Mr Inappropriate 1979 – Full Story

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Mr Inappropriate 1979 – Full Story

Parts 1 & 2 Combined

Rory 1

Me in 1979!

Mr Inappropriate 1979 – Full Story

First Date Jitters Part 1

Despite the life l have led with certain subjects or topics or whatever you want to call them when it comes to sex and sexual behaviour, when l was younger l was basically a shy geek, now l am just an inclusive geek. In my twenties l discovered sex which in consideration to many of today and back then was considered quite late, and by my thirties there wasn’t much l didn’t know about the way of the world, or just basically my way around parts of the world. In my twenties to thirties l was referred to as an incorrigible flirt and a promiscuous tart, but my philosophy was always the same, until you have been there, you haven’t been there and the world is meant to be explored, discovered and trodden! Otherwise, what is the point of actually existing if all you do is actually exist – life would be dull if not for some fun and frolics.

However our tale today deals with my ‘shy geek days’ and most notably when l was 16 going on 30 [so l thought] and my very first date with a girl rather than just make believe inside my head or with my pillow! [You know corner kissing the pillow? You have ALL done it, don’t lie!!]

There was a girl that used to walk past my house when l used to live St Johns in Woking [Surrey] when walking her Basset hound, and l thought she was gorgeous, not the dog, the girl, although the dog was cute also. She lived at the end of my street which although it was  called a Rise, it was in actual fact a cul de sac, a rising cul de sac.Anyway she lived at the bottom with her ‘siblings’ and her parents. She didn’t go to my school she went to an all girls school.

Now the ‘girls scene’ had always appeared to be treacherous territory to me, l was as said remarkably shy around them – you know if they smiled, l started to stutter and dribble — for goodness sake folks … from my mouth!! What’s wrong with you? I turned from the shy geek l was into the hunchback of Notre dame, and sort of sloped off into the shadows! I just didn’t know how to cope, however not all of them smiled admittedly, l suppose that after me staring at them in bewilderment which was most of the time, they would march over and demand to know what l was looking at? My answers of just ‘you actually’, never worked well. Also, as time would prove l was a breast man, so l guess l didn’t hide or avert my eyes quick enough, and l would have to say a good 7/10 l either got a hearty mouthful of insults from them or on the other occasions l might be slapped!

It was a rare occasion indeed if someone smiled back – however Gorgeous Walker of cute Basset Hound did, that one particular day, and after that l was flummoxed – what do l actually do now l thought? She smiled back??

No, of course l didn’t know l was on the bloody spectrum back then, and no one else did for that matter – so even then whilst l had friends, they were probably all on the damn spectrum somewhere anyway, so that meant that l had to do some serious research and sad to say, become a bit of a stalker! Not a serious stalker of course, but l had to kind of shadow follow her and her dog, oddly enough who was called Bertrum or Bertie for short. I had the previous year run a small sideline business in school selling the infamous and notorious ‘Little Black Book’, which was a strange thing indeed, and whilst l tried to find it today online, alas so far no avail. But it was mostly a book styled on ‘high school jinx, sexuality and l suppose a look at what it was like on girls, dating and culture all the things l was somewhat lacking quality information on.

But that proved pointless. The Internet wasn’t around then, nor was Google, and trying to find books on dating was just awkward. In the end l had to go and see my two buddies who just happened to be two of the most popular boys in school and the girls were always fawning over them like they were Gods, which in truth in comparison to me – they were, they were also brilliant Oracles!

They both were patient whilst l explained my situation to them, and then they smiled and clasped their hands upon my shoulders and welcomed me to the “Rites of Manhood!” Then for the next ten minutes they gave me advice on what l should do and what l most assuredly should not do.

Be Yourself

Be Confident

Be Assertive, but not dominating

Be polite, and courteous

Show her you are a gentleman

No funny stuff on the first date, unless she is in total agreenace

Dress Appropriately

Keep things simple, don’t over complicate

Remember your body language

Talk to her like she is a human and not an alien

Don’t be anyone else – just be you

Smile!

So armed with this, yeah l know l was already thinking …. seriously you EXPECT me to remember all of this and smile at the same time? But first l had to ‘speak to her and trust me when l say that was already going to be a seriously tough time. Speak to a girl without stuttering, dribbling and sloping off!!

However after two weeks of actually stalking her, slyly as in suddenly declaring to my mum that l fancied a walk, l managed to secure some valuable information:

1] She walked the dog between the times of 4.30pm and 5pm

2] Sometimes she wore her hair in a bob, and other times longer?

3] Sometimes she looked taller than other days??

4] Sometimes she looked prettier than other days???

5] Sometimes she looked like someone else??

6] Sometimes she wore a different school uniform??

7] Sometimes she talked to her dog in an animated fashion and other times never?

8] Sometimes she smiled at me and sometimes she didn’t know who l was??

9] Sometimes she said hello, and other times she said nothing but just looked at me as if l was a three headed alien?

10] At all times the Basset greeted me!

But finally, l gathered up the courage to speak to her – properly!

4.38pm l remember the time clearly,  11th May Thursday

She smiled at me, she looks like the normal one this time, where is her other face? I asked myself as she walked down the Rise nearing my house where l was casually leaning against the wall, trying to smile normally “Hello!” I said a little too loudly, so much so that Mrs Skyler opposite shifted her curtains to look at the yell.

She smiled back, and as she neared l came out of the lean but slipped over my right foot, and said “I meant to do that.” As l picked myself off the pavement and laughed. She laughed too, and then said “You live here, don’t you?”

“What here? Yes, yes, yes l do, this is my house and this is your dog.”

“Yes, this is Bertie, my name’s Sarah, l see you most days and in fact l have seen you the last couple of weeks walking when l walk him? Do you have a dog?”

“Err, not of my own, l just sometimes like to walk, you know after school, you know?”

“Right, l only said this because you were following me.”

Mm, l didn’t think she had seen me l thought, note to self, improve disguise next time. “Coincidence, that’s all, you were walking the same way as l was l think is all it was or is.”

“Mhm, are you going for a walk now, or do you just plan to follow me again?”

Mmm, she’s onto me, what to do? “I am thinking of getting a dog, so l thought that l would follow you to see what they’re like, you know?”

“Do you want to walk with me, and ask me questions about dogs, instead of walking behind me?”

“Well yes, l mean that would be great.” I answered wondering if l was smiling too much or not smiling or even if l was only smiling in my head. “Brilliant.”

It was a tough walk, l listened to all sorts of things about her dog, and l patted Bertie a lot and she let me hold his lead for a while and walk him. We talked about our schools, and how long we had lived in our houses. She knew more about me, than l did her, which l found a little strange and had even talked to one of my sister’s friends about me, which was a little weird. But she then said she liked me, and l sort of fell over my feet again, and once more got up laughing.

“Did that on purpose again l am guessing?” she joked

“Yeah, yes, it’s my thing, l fall over a lot to make others laugh,you know?” I answered.

“You do it well, anyone might just think you are a little nervous around girls?” She said innocently.

Blimey l thought this is a girl of the world!

I said l would walk her home, which l did and all the time l was blundering my words inside my head, trying to figure out, how l could make the leap from wanting to own a dog to actually asking her out, when suddenly she said “I really like you, fancy going out on a date?”

Well l was bowled over, was this normal? Did girls ask boys out so boldly? Should l say No? The Oracles said l should do the asking out, what the hell do l do now? “Be yourself” a wise memory from the Oracles had suggested. “Yeah that be great, where would you like to go?”

“I’ll let you decide Rory, completely your choice, with Bertie, without Bertie, you decide, and that’s where we shall go, ok?” This Saturday ok? Say about midday? I am not walking Bertie tomorrow someone else is, so l will see you here then?”

“Absolutely, great!! See you then Sarah!”

And off l walked after she went into her house, and when the house wasn’t in view l ran all the way home and happy as could be, this was great as long as nothing went wrong. What could go wrong?

A Case of Mistaken Identity

And off l walked after she went into her house, and when the house wasn’t in view l ran all the way home and happy as could be, this was great as long as nothing went wrong. What could go wrong?

Well truth be known, what could go wrong? I could go wrong and l did!

Sarah and l had a great day, it wasn’t anything special, not really, but it was if that makes for sense. It was special because Sarah was the first girl l had ever actually taken out … ever! Sixteen years of age, and l had never even held a girls’ hand, let alone placed my arm around one that wasn’t my mother, so on that level it was special.

The day itself was basically just a trip down into Woking town centre, a Wimpy lunch, a walk around a park, back home and then taking Bertie out for a walk, and that was it. It was great!

She said she found me funny, that l could talk about all sorts of things, that l was kind of weird in a nice way, in fact Sarah was the first person to ever call me ‘Quirky, and it became her nickname for me during the short time we were a couple. It was a very short time indeed, in fact it didn’t even make a week.

Sarah was a year my juinor, so 15 despite being in the same year. You see, coming back from Australia as l had done in 77, l had to drop back a year so as to catch up with British schooling, which made me a year older than most of my class.

I tried to be the best l could be at whatever ‘we’ were. She called me her boyfriend, but l wasn’t totally happy with that title and never once said she was my girlfriend, which in essence she was of course, being she was my friend, and a girl. But l had some things nagging at me, niggling at me. I was shy, and she did boost my confidence and l have to award her credit. But you will and undoubtedly know by now that l didn’t know l was on the spectrum. Sarah wanted to take things further, and l didn’t, oh l don’t mean that way, although l think she did, but whilst l liked her, a bit of kissing and cuddling was one thing, but the next level at 16? No, that wasn’t happening, plus she was only 15, and that just didn’t seem right.

I wasn’t a prude back then, l just didn’t fancy her that way, and was an old romantic, l wanted my first time to be with the person l truly loved. My mother had pumped into me growing up, that beauty fades and love will go on long after, and that sex whilst nice wasn’t everything, and that your first time should be with someone that you truly loved and not some puppy love adoration. So l was cool with that.

It was Monday the 15th when we broke up, also the day of my 16th birthday.

We had been an official couple for approximately 3 days, our first date had been the 13th May 1979.

Sarah had invited me to her house for a surprise, and as it turned out, it was a cake she had made, and l was to properly meet her parents and the rest of her family … and her sister!!!!

Well there have been times in my life that l wished l hadn’t opened my mouth and spoken the truth, and back then on the 15th May 1979, that was to turn out to be one of those days! One of the first of many. You see there is truth and then there is ‘Shut the fuck up don’t say anything else’ truth. I have never been very good at working the second.

Sitting down at the table, suddenly this girl appeared and oh my, l realised in that second, l had made a terrible mistake, five seconds later l realised l had made the second most horrible mistake. The first was a classic case of mistaken identity, see from the list below that l displayed in the part 1, the ‘problems’. I have highlighted the niggles that entered my logical mind in the first five seconds…

1] She walked the dog between the times of 4.30pm and 5pm

2] Sometimes she wore her hair in a bob, and other times longer?

3] Sometimes she looked taller than other days??

4] Sometimes she looked prettier than other days???

5] Sometimes she looked like someone else??

6] Sometimes she wore a different school uniform??

7] Sometimes she talked to her dog in an animated fashion and other times never?

8] Sometimes she smiled at me and sometimes she didn’t know who l was??

9] Sometimes she said hello, and other times she said nothing but just looked at me as if l was a three headed alien?

10] At all times the Basset greeted me!

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Sarah said, “Rory, have you met my sister Jordon?” Well l am none too sure if my jaw hurt itself when it hit the floor, when she said that? But something addled my brain. “Your sister, your sister, that’s the pretty one l wanted to ask out first!”

You know those times when they say that you could hit a pin fall? That was one of those times! For all of ten seconds. Jordon, suddenly blushed up and ran from the dining room, and Sarah, well l don’t even think l could write the raw emotional rage that l saw in her eyes! What happened next happened very quickly!

Sarah burst into tears, her Mother swore and her father grabbed me by the scruff of my neck, threw me out the door, then ten seconds later came back out, grabbed me again by the scruff of my shirt collar and then frog marched me up and back down to my own house. Still holding me as he was , when the door opened my Mother demanded to know what was going on and insisted that the father let go of me, which he refused and said not till he met my father, who wasn’t home, and my mother then punched, or slap punched him across the face and he dropped me!

He then explained how l was totally inappropriate as a human being and shouldn’t be allowed out upsetting innocent girls, and more so to not even look at any of his daughters again.

I was still a little confused as to what was going on, and simply said “It was just a fact that was all, l still like Sarah, l was simply stating that Jordon was the one l had wanted to ask out!”

Well, my mother sent me to my room till my father got home. Mr Sarah’s dad had gone and my mother came up and asked what had happened? So l told her, to which she replied, “Whilst l don’t agree with the way he handled you, this was a case of being ‘inappropriate’, and that l needed to exercise my ‘shut the fuck up’ behaviour more.”

But that’s the story of my first ever date when l was 16, and my first ever break up on my 16th!

Go Figure, some people are just way too sensitive!

Sarah never spoke to me again.

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