in this as you have Suze and your sister on your side. And you have your WP friends too. Stay strong.

  3. What a terrible thing to be going though, I’m so sorry for you. I don’t know what your relationship has been like with your Father over the years but if this behavior is not typical then I would try really hard not to let it get to you. The diagnosis of terminal illness, the treatments, worry, fear etc will all take a real toll and sometimes people hide it all behind a mask of anger. He may also not want his children to see him suffering…….
    Could be totally wrong with all this as I don’t know your story and I really hope I haven’t offended you with what I’ve said xx

    1. Of course you haven’t offended me, it takes more than an offer of comfort. My Father , yes there are always two sides, l find offends and insults me every day.

      It could be the things you say, but sadly it isn’t, he is a very old fashioned traditionalist who believes what he believes and sod the rest of the world and their thoughts. he has deliberately done these things as his last act of control, and looking to cause as much conflict on his way out and no different to how he has led his life 🙂

  4. Well the house of cards finally tomballs down, sorry you’re father has put you all throw this mees Rory my heart goes out to you all.


      1. Sorry to hear that Rory, I can simpithiz with y’all it’s not easy to have a family member diying and with the mees he created just makes it that much more stressing on top of what y’all are already dealing with.
        My heart and prayers gose out to you both.

        BY FOR NOW

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