Dear Blog … 5.15 – 13/8/18


It’s the small things, the loose ends …

I sometimes wonder, that if l was to suddenly drop dead who would notify people who know me indirectly, as an example here in WordPress or say Scrappy’s Twitter account, or my Facebook. Suze would probably say something on her Facebook, which would be picked up maybe by one of our connection friends – we don’t share a lot of friendships mutually in our social media accounts. Suze has l think 90 friends and l have 47, of my 47, we actually only share 1 mutual. So if the mutual picked up the message, they might in turn say something on the group l manage to do with WoWarcraft.

Of course there is the chance that Suze might put something up on my Wall in FB. but then again she might not. If she did, then l have a couple of friends in FB that also  follow me in WP. Then the chain reaction would start. But if she didn’t for several months say out of it being in the long list of things irrelevant, then my accounts would suddenly go blank.

I am not overly active in FB nor am l that overly active on Scrappy’s Twitter, where of course l am active is here in WP. You ask yourself the question of the incidental? If l didn’t post for say a day at all, who would notice and at what point would it become a concern for those who then start to notice that you are no longer posting? Would they think, “Oh well another blog that has vanished, another blogger bitten the proverbial dust.” case closed.

I follow quite a few blogs and l have formed a friendship with many of them, so much so that l notice pretty quickly if they haven’t posted for a while, and in some cases l will privately email them and ask if they are ok. Then with their response  l will then know that everything is ok and they are just quiet or taking a break or ill or busy or whatever. I can’t do it with everyone, but l try to keep up to speed with people, hence l think that’s why l like to know people’s first names more than just an avatar name as it is more personal.

It’s the small things, the loose ends that make the difference.

The weekend that has just gone was busy for me, normally l might not talk to more than perhaps 2 people over the course of those two days and yet, the weekend that has just gone saw me speaking to my Father, Mother, Sister, one Aunt, two Uncles and two Cousins, Suze and Scrappy. That’s busy in my world … and why?


Because my Father with his pannicked emergency call on Friday night that amounted to nothing created the stir by confirming my suspicions that he is lying to everyone in the family by telling them different stories concerning his health. None of us are actually any the wiser. One minute you are concerned and the next you are thinking is this a case of ‘cry wolf?’

What has this got to do with ‘small things’, though?

Well, following the panic on Friday, and the uncertainity on Saturday with the question of ‘is he, isn’t he’ dying? Yesterday l sent an email to my Father, a carefully worded email to ensure that he didn’t think the entire family was ganging up on him and he might leap to the term conspiracy. The family his side has agreed to NOT say that l am talking to them. The email asked some very important questions.

It was written by myself, but included concerns of my Sister and it addressed really important questions … that he had himself raised only last week.

1] Having a ‘Lifeline’ service set up inside his house – for peace of mind for everyone.

2] Requesting the names of his doctors and hospitals concerning his health – from the perspective of his next of kins. [My Sister and myself] So that we may discuss his health and care elements with the medical professionals.

3] Addressing our concern for his health.

4] Ensuring that he had all the relevant telephone numbers of us both – as he said he could NOT get through to her [Sister] and yet she had no missed calls.

5] Discussing my visit with him on the 26th.

6] Discussing the probate side of his Will which he wants help with but he has not yet addressed properly with a solicitor. From the angle of his joint executors.

Now my question at the start of this entry was who would notify social media of my demise, and it is in the overall scheme of things relevant as a question but a very small thing indeed and is not a thought that would require immediate action, it’s insignificant in comparison to some of the questions above.

Those questions above are big questions, concerning all sorts of things but loose ends as well. Things that he doesn’t need to keep worrying about being that he is ill, as my Sister and l have offered him help and we would pay for the Lifeline. It was a polite and friendly email to our Father as his children.

This man checks his emails religiously, so he would have seen that arrive yesterday morning, and yet all day l heard nothing back. So much so that l had to ring him 10.30am this morning and ask how he was. For him to simply answer with ‘Yes thanks l am fine.” He then proceeded to tell me how lovely his neighbour was, a real star, someone who really cares and that doctor said it was just a muscle spasm and not to worry about it. That he has to go for his chemo on Wednesday all by himself.

The call lasted less than ten minutes and it was only in the last minute that he said “I saw your email l will think about it.”

I answered with “Dad, the Lifeline is an important saftey feature for well being, and the request for doctors details is really very important.”

“Actually Rory that is none of your business. I will think about the rest. bye bye.”


I am now thinking back to square one, that this man is trying so very hard to not tell his children anything concerning his health, yet expects everyone to drop everything and come running at his beck and call, because that is a form of control. My Sister has said that if she finds out that he is lying about the ‘six months’ thing, she will disown him.

Working as she does in palliative care with very ill people, not just cancer patients, but people who are seriously ill and in a lot of pain daily.and don’t have the fortune of dying, just suffering with the horribly crippling effects of being very very sick. That in her eyes if he is simply pulling a fast ‘Oh woe is me stunt.” She would consider it a deep insult to those people, and it would be the lowest of lowest of lies to perform.

I am not surprised she is thinking like that given her work and her stress load and l hope and pray that my Father isn’t doing that either for a sympathy pull. But l don’t know what’s going on anymore and whilst l don’t doubt that he is ill, l think he is lying about the six months thing, but l cannot understand him anymore.

Time will tell, it always does.

Dear Blog ……



19 thoughts on “Dear Blog … 5.15 – 13/8/18

  1. Trust me, if you went a full day without posting I’d be emailing you! I know you have a lot on at the moment so less posts is one thing but no posts? I might miss a day if I was travelling but by the second I’d be emailing!!

  2. Sorry for all the crap your father is still pulling on you Rory. 😐🙁

    When my online friend got sick with “C” I got his email and emailed him every day he slowly stoped emailing me every day tell there was nothing any more he had no family so I didn’t know when he actually past away it was a hard couple of months to deal with, so I really understand your question as to who would let others know and I can understand that frustration of that that your feeling with your father. 😐🙁


    1. Exactly, it’s the loose ends of never knowing. In Dad’s situation he wants everyone to know and yet when push comes to shove he is playing a smart game and this can only lead me down the path of – so what’s real then, and when exactly do you want not just our help but any help?

      1. Yap and if he keeps it up he may find him self with out a daughter and a son that just doesn’t care anymore.

        BY FOR NOW

        1. Yeah l think my sister could definitely be slotting into that category now, she is concerned for Dad, but she doesn’t understand like myself why he is not helping us to help him. There is a limit to pride and stubborness and he is starting to cross those lines.

          1. Unfortunately I’ve seen all this happen with my x-grandfather and other people and it didn’t end well, ya he has pushed it to far from what I can see.
            I had to go down that road my self with my pride of self reliance and stubbornness and letting people help me, it’s not easy to do but sometimes there’s no choice in the matter.

            BY FOR NOW

              1. If he keeps this up the only other thing thing you can do is go around him and find the doctors your self and talk to them. ❤️✌️

                BY FOR NOW

              2. Yes l know, but over here, we are not allowed to do that by law unless we have the agreement of the patient under confidentiality. The only time that changes is if he loses his cognitive abilities and with the way he is lying at present who knows when we would know?

              3. It’s the same here but some doctors will talk to a patient’s emedate family to let them know what is up, it’s a 50/50 shot to find out what is going on with him really. ❤️✌️

                BY FOR NOW

              4. Very much so, the biggest problem for my sister and myself, is that our father is in Surrey, l am in Kent and she is in West Sussex. i am unfamiliar with the hospitals he is using and once more something which he isn’t willing to reveal where he is at.

              5. Yes I remember you saying your like 2hrs away but one way to find out is to snop around his place on a visit looking for mail that could have the information you needed, I know that’s not ideal but it’s one way to go. ❤️✌️

                BY FOR NOW

              6. I have a trip planned to see him in just over a week, the plan was to have my Sister join me, and at this present time l am trying to configure how she might suddenly find herself in the area at the same moment as l am? otherwise my fear is that if we both turn up, he will think we have arranged it, which we have, he is stubborn but not that stupid lol ha ha. If that was the case he might turn both of us away at the door.

              7. Well she could show up like 15 minutes later saying she was visiting a friend and decided to drop by as she was in the area or something like that. ❤️✌️

                BY FOR NOW

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