Dear Blog … 11.06 – 21/8/18

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Some pills are hard to swallow …..

Standing on the step outside smoking a cigarette watching the skies darkening, and the quiet normally so deafeningly quiet is only broken by the gentle breeze rustling in the leaves and the haunting melody of Wicked Game by Chris Issak floating in the air from the balcony of the next door neighbours. I can hear in the distance a sea rescue helicopter flying 100 feet over the cliffs, the pond next door making its presence known with the softness of the water spilling from the fountain .

You find yourself asking questions, do you let sleeping dogs lie or do you let sleeping dogs die?

It’s okay to cry you know …

Some pills are hard to swallow, and that is the exact situation currently active.

It’s okay to cry Rory,  Suze tells me and l like wise to her.

No one said life was easy, there are no books specific to each situation, life’s choices are made.

No, it’s not there yet, but the question you have to ask is, when is life prolonged and when is the quality of life lost? When are you in the position of knowing if it’s purely for you and not reflective on the other?

I don’t know.

I am overwhelmed in melancholy tonight, small bouts of tears as memories flit through my mind horribly slow from the last fifteen years. A pact we made to let her die in her sleep has been taken from us, this may not happen.

Hard pills to swallow, are like tough decisions to be made and both now are reflective on her, and her willingness to choose to live or to battle us trying to help her and give up.

Scrappy came through the sedation of the x-rays fine, but the results are not good, her left knee is shot, it is purely by her dedication to walking, her stamina to not let pain win, her John Wayne true grit determination to see another day in and out. There are other problems, the IVDD has degenerated her spine. The short game for us is to keep her medicated, tramadol and paracetamol for the rest of her life. With a dog who is reluctant to eat anything.

The vets say if she works with us to help her, we can help her live her life, and they say this about a dog who knows the taste of that horrible tablet and refuses through stubborness to take it.

If we can’t convince her to help us, then we must make a decision to ease her suffering. She is in pain they say, we can ease it, but only if she lets us, if she accepts our help, why is this just so similiar to something else in my life.

Hard pills to swallow, are like tough decisions to make.

***

Did l hear back from my so called father today? No of course l didn’t, l don’t know what l was expecting, something maybe, just something, but of course that is too much to ask.

Dear Blog ……

 

15 thoughts on “Dear Blog … 11.06 – 21/8/18

  1. I’m so sorry about Scrappy, I hoped for better news. it will be hard, but she will help with the decision.

    As to your father – if I were advising one of my foster kids on how to deal with a situation of this vein, this is what I’d say:
    It’s time to call it to his face. Don’t show him examples of what you know and expect him to stop lying. Call him a liar first, and then show the evidence. Tell him it’s the last time you’ll accept that disrespect. His manipulation may have worked on you and your sister for a while, but not now. Now you talk to each other, and both know he’s full of it. Don’t take it anymore, it’s not your burden, nor hers. If he wants to make this choice, he can do it on his own, and then when he tells people no one talks to him anymore, it will be the start of his acceptance of the cost and consequences of the previous lies – that would be truth, or at the very least, a little bit of honesty.

    I had 32 foster kids. In the small city I live in, there are 26k kids on the ‘at-risk’ register. think about this when you feel the obligation to help him: not all adults who can have kids should have them, not all parents are worthy of the tag.

    And you can delete this comment if you like … I have no right to say it, but I say it anyway.

  2. Evening Cage, why would l delete a perfectly logical comment 🙂

    I wouldn’t.

    When people throw logic in my face l can’t deny the beauty of it nor the wisdom.

    I am in that position with my Father, he had the choice to accept the offer today, and once more he declined. I am not sure what the doctor will say to me on Thursday, what they are at liberty to say, who knows, what they might feel obligated to say if anything.

    But l am getting very close to that mark now.

    I have said to Suze that l have had enough, it is simply too taxing, l have other more pressing matters at hand without worrying about a man who has only ever had his own interests at heart 🙂

    Thank you my friend, wise advice and gratefully received.

  3. Is splinting the leg for support a possibility or one of those wheelie things? I’ve seen other dogs living those.
    Scrappy will also let you know what she thinks – our fur babies are very adept at letting us know when they’re ready. It broke my heart when George was ready to give up but I knew what I had to do for him. I’m hoping it isn’t that time yet for you though. Sending much love to you all

  4. Hey kristian, thanks 🙂 It would be much easier of our stubborn dog decided to try and eat at this present time. It is almost like she has figured that if she eats she gets medication, even though she has not had any medication in any of her food for the last couple of days.

    If she doesn’t eat, our choices once more will be havily reduced sadly.

  5. So do, but at present we are just battling her stubborness. She has always been a very picky dog, and always very stubborn.

    Suze was quite keen to give in to Scrappy when we first got together as a couple, and Scraps always saw Suze as an easy touch and quick to manipulate whereas, as much as l love Scrappy, l don’t always give in to her. But whilst that is not always the problem, Suze will make a big fuss over Scrapps, and l think we now need to apply more logic.

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