Some pills are hard to swallow …..
Standing on the step outside smoking a cigarette watching the skies darkening, and the quiet normally so deafeningly quiet is only broken by the gentle breeze rustling in the leaves and the haunting melody of Wicked Game by Chris Issak floating in the air from the balcony of the next door neighbours. I can hear in the distance a sea rescue helicopter flying 100 feet over the cliffs, the pond next door making its presence known with the softness of the water spilling from the fountain .
You find yourself asking questions, do you let sleeping dogs lie or do you let sleeping dogs die?
It’s okay to cry you know …
Some pills are hard to swallow, and that is the exact situation currently active.
It’s okay to cry Rory, Suze tells me and l like wise to her.
No one said life was easy, there are no books specific to each situation, life’s choices are made.
No, it’s not there yet, but the question you have to ask is, when is life prolonged and when is the quality of life lost? When are you in the position of knowing if it’s purely for you and not reflective on the other?
I don’t know.
I am overwhelmed in melancholy tonight, small bouts of tears as memories flit through my mind horribly slow from the last fifteen years. A pact we made to let her die in her sleep has been taken from us, this may not happen.
Hard pills to swallow, are like tough decisions to be made and both now are reflective on her, and her willingness to choose to live or to battle us trying to help her and give up.
Scrappy came through the sedation of the x-rays fine, but the results are not good, her left knee is shot, it is purely by her dedication to walking, her stamina to not let pain win, her John Wayne true grit determination to see another day in and out. There are other problems, the IVDD has degenerated her spine. The short game for us is to keep her medicated, tramadol and paracetamol for the rest of her life. With a dog who is reluctant to eat anything.
The vets say if she works with us to help her, we can help her live her life, and they say this about a dog who knows the taste of that horrible tablet and refuses through stubborness to take it.
If we can’t convince her to help us, then we must make a decision to ease her suffering. She is in pain they say, we can ease it, but only if she lets us, if she accepts our help, why is this just so similiar to something else in my life.
Hard pills to swallow, are like tough decisions to make.
Did l hear back from my so called father today? No of course l didn’t, l don’t know what l was expecting, something maybe, just something, but of course that is too much to ask.