The Happy Unhappy State of Things…
Well, l had a Doctor’s appointment yesterday morning. I managed to secure an ’emergency appointment’ and as luck would have it, l even managed to see my own Doctor as he was holding that morning’s emergency sessions. Which was a bonus.
I don’t mind my surgery, but l am not particularly au fait with all the other Doctor’s there, and am one of those patients that like to have the familiarity of ‘your Doctor’ over the consideration of being attended to by a handful of Doctors that are not truly aware of who you are and are purely reliant upon the hub computer.
I have been awarded an anti-depressant [Amitriptyline] over simply a stronger pain killer which does irk me slightly, as the biggest problem with depressants is their addictive properties and as a person who has a tendency to become addicted l am going to have to watch how l go with these. I am not sure why l have been given these over say the likes of Tramadol, but l am not a Doctor so who knows?
I am to take one per night and gradually over the course of ten days move myself into taking five a night and reduce the current intake of Zapain which at last count was 12 a day. It’s a real catch 22, induce zombification and supposedly have no pain or keep the pain levels at 50% and only take the Zapain!
Today l do have pain, but also l was remarkably groggy this morning after just one of these tablets last night, so Lord knows what 5 are going to award with no Zapain present.
I am tiring of not being able to do anything effectively as l am not allowed to perform certain tasks with my right arm, as in use it with anything heavy. I am restricted by learned lessons on what l can do in comparison to what l can’t.
Suze would kill me today if she learned of what l have been doing for the last hour which was moving a load of fig tree branches from the front of the house to the back of the house for drying with regards to shredding for next seasons garden mulch. But l didn’t use my right arm once, and sure l am in pain, but l was always told to never look a gift horse in the mouth and so these free branches, fruits and leaves will all serve a brilliant purpose to next years’ gardening.
The branches can be shredded and provide a super soft organic mulch, whilst the fruits and the leaves will be great food for the compost heap and the winter worms.
But by the time she gets back, they will all be away and she’ll not know, and by the time she really registers it, it wont matter as a telling off. My philosophy is quite simple,”It’s just a pinched nerve, l am not dying and l am NOT always going to have it, so at least l am being somewhat useful and productive.”
I also spoke to my Doctor yesterday about My Father, and he was quite right when he simply said that some people, just don’t want help, they want the world to feel sorry for them, but don’t wish to do anything about it, and you can’t help those people whatever you do.
I think that is spot on with regards my father, it doesn’t matter what l do, he is only going to reject it, and then sadly he will simply become even lonelier than he needs to be, but hey no problem, he will get his wish and become the martyr he thinks he is.”
So time will tell on everything, eh? Time always does.
I haven’t rung him since Tuesday when he basically told me to just face facts, so fine, l am facing facts, he knows my number.