26th July – 16th August
Poo Faced Monkey
Unhappy Happy Unhappiness!
Well slightly longer a wait for this episode than intended, but my editor is not as sprightly as he once was! Most days Mummy and l are in agreeance he wakes up like a bear with a sore head, or Mr Groggy Paws as l like to call him! These days Dad is always in pain. If he sits for too long = pain, if he goes to bed and lies on the wrong side = pain, if he writes for too long = pain, if he edits my pawings for too long = pain!
Dad, Dodge and l still go for our morning walk, but Dad is slower than me now and trust me when l say that is something. Mummy says he is not that happy anymore because of this pain, and Dad says he is not happy because of all the pills he has to take that don’t do what they should! I say that Dad’s not unhappy unhappy, but just unhappy that he can’t do the things he used to be able to do without all the pain.
But Dad says that only today he went to see his Doctor and they have now given him something for unhappiness which isn’t for his unhappiness because he isn’t unhappy but for the pain that makes him unhappy?
No, don’t ask me, l am just repeating what Dad told me this morning. I know Dad is in pain, but he doesn’t look unhappy, but as Dad says we are not Doctor’s so they probably know what they are doing. But he says this new tablet is going to make him walk around like he is a stoner??
What’s a stoner, doesn’t sound good, not good at all? Mummy is not happy now that Dad is going to be a stoner either! Mummy says that if that is the case, would it not simply be easier just smoking grass? Which confused me completely, why would Dad want to smoke the grass l do my wee’s and WORSE on our grass!! So Dad is not unhappy, but will be taking something that is for unhappy people, and Mummy who was happy is now going to be unhappy? I am glad to be a K9 but l am very, very confused by all this happy unhappy unhappiness!
Poo Faced Monkey!
Mummy has started calling me a ‘poo faced monkey’, l don’t know why she is calling me a poo face anything, l keep telling her that l am not poo faced nor am l a monkey, l am a happy faced dog! I have all these other names to contend with now l am called this? Dad has started calling me ‘furry knickers’ on account of the fact that l am constantly moulting and yet l don’t wear knickers? I asked Mummy what knickers were and she showed me and l could not help but feel that Dad is losing the plot, l most assuredly don’t have anything like that anywhere?
Show Me the Mummy!
Every day, Mummy goes away and every day Mummy comes back. Dad says Mummy goes to work, which is this place that she goes to do work, when she comes home she is always tired, and then says to me that she has more work to do at home? I say to Mummy if she has work here, why does she go away to work somewhere else, is there not enough work here for her to stay? She says it is a different type of work. I am very confused these days, Dad is not unhappy and yet will soon become unhappy, and Mummy has work here, but goes away to do more work?
Mummy is out for most of the day, so whilst she’s away at work l sleep. Dad then says to Mummy that when she is not at home but away at work that l don’t talk to him. Well this is true, but l cannot talk to him if l am asleep, can l?
However l do say to Dad “Show me the Mummy!”
But he just looks at me and says “Doods she is at work, she’ll be back later.”
But when Mummy comes back and l am rested and want to play, she is tired, and doesn’t always have the energy to play. This work thing is no good! I wait for her to come through the door. I have figured out when she is due back, so l get up from sleeping all day, and go and wait by the door. When l see the car arrive l rush over to Dad and say “Show me the Mummy!!” He then lets me out so l can say “Hi Mummy!!” We do go for an evening walk though. Dad does morning walk, Mummy does evening walk.
Today Dad told me that Mummy is going to Australia in November, which means that she will be away for two weeks! I am not too sure what two weeks is, but he says it is shorter than the first time she went and shorter than the second time she went. Well the first time she went was for ages and l didn’t recognise her when she came back. Mummy said will l forget her if she goes this time, even if it is for a shorter time? I can’t forget Mummy, but l still don’t understand why she is going away whatever the weeks?
Dad says she is going to see her kids, which is strange because l am her furry child, how many other furry children does she have?
The Monster Invasion!
Dad says l am a hero dog! Today l saw off a monster invasion!
I was sleeping in my bed at the front of the house and l heard this really strange noise, a REALLY strange noise. It was like a monster and it was coming near the house from outside!
“Clickclickclickingclickclickittywhirrringclickittyclickclickbrumbrumcrum!” is what it sounded like. I sprang out of my bed and looked out the window. “What is that??” I barked and ran to get Dad.
“Dad, there is a monster outside the house and it’s going into the place where Mummy puts the car!!” I barked at him.
“Scrappy – whatever is wrong?” He asked me.
“There is a funny monster outside the house making a strange noise Dad, quick come, come Dad now quickly, no quickly, quicker than that Dad!” I barked at him [He is moving slowly as well now!] “This is NOT the time to move slowly Dad, there is a monster!!!”
I ran into the front room and Dad looked out the window as the monster was still making its “Clickclickclickingclickclickittywhirrringclickittyclickclickbrumbrumcrum!” noise! Dad started to laugh, and laugh and then ..
“Scrappy that is not a monster it’s the shopping arriving.” He laughed.
I don’t believe it! My Dad, the 2 legged l trust was laughing at me! I am a proud K9r doing my guard duty and my Dad is laughing at me! I am trying to tell him that a monster is outside the house making this silly “Clickclickclickingclickclickittywhirrringclickittyclickclickbrumbrumcrum!” noise and he is laughing at me and muttering stupid silly things about shopping. He has most assuredly lost the plot! Never mind happy unhappy he is crazy!!
“Doods rest easy, relax your hackles, it’s the shopping delivery, it’s not a monster, stop barking, it’s okay.” he laughed again. “Look come with me to the door and stop growling, it IS okay, honestly, trust me.”
“Oh yeah, like l am going to trust you now that you have been laughing at me when l am simply trying to protect you and our home! Like that is going to happen buddy!!”
Dad walked to the door and opened it, and there stood another 2 legged with the boxes which hold the food. strange l thought where is the monster?
The other 2 legged asked if l was dangerous? Has he lost the plot as well? I am not dangerous, l am a guard dog, and there was a monster outside the house, but when l looked past the 2 legged all l saw was the food van where was the “Clickclickclickingclickclickittywhirrringclickittyclickclickbrumbrumcrum!” monster??
Dad looked at me and said “Awesome Scrappy, you saw the monster off!!”
Well l guess l must’ve done, because when all the shopping was in the house and l checked through all the bags and smelled my own food there as well, l didn’t hear the “Clickclickclickingclickclickittywhirrringclickittyclickclickbrumbrumcrum!” monster anymore.
So yes, l stopped the monster invasion, me!
What l find really funny is that Dad tells Mummy l never talk to him when she is at work. So l told her all about it when she came back home, and Dad told her too, and smiling she leaned down and gave me a cuddle and called me a good girl, a good guard dog, seeing off the monster invasion and for telling Dad all about it, proving once more that Dad is losing the plot!
“Hmph, don’t talk to him, asleep all day my paw!
Anyway, it’s time for another little nap, Mummy is home, Dad is here, l am well fed and now according to Dad l am ‘Farting like a trooper!!” There is no pleasing that man at times!
Catch you next time.
Power to the Bark!
K9 Scrappy Doodlepip
Ps: don’t forget if anyone would like to do a K9 Interview we are now at number 50 with Rory the Explorey, but l am always looking for fresh interviewees. Also more feline katz would be pawsome!